The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines
staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you
ask th "If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, sir, should keep his friendship in a constant repair." (Samuel Johnson) Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to
contact us.
-- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
-- Rose Franken Stendal It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot, irreverence to their studies; they
are not here to worship what is known, but to question it.
-- J. Bronowski, The Ascent of Man People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
-- Otto von Bismarck The mind has exactly the same power as the hands: not merely to grasp the world, but to change
it.
-- Colin Wilson Stendal
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
-- Honore de Balzac "Vegiburgers are wrong." (Mike Kaup) The average person thinks he isn't.
- Father Larry Lorenzoni "Conscience and cowardice are really the same things. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm. That is all." (Oscar Wilde) Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
-- George Bernard Shaw Stendal A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally
stopping before it gets there.
-- Agnes Repplier To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
-- Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume "Everything in my life has been determined by mistakes." (Gene Wilder) Stendal
Marriage is a rest period between romances. "One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "I couldn't find the sports car of my dreams, so I built it myself." (Dr. Ferdinand Porsche) Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
-- Victor Hugo "Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts." (Henry B. Adams) Stendal A person is not given integrity. It results from the relentless pursuit of honesty at all times.
-- Anon. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
-- Anonymous If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
-- Anonymous Stendal
Whoever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind.
-- Sebastian Roch Nicolas Chamfort "One can do without people but one has need of a friend." (Chinese Proverb) Cliches should be avoided like the plague.
-- Anon. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- Guitry The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going
to make fun of you.
-- Woody Allen Stendal For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
-- Virginia Woolf I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement
speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have
th If pleasures are greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of trouble.
-- Elbert Hubbard Stendal
If God had meant us to vote, He would have given us candidates.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker I could prove God statistically.
-- George Gallup Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.
-- George Orwell "I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." (Joan Rivers) "There is nothing more fearful than ignorance in action." (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832, Criticisms, Reflections and Maxims) Stendal Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
-- George Bernard Shaw Men are strong only so long as they represent a strong idea. They become powerless when they
oppose it.
-- Sigmund Freud I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
-- Adela Rogers St. John Stendal
"You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." (Albert Camus, The Fall) The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't
certain we knew better.
-- George Bird Evans Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.
-- Tom Robbins Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for the appointment by the corrupt few.
-- George Bernard Shaw Stendal Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
-- Woody Allen Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
-- Oscar Wilde The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live Stendal
Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as
children.
-- Libby Gelman-Waxner Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. -- Rich Little The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
- definition of happiness by John F. Kennedy Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
-- Voltaire "I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." (Nikos Kazantzakis) Stendal Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.
-- General Douglas MacArthur Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
-- Oscar Wilde Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-- T. S. Eliot Stendal
If I tell a lie it's only because I think I'm telling the truth.
-- Phil Gaglardi, Minister of Highways, British Columbia, Canada "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." (Albert Einstein) Whoever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind.
-- Sebastian Roch Nicolas Chamfort One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.
-- Virginia Woolf Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don't trust anyone over 30."
-- Anonymous Stendal "I couldn't find the sports car of my dreams, so I built it myself." (Dr. Ferdinand Porsche) A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
-- Marvin Kitman All over Washington today, the politicians and the power brokers are happy. In fact, if you listen
closely, you can hear the sound of champagne corks popping.
-- Paul Jacob, Term Limits Executive Di Stendal
Hell is paved with good samaritans.
-- William M. Holden There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.
-- Socrates 2,400,000 Americans play the accordian - hopefully not at the same time.
-- inside of a Pepsi cap Stendal It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
-- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
-- George Santayana I base my fashion sense on what doesn't itch.
-- Gilda Radner Stendal
Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to
vote for Colonel Sanders.
-- Bob Inglis, 1995 "The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize." (Robert Hughes) Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde By the time (the Leaning Tower of Pisa) was 10% built, everyone knew it would be a total
disaster. But the investment was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it cost
a fortune If God had meant us to vote, He would have given us candidates.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker Stendal The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
-- Josh Billings Is there life before death?
-- Belfast Graffito "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." (Oscar Wilde) Stendal
Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes
some method of fortifying the human soul and enabline it to make its peace with its destiny.
-- George When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of
the world.
- George Washington Carver If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-- Lily Tomlin It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up.
-- Vince Lombardi "Give me liberty or give me death." (Patrick Henry) Stendal Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
-- Billy Sunday If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-- Steven Wright Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
-- William Congreve Stendal
