The World Of Ardal O'Hanlon - Unofficial site with articles, biography, images, quiz and links on Irish comedian O'Hanlon, seen in shows including "Father Ted" and "Big Bad World".
all-star-comedy.com - Forum for comedians and comedy fans to discuss comedy and seek job opportunities and advice.
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-- Marion Barry, Mayor, Washington, D.C. I do not have much patience with a thing of beauty that must be explained to be understood. If it
does need additional interpretation by someone other than the creator, then I question whether it
ha "To introduce something altogether new would mean to begin all over, to become ignorant again, and to run the old, old risk of failing to learn." (Isaac Asimov) The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.
-- Harper Lee "The great aim of education is not knowledge but action." (Herbert Spencer) Comedy The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and
remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't
work and the "The intellect is always fooled by the heart." (François VI Duke (duc) de La Rochefoucauld, 1616-80) History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history.
-- Clarence Darrow Comedy
The gods too are fond of a joke.
- Aristotle God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if
he finds her.
-- Benjamin Tillett "How can we know the dancer from the dance?" (William Butler Yeats) "A man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it." (Claude Rains, as Mr. Dryden, Lawrence of Arabia, 1962) "Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching." (Satchel Paige) Comedy Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married.
-- George Bernard Shaw Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.
-- Emily Dickinson "Everything in my life has been determined by mistakes." (Gene Wilder) Comedy
What does not kill me makes me stronger.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
-- H. L. Mencken Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- Pancho Villa, dying words "The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisi "By seeing the seed of failure in every success, we remain humble. By seeing the seed of success in every failure we remain hopeful." (Mel Ziegler, founder of Banana Republic) Comedy Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson "I don't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." (John Cage) 2,400,000 Americans play the accordian - hopefully not at the same time.
-- inside of a Pepsi cap Comedy
Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. "I praise loudly. I blame softly." (Catherine the Great) An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don't win many accuracy
contests, but they keep the crowd's attention.
-- Anonymous Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
-- Aaron Levenstein "See - one side of my face is gentle and kind, incapable of anything but love of my fellow man. The other side, the other profile, is cruel and predatory and evil, incapable of anything but lusts and Comedy "Nobody minds having what is too good for them." (Jane Austen) I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.
-- E. B. White Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous
and dreadful.
-- Samuel Johnson Comedy
"I'll endorse with my name any of the following; clothing AC-DC, cigarettes, small tapes, sound equipment, ROCK N' ROLL RECORDS, anything, film, and film equipment, Food, Helium, Whips, MONEY!!" (And "Common sense and education are highly compatible; in fact, neither is worth much without the other." (Donald G. Smith) If we may believe our logicians, man is distinguished from all other creatures by the
faculty of laughter.
-- Joseph Addison A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson I am become death, shatterer of worlds.
-- Robert J. Oppenheimer, citing from the Bhagavadgita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear
explosion Comedy Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would
be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
3) D If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing badly.
-- Gustav Holst, on amateur music-making No, that is the great fallacy; the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful." (Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell To Arms) Comedy
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
-- Adolf Hitler I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund. "Over grown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty." (George Washington) My religion consists of a humble admiration of the unlimitable superior who reveals Himself in the
slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds. That deeply emotional
convi We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities,
talents, direction, missions, callings.
-- Abraham Maslow Comedy Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
-- Simeon Strunsky The greatest homage to truth is to use it.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
- Ian L. Fleming Comedy
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of
opportunity.
-- George Bernard Shaw People only see what they are prepared to see.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the
time by watching the second hand of a clock.
-- Ben Hecht Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-- Anonymous "A man who flies from his fear may find he has only taken a shortcut to meet it." (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien) Comedy We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in
bed with her.
-- Lenny Bruce Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw Comedy
"The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore." (Samuel Butler) "Brevity is the soul of wit." (William Shakespeare) "Crime like death is not confined to the old and withered alone. The youngest and fairest are too often its chosen victims." (Charles Dickens, 1812-70, Oliver Twist) All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Genius is an African who dreams up snow.
-- Vladimir Nabokov Comedy True friendship can afford true knowledge. It does not depend on darkness and ignorance.
-- Henry David Thoreau There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
-- George Santayana Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.
-- Virginia Woolf Comedy
"Twelve magicians and two carnies have been shot dead doing the bullet catch. That's cool enough, but every night when we close our show with that trick and the loaded gun gets pointed in my face, it "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. -- C Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love,
but no friendship.
-- Oscar Wilde Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
- Bertrand Russell Comedy "A true friend stabs you in the front." (Oscar Wilde) Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant-turned-famous-movie-producer, when told his son was getting
married The executive exists to make sensible exceptions to general rules.
-- Elting E. Morison Comedy
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
-- Gloria Steinem Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." (G. Randolf) Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
-- Carol Burnett blah "It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain that there was never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous." (Benjamin Fran Comedy Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In
this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
-- Marianne Williamson All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo... Comedy
For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.
-- Winnie the Pooh, character from author A. A. Milne A multiple personality is in a certain sense normal.
-- George H. Mead Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.
-- Gandhi My good intentions are completely lethal.
-- Margaret Atwood He who receives an idea from me receives instruction for himself without lessening mine; as he
who lights his taper at mine receives light without darkening me.
-- Thomas Jefferson Comedy The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain
terrible.
-- Jean Kerr The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines
staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you
ask th Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first. Comedy
