There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as
though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued ... Reason: it has been
reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.
-- excerpt from a letter, Illinois Depart Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever. "Nothing is permanent but change." (Heraclitus) Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them
down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken B Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and
blows up the bonfire.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
-- Anthony Burgess "If you meet a woman that smokes cigars ... marry her." (Arthur Lotti) B
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Gustav Jung "The masses are far more likely to believe a big lie than several small ones." (Adolf Hitler) If it were weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
-- Rodney Dangerfield Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
-- Red Buttons If I were a girl, I'd despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve
them.
-- Robert Graves B When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is
when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
-- Marcel Achard The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.
-- Virginia Woolf My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day. B
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability.
-- Oscar Wilde "What is the difference between exploring and being lost?" (Dan Eldon, photojournalist) Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who
can't read.
-- Frank Zappa There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -- James Holt McGavran B blah "If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." (Thomas Alva Edison) Thomas Jefferson--still surv...
-- John Adams, dying words A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking.
-- Martin H. Fischer B
There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and
flattens the stomachs.
-- Barbara Howar Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of
sin.
-- John Von Neuman All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. "REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion." (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary) A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire B You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war they kill you in a new way.
-- Will Rogers Property may be destroyed and money may lose its purchasing power; but, character, health,
knowledge and good judgement will always be in demand under all conditions.
-- Roger Babson May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. B
I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in
charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about.
-- Hen I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx "To introduce something altogether new would mean to begin all over, to become ignorant again, and to run the old, old risk of failing to learn." (Isaac Asimov) "The masses are far more likely to believe a big lie than several small ones." (Adolf Hitler) These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder.
-- Jeff Greenfield, news analyst, describing the jury in the OJ Simpson murder trial, 1995 B I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
- Irvin S. Cobb I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
- Ian L. Fleming Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more
experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat
soiled or torn? B
The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning
it.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K. Dick If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
-- Maya Angelou Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick) B Nothing is beneath you if it is in the direction of your life.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
-- Noel Coward As life is action and passion, it is required of a man that he should share the passion and action
of his time, at the peril of being not to have lived.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. B
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
-- Helen Rowland It is not necessary that whilst I live I live happily; but it is necessary that so long as I live I should
live honourably.
-- Kant, Immanuel Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware;
those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.
-- Unknown author, Levitating T Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
- Karl Wallenda To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take responsibility for your life and to be in control of
your life.
-- Abbie M. Dale B "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do." (Dale Carnegie) We have children because we want immortality and this is the most reliable way of getting it.
-- Woodrow Wyatt "Gifts must affect the receiver to the point of shock." (Walter Benjamin) B
"Men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at." (John Berger) 2,400,000 Americans play the accordian - hopefully not at the same time.
-- inside of a Pepsi cap I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
-- Will Rogers "Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." (Socrates) Man and wife make one fool. B How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it
a leg.
-- Abraham Lincoln "If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change." (John A. Simone Sr.) First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
- Mahatma Gandhi B
"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously u Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire.
-- William Yeats Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc
jockey is not allowed to talk.
-- Fran Lebowitz Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
-- Robert Frost "To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) B "You know that being an American is more than a matter of where your parents came from. It is a belief that all men are created free and equal and that everyone deserves an even break." (Harry S. Tru You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
-- Indira Gandhi "The reward of a thing well done is having done it." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) B
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking
campaign I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including:
* Both of your socks should always be the same color
* Or they should at least both be fairly dark
-- Dave Barry "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." (William Blake) I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh, there was a happy time when I
believed in liberals...
-- G. K. Chesterton An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.
-- Alfred A. Knopf B The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have
to shave twice a day.
-- Adlai Stevenson "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." (Groucho Marx) "Those that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Benjamin Franklin) B
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do." (Anonymous) When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-- Hunter S. Thompson Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating
influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the
commun For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
-- John Greenleaf Whittier Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes
some method of fortifying the human soul and enabline it to make its peace with its destiny.
-- George B .. I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over
myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long
per "Vegiburgers are wrong." (Mike Kaup) "Life is a great surprise. I don't see why death should not be an even greater one." (Vladimir Nabokov) B
