Vlad's Funnies - Cartoons, comic strips, and humorous illustrations.
Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.
-- Jerry Garcia My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and
members of the Senate.
-- Dan Quayle, Former Vice-President Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license. "Commit yourself to quality from day one ... it's better to do nothing at all than to do something badly." (Mark McCormack) Comics The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson "Our lives are repetitious shams--every single day a simulacrum of the previous day. So for Man, he is out to pepper his daily activities with different things--he's fighting against boredom." (Matth One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good
reputation.
-- Oscar Wilde Comics
Beware you be not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.
-- John Wesley "I was born lost and take no pleasure in being found..." (John Steinbeck, Travels With Charley) I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes.
-- Richard Nixon, U.S. President The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains.The superior teacher demonstrates. The
great teacher inspires.
-- William Arthur Ward "Excellence is in the details. Give attention to the details and excellence will come." (Perry Paxton) Comics Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
-- Samuel Johnson I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way
around Chinatown.
-- Woody Allen "Hold the fort! I am coming!" (General William Tecumseh Sherman) Comics
He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
-- Bertolt Brecht 'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam, 1850, line 27, stanza 4 Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board "Failure is not an option!" (Ed Harris, as Gene Kranz, Apollo 13) "In fact, most deaths are not tragic. Few people die because of a flaw in character, which is the essential element of tragedy. They just die." (John Chancellor, The News Business) Comics Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
-- Finley Peter Dunne Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain Comics
Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best
to become the best you are capable of becoming.
-- John R. Wooden, Practical Modern Basketball In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not
allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating,
stealing, I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?
-- Benjamin Disraeli "If you want to make enemies, try to change something." (Woodrow Wilson, 28th US president, 1856-1924) The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute
for life.
-- Andrew Brown Comics No other success can compensate for failure in the home.
-- David O. McKay, Encyclopedia of Mormonism, Advice to parents at General Conference of he
LDS Church, April, 1964 The great end of life is not knowledge, but action. What men need is as much knowledge as they
can organize for action; give them more and it may become injurious. Some men are heavy and
stupid from If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner Comics
"Mistakes are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce) To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it more fit for its
prime function of looking forward.
-- Margaret Fairless Barber The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
-- Josh Billings "We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." (Jeff Marder) Women are the only exploited group in history to have been idealized into powerlessness.
-- Erica Jong Comics "I'll tell you something: Luxury disgusts me." (Giorgio Armani) If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.
-- Al Bernstein Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In
this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
-- Marianne Williamson Comics
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
- Bertrand Russell "What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage." Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.
--Don Galer We have to keep trying things we're not sure we can pull off. If we just do the things we know we
can do... you don't grow as much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes.
-- Cybi Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
-- Igor Stravinsky Comics Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
-- Josh Billings The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
- Lucille S. Harper "One pretty good definition of college is that it's a place where people are made to read difficult books." (Jonathan Franzen) Comics
"He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
- Sacha Guitry It's important to be open-minded, but not SO open-minded that your brains fall out.
-- Rick Radebaugh An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.
-- Alfred A. Knopf Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein Comics "If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?" (Vince Lombardi) There are three great friends: an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
-- Benjamin Franklin "Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." (Socrates) Comics
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRouchefoucauld "I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record." (Dylan Thomas, final words) Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are
capable of being.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Better watch out that you won't become a television set in your next life.
--Loesje I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with
typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright Comics The gods too are fond of a joke.
- Aristotle A person should never be ashamed to own that he is wrong, which is but saying in other words
that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
-- Alexander Pope The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy
the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen Comics
Unfortunately, the media have trouble distinguishing between real science and propaganda
cross-dressed as science.
-- Linda Bowles, political columnist Education is an admirable thing, but nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
-- Oscar Wilde Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get
money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get
married.
-- Katharine Hepburn Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain
as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't
remember what Comics We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we
respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
-- H. L. Mencken There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- Benjamin Disraeli "Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you." (Robert A. Heinlein) Comics
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is a frustrating as reading sex manuals without
the software.
-- Arthur C. Clarke "Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." (Samuel Johnson) "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (Bible, Proverbs 16:24) Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork
picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
-- Tom Stoppard "Politics is my hobby. Smut is my vocation." (Larry Flynt) Comics "It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what other men say in whole books--what other men do not say in whole books." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols) It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
-- Winston Churchill Comics
"These are days you'll remember." If you recall nothing else from your graduation ceremony,
remember you heard the New Jersey Governor quote from 10,000 Maniacs.
-- Christine Todd, NJ Governor, Whea In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams Only positive consequences encourage good future performances.
-- Kenneth H. Blanchard It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
- Aristotle No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
-- Channing Pollack Comics "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." (Groucho Marx) Always behave like a duck--keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil
underneath.
-- Jacob Braude Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Comics
