He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
-- Bertolt Brecht I don't feel good.
-- Luther Burbank, dying words "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit." (Aristotle) Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
-- Rose Franken Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained.
-- John Powell V Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
-- Mark B. Cohen "Death is only a launching into the region of the strange Untried; it is but the first salutation to the possibilities of the immense Remote, the Wild, the Watery, the Unshored..." (Herman Melville, Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. V
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having
passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
-- Anonymous All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
- Ambrose Bierce "Over grown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty." (George Washington) "In some ways, I never outgrew my adolescence. I wake up in the morning and think, 'Oh my God, I'm late for a math test!' But then I say, 'Wait a minute. I'm 40.'" (Daniel Clowes) It is not necessary that whilst I live I live happily; but it is necessary that so long as I live I should
live honourably.
-- Kant, Immanuel V Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of
hers.
-- Anonymous Your every voter, as surely as your chief magistrate, exercises a public trust.
-- Grover Cleveland Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
-- Stephen Leacock V
Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
-- Victor Borge Give the people not hell, but hope and courage.
-- John Murray I worship the quicksand he walks in.
- Art Buchwald Man and wife make one fool. There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics a V Live TV died in the late 1950s, electronic bulletin boards came along in the mid-1980s, meaning
there was about a 25-year gap when it was difficult to put your foot in your mouth and have
people all The planting of trees is the least self-centered of all that we can do. It is a purer act of faith than
the procreation of children.
-- Thornton Wilder Conversation, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts most subtly on the
human will.
-- Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway V
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the unlimitable superior who reveals Himself in the
slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds. That deeply emotional
convi "Love matches, so called, have illusion for their father and need for their mother." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on
a date.
-- Caroline Rhea The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
-- Richard Braunstein "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." (Dennis Wholey) V It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves
great results. The wish to preserve the past rather that the hope of creating the future dominates
the There are some things which cannot be learned quickly, and time, which is all we have, must be
paid heavily for their acquiring. They are the very simplest things and, because it takes a man's
life "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." (Andy Warhol) V
Art and science have their meeting point in method.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life. If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.
-- James McNeill Whistler If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
-- Pope John Paul I The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx V "The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisi In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King Jr. No, that is the great fallacy; the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful." (Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell To Arms) V
I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. we are for the most part
more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers.
-- Thoreau Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from
history.
-- George Bernard Shaw Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRouchefoucauld Joy is but the sign that creative emotion is fulfilling its purpose.
-- Charles Du Bos If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.
-- Lynda Barry V Chance is always powerful. - Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it,
there will be a fish.
-- Ovid Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
-- Albert Einstein "The most beautiful things in the world are the most useless, peacocks and lilies, for instance." (John Ruskin) V
The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent
crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry
inspe "One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people's lives without having to pay the price. I've never been one of those actors who has touted myself as a fascinating human being. I When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-- Hunter S. Thompson Since Eve ate the apple, much depends on dinner.
-- Lord Byron No other success can compensate for failure in the home.
-- David O. McKay, Encyclopedia of Mormonism, Advice to parents at General Conference of he
LDS Church, April, 1964 V "Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." (George Bernard Shaw) What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.
-- Alanis Morissette, singer, 1995 Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just
flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around V
"I am convinced that it is not the fear of death, of our lives ending that haunts our sleep so much as the fear ... that as far as the world is concerned, we might as well never have lived." (Rabbi H "Mistakes are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce) Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love.
-- French saying Luck is the residue of design.
- Branch Rickey - former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team "I met someone on the street who said wasn't it great that we're going to have a movie star for president, that it was so Pop, and (laughs) when you think about it like that, it is great, it's so Amer V People say "I want peace." If you remove I {ego}, and your want {desire}, you are left with peace.
-- Satya Sai Baba If you don't know how to do something, you don't know how to do it with a computer.
-- Anon. In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the
next meal would come from.
-- Peter F. Drucker V
To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
-- Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would
be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
3) D "Good taste is the first refuge of the non-creative. It is the last-ditch stand of the artist." (Marshall McLuhan) Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987 It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
-- George Bernard Shaw V Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
-- Karl Wallenda The first clergyman was the first rascal who met the first fool.
-- Voltaire Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
-- Billy Sunday V
How could they tell?
-- Dorothy Parker, upon hearing that President Coolidge had died Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
-- Semisonic, Closing Time We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
-- Aristotle "Education is the process of driving a set of prejudices down your throat." (Martin H. Fischer) This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold
of a hammer.
-- Will Rogers V Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a
madhouse.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.
-- Tom Robbins If you want to sing out, sing out, and if you want to be free, be free, 'cause there's a million ways
to be, you know that there are...
-- Cat Stevens, from a song lyric V
"Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain." (Johann Christian Friedrich von Schiller, 1759-1805, The Maid of Orleans. Act iii. Sc. 6.) "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." (Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom) The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism
is the equal sharing of miseries.
-- Winston Churchill Tauzin backs term limits -- But he thinks it's a bad idea.
-- Headline, story in the New Orleans Times-Picayune, Feb 20, 1995 "If I work toward an end, meantime I am confined to a process. The rainbow is more beautiful than the pot at the end of it, because the rainbow is now. And the pot never turns out to be quite what I e V Consequences, schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich!
-- Chuck Jones-directed cartoon Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it.
-- Tom Robbins "It seems to me that there are two kinds of trickery: the 'fronts' people assume before one another's eyes, and the 'front' a writer puts on the face of reality." (Francois Sagan) V
