"If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." (Mark Twain) I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady
in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
-- Dick Martin Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and
blows up the bonfire.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare "I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me." (George Bernard Shaw) Arts and Entertainment "A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you." (Bert Leston Taylor) Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor It is always right that a man should be able to render a reason for the faith that is within him.
-- Sydney Smith Arts and Entertainment
"Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." (George Bernard Shaw) "I'll endorse with my name any of the following; clothing AC-DC, cigarettes, small tapes, sound equipment, ROCK N' ROLL RECORDS, anything, film, and film equipment, Food, Helium, Whips, MONEY!!" (And "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) Love is only the game that is not called on account of darkness.
-- M. Hirschfield If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.
-- Marcus Aurelius Arts and Entertainment Here's to you and here's to me,
and I hope we never disagree.
But, if that should ever be,
to HELL with you, here's to ME!
-- Anonymous Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
-- P. J. O'Rourke "He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." (Thomas Paine) Arts and Entertainment
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
-- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker "The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones." (William Shakespeare, Julius Cĉsar. Act iii. Sc. 2.) Everywhere I go, I'm asked if the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle
enough of them.
-- Flannery O'Connor "Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours." (Dale At every crossroads on the path that leads to the future, tradition has placed 10,000 men to guard
the past.
-- Maurice Maeterlink Arts and Entertainment What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
-- Dave Barry The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.
-- Thomas Jefferson America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to
degeneration without the usual intervention of civilization.
-- George Clemenceau Arts and Entertainment
Early to rise and early to bed.
Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
-- James Thurber Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.
-- Byrd Baggett "God is dead: but considering the state Man is in, there will perhaps be caves, for ages yet, in which his shadow will be shown." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, The Joyful Wisdom) "I feel I have to protect myself against things. So I'm pretty careful to lose most of them." (George Orson Welles) There is nothing that can be said by mathematical symbols and relations which cannot also be
said by words. The converse, however, is false. Much that can be and is said by words cannot
successfully Arts and Entertainment It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
-- Pierre Augustin de Beaumarchais Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.
-- Thornton Wilder After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
-- Aldous Huxley Arts and Entertainment
I don't want everyone to like me; I should think less of myself if some people did.
-- Henry James In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is
simply one of those things which happen from time to time.
-- Edward P. Tryon Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
-- Groucho Marx The gods too are fond of a joke.
-- Aristotle If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. -- Chekhov Arts and Entertainment Tear open packet, unfold and use.
-- Directions on moist towelette package It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.
-- Lyn Karol Arts and Entertainment
Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
-- Norman R. Augustine I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible
by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
- Umberto Eco Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
-- Anonymous Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
-- Groucho Marx I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx Arts and Entertainment "It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing." (Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises) blah "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." (Steve Roland Prefontaine) Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to.
-- Mark Twain Arts and Entertainment
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-
Box.
-- Wil Shriner "One often contradicts an opinion when what is uncongenial is really the tone in which it was conveyed." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than
yourself.
-- William Faulkner The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
-- Thomas Jefferson Arts and Entertainment When one find's oneself in a hole of one's own making, it is a good time to examine the quality of
the workmanship.
-- John Renmerde Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
-- Mark Twain Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
- Isaac Asimov Arts and Entertainment
Ah, well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
-- Oscar Wilde, dying words Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to
realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and
grie Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
- Jean-Paul Sartre "Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. Arts and Entertainment Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
-- H. L. Mencken "Conforming is only acceptable when you conform with a nonconformist." (John A. Simone Jr.) Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
-- Billy Sunday Arts and Entertainment
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
-- John F. Kennedy The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their
attitudes of mind.
-- William James Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her
have her own way.
-- Anonymous The more we do, the more we can do; the more busy we are the more leisure we have.
-- William Hazlitt Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a
dozen.
-- John Steinbeck Arts and Entertainment If God created us in His image we have certainly returned the compliment.
-- Voltaire I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they
study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball.
-- Gerald Early, writer, baseball do It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious.
-- Oscar Wilde Arts and Entertainment
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
- Jean-Paul Sartre Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
-- William Congreve Saying that Windows95 is equal to Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and
believing you've witnessed the second coming.
-- Guy Kawasaki What's another word for "Thesaurus?"
-- Steven Wright "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." (Edger Allen Poe) Arts and Entertainment If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having
passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
-- Anonymous "The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding." (Albert Camus) Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings Arts and Entertainment
"Education is the process of driving a set of prejudices down your throat." (Martin H. Fischer) "If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?" (Vince Lombardi) "A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "Don't let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn't go with it." (Colin Powell) Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein Arts and Entertainment Art and science have their meeting point in method.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.
-- Virginia Woolf "What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage." Arts and Entertainment
