Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not
there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben "Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom." (Raymonde Uy) "Everybody knows that if you are too careful, you become so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something." (Gertrude Stein) Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the
time by watching the second hand of a clock.
-- Ben Hecht Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error
that provoked it.
-- Alvin Toffler Zaton It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
- Albert Einstein He who laughs, lasts.
-- Mary Pettibone Poole The limits of my language means the limits of my world.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein Zaton
Live out of your imagination, not your history.
-- Stephen Covey Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
-- Oscar Wilde The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one. Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in
accordance with the dictates of reason.
-- Oscar Wilde Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any
antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
-- Alfred Hitchcock Zaton I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
-- Mark Twain Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get
money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Zaton
If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not a poet
enough to call forth its riches; for to the creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent p In the end, everything is a gag.
- Charlie Chaplin Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen.
-- Albert Einstein When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are
legislators.
-- P. J. O'Rourke I don't want everyone to like me; I should think less of myself if some people did.
-- Henry James Zaton Happiness, it is said, is seldom found by those who seek it, and never by those who seek it for
themselves.
-- F. Emerson Andrews Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
-- Ray Bandy To take what there "is", and use it, without waiting forever in vain for the preconceived - to dig
deep into the actual and get something out of that - this doubtless is the right way to live.
-- H Zaton
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
-- Mark Twain If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
-- Harry Shearer Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically,
ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion.
-- Fred Rogers, parody of "Row, row, row your boa "One can do without people but one has need of a friend." (Chinese Proverb) "Babies are necessary to grown-ups. A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities. In a world that is cutting down its trees to build highways, losing its eart Zaton "If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat." (Mark Twain) When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-- Sacha Guitry Women see better than men. Men see lazily, if they do not expect to act. Women see quite
without any wish to act.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Zaton
Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
-- Martin Mull Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the
moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future
generations Nothing average ever stood as a monument to progress. When progress is looking for a partner it
doesn't turn to those who believe they are only average. It turns instead to those who are forever
sea There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
be a coincidence.
-- Jeremy S. Anderson The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
-- Robert M. Pirsig Zaton "Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments." (Anonymous) A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence
University education.
-- George Bernard Shaw "If you assume that there's no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, there are opportunities to change things, there's a chance for you t Zaton
An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey My other wife is beautiful. The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor "Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it." (John Quincy Adams) Zaton The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of
them, it's considered to be your style.
-- Fred Astaire You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room
enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
-- Fred Allen Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim
poses.
-- John Weitz, American Designer Zaton
Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you
together, but do so with all your heart.
-- Marcus Aurelius Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not
allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating,
stealing, The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein "Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details." (Andy Warhol, America, 1985) Zaton Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "Talent does what it can; genius does what it must." (Edward Robert Bulwer-Lytton) I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
-- Oscar Levant Zaton
"... adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, quoted in his obituary, Time) cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has
gone beyond that.
-- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
-- Samuel Butler Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
-- George Burns They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to
run his, either.
-- Anonymous Zaton Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
- Henry Ford The person who is slowest in making a promise is most faithful in its performance.
-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage,
he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
-- Helen Roland Zaton
Joy is but the sign that creative emotion is fulfilling its purpose.
-- Charles Du Bos All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it
is accepted as being self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has
gone beyond that.
-- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three categories-- those that don't work, those
that break down, and those that get lost.
-- Russell Baker The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
-- Mark Russell Zaton May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
-- H. L. Mencken My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. Zaton
Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
-- Samuel Butler "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall
looking frantic.
-- Steven Wright "One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) As always, victory finds a hundred fathers but defeat is an orphan.
-- Count Galeazzo Ciano, The Ciano Diaries Zaton I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot.
-- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
- Vince Lombardi Zaton
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
-- T.S. Eliot "Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." (William Blake) As for the virtuous poor, one can pity them, of course, but one cannot possibly admire them.
-- Oscar Wilde It is a known fact that men are practical, hardheaded realists, in contrast to women, who are
romantic dreamers and actually believe that estrogenic skin cream must do something or they
couldn't cha Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three ho Zaton We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
-- Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles, 1962 "Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains." (Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher, The Social Contract) I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including:
* Both of your socks should always be the same color
* Or they should at least both be fairly dark
-- Dave Barry Zaton
