Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping. Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued ... Reason: it has been
reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.
-- excerpt from a letter, Illinois Depart Whatever you are, be a good one.
-- Abraham Lincoln When Baby's cries grew hard to bear I popped him in the Frigidaire. I never would have done so if
I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff. My wife said, "George, I'm so unhappy! Our darling's now
comple Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton Education Grow old with me! The best is yet to be!
-- Robert Browning Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
-- Anon. I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years. Education
"Mothers spend a lifetime excising from their sons the influence of their fathers." (Arthur Lotti) The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.
-- Nicholas Murray Butler "Transport of the mails, transport of the human voice, transport of flickering pictures--in this century as in others our highest accomplishments still have the single aim of bringing men together." "Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." (George Bernard Shaw) "In my opinion, the greatest single failure of American education is that students come away unable to distinguish between a symbol and the thing the symbol stands for." (Paul Lutus) Education Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same
thing nowadays.
-- Oscar Wilde "Education must have an end in view, for it is not an end in itself." (Sybil Marshall) Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
- H. M. Warner, founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927 Education
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
-- Samuel Johnson In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.
-- Lenny Bruce Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely
been detected.
-- Oscar Wilde We live at a time when man believes himself fabulously capable of creation, but he does not
know what to create.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is
not read.
-- Oscar Wilde Education The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
-- Anonymous "It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else." (John W In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken Education
Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Health food makes me sick.
-- Calvin Trillin Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
-- Oscar Wilde We live at a time when man believes himself fabulously capable of creation, but he does not
know what to create.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset "Talent does what it can; genius does what it must." (Edward Robert Bulwer-Lytton) Education Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is
not a conservative, has no brains.
- Sir Winston Churchill "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world, indeed it is the only thing that ever has." (Margaret Mead, 1901-78) "Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." (William Blake) Education
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and
remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't
work and the "I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower."
"Oh yeah, well I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower TWICE!"
-- Ken Kesey from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. Character is what you are in the dark.
-- Dwight L. Moody The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the
purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
-- Anatole France Education "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick) We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from
ourselves.
-- Tom Robbins I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin Education
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
-- Anthony Burgess Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
-- Voltaire Paradoxically though it may seem, it is none the less true that life imitates art far more than art
imitates life.
-- Oscar Wilde A girl must marry for love and keep on marrying until she finds it.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." (Roald Dahl) Education Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever. I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
-- Rose Kennedy, (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991 If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. Education
A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke
or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow.
-- Charles Brower blah "You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think." (Milton Berle) Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency.
- Lewis Perelman The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.
-- Mother Teresa "There is no such thing as a person that nothing has happened to, and each person's story is as different as his fingertips." (Elsa Lanchester) Education What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is
the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
-- Crow Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than
yourself.
-- William Faulkner Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen.
-- Albert Einstein Education
"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." (Thomas Jefferson, to Archibald Stuart, 1791) Feeding the hungry is a greater work than raising the dead.
-- Saint John Chrysostom The nourishment is palatable.
-- Millard Fillmore, dying words My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Sir Winston Churchill Education God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if
he finds her.
-- Benjamin Tillett To teach is to learn twice.
-- Joseph Joubert Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of
responsibility at the other.
-- Ronald Reagan, Saturday Evening Post, 1965 Education
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." (Blaise Pascal) Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
-- James Stephens "Some people must go to extremes to get the world in balance for themselves. Some can't bear bright lights, so wherever they go they search for the dark; they turn the lights down, anything to sustain The limits of my language means the limits of my world.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married.
-- George Bernard Shaw Education We must believe in free will, we have no choice.
-- Isaac B. Singer Although the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea.
-- Led Zeppelin, Ten Years Gone Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
-- Unknown history student Education
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.
-- Marcus Aurelius I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
-- Rose Kennedy, (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991 Every man knows his follies and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
-- Josh Billings Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that
can be shot when it breaks down.
-- Russell Baker Education Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- Henry Louis Mencken Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson "When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Education
Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger,
as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is
when you r Work expands to fill the time available.
-- PARKINSON'S LAW Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
-- Igor Stravinsky The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain
terrible.
-- Jean Kerr Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute. Education To realize that you do not understand is a virtue;
Not to realize that you do not understand is a defect.
--Lao-Tzu, "Tao Teh Ching" "A wise man among the ignorant is as a beautiful girl in the company of blind men." (Saadi) There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Education
