The more I know about people, the better I like my dog.
-- Mark Twain "I fear we are not getting rid of God because we still believe in grammar." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
-- Ambrose Bierce Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.
-- Oliver Herford I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability.
-- Oscar Wilde Departments Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of
sin.
-- John Von Neuman Research is the act of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
-- Plutarch A small family is soon provided for.
-- English Proverb Departments
Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
-- James Stephens To correct a natural indifference I was placed half-way between misery and the sun. Misery kept
me from believing that all was well under the sun, and the sun taught me that history wasn't
everythin My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.
-- Vladimir Nabokov Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing
extraordinary Departments I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in California, but it's one
more letter she'd have to remember.
-- Shecky Greene My other wife is beautiful. Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.
-- Jerry Garcia Departments
There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.
-- George Armstrong Custer Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
- Auric Goldfinger, in Goldfinger by Ian L. Fleming Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting someone else to do the work.
-- John G. Pollard Repentance is not so much remorse for what we have done as the fear of the consequences.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld, Maxims, 1665 blah "Some of the worlds greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. unattributed" (Anonymous) Departments "I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record." (Dylan Thomas, final words) Vote for the man who promises least. He'll be the least disappointing.
-- Bernard Baruch "Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains." (Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher, The Social Contract) Departments
"Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) I don't know exactly what democracy is. But we need more of it.
-- Anonymous Chinese Student, during protests in Tianamen Square, Beijing, 1989 A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-- John Ciardi Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
-- Sun Tzu I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
-- Oscar Levant Departments In the end, everything is a gag.
-- Charlie Chaplin He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
-- Bertolt Brecht Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add
up.
-- Anon Departments
If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing badly.
-- Gustav Holst, on amateur music-making A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.
-- Moliere I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
- John F. Kennedy when asked what is his favorite song There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
-- George Bernard Shaw Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw Departments Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good
questions.
-- Woody Allen There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find."
-- Robert Flaherty "Great spirits have always faced voilent protest from mediocre minds." (Albert Einstein) Departments
"To make a living, craftiness is better than learnedness." (Pierre-Augustin de Beaumarchais) To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it more fit for its
prime function of looking forward.
-- Margaret Fairless Barber Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute. There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-- Gandhi Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. Departments "One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." (Helen Keller) Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
-- Al Capp Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it. Departments
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.
-- F. M. Knowles "Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
-- Woody Allen He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're
the boss."
-- Anonymous And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery Departments For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-
knowing.
- Henry Louis Mencken "To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." (Thomas Campbell) It's no credit to anyone to work to hard.
-- Ed Howe Departments
"All grown-ups were once children, though few of them remember it." (Antoine de Saint Exupéry) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of
mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
-- Rita Mae Brown Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.
-- Anonymous Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-- T. S. Eliot The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein Departments "He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "For better or for worse, our company (The News Corporation Ltd.) is a reflection of my thinking, my character, my values." (Keith Rupert Murdoch, media mogul, 1931-) I know I'm not in government anymore. In fact I'm out of work.
-- Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President, on a speaking tour of Japan, 1989 Departments
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
-- Polish proverb Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor of journalism in that by giving us the
opinion of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
-- Oscar W "There cannot be a God because, if there were one, I would not believe that I was not He." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) I think one of the reasons I'm popular again is because I'm wearing a tie. You have to be different.
-- Tony Bennett, 1995 blah bla "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough." (Albert Einstein) Departments You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.
-- Stanislaw J. Lem "To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." (Thomas Campbell) Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
-- Max Frisch Departments
If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor
one.
-- Dr. W.C. Heuper of the National Cancer Institute, as quoted in the New York Times on Apri Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein "God is Man's stupidest idea." (Marcel Duchamp, French Dadaist) "Education is a vacine for violence." (Edward James Olmos) Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the
second, "For my best friend."
-- Anonymous Departments We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
- Friedrich Nietzsche "The intellect is always fooled by the heart." (François VI Duke (duc) de La Rochefoucauld, 1616-80) Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
-- Henry Ford Departments
ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don't trust anyone over 30."
-- Anonymous Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the
neighborhood.
-- Maya Angelou Beauty as we feel it is something indescribable; what it is or what it means can never be said.
-- George Santayana "Death where is thy sting? Love, where is thy glory?" (William Shakespeare) Departments Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each
other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's
nerves Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three ho The covers of this book are too far apart.
-- Ambrose Bierce Departments
