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You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
-- Cher The telephone company is urging people to *please* not use the telephone unless it is absolutely
necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this
bre The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-- Blaise Pascal, Pensées, trans. A.J. Krailsheimer Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime.
-- Alphonse Allais Translation What's another word for "Thesaurus?"
-- Steven Wright "A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." (Cher) Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-- M. C. Reed Translation
"I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record." (Dylan Thomas, final words) Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley
Temple could do it at the age of four.
-- Katharine Hepburn Women's liberationists spread the word that...the only peaceful family is one in which either the
wife is enslaved or the husband is androgynous.
-- R. Emmett Tyell, The Liberal Crack-Up, 1984 "If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." (Mark Twain) Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
-- Norman R. Augustine Translation When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-- Sacha Guitry A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
-- Dean Acheson "Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily." (Napoleon Bonaparte) Translation
I have noticed that nothing I have never said ever did me any harm.
-- Calvin Coolidge Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.
-- Gandhi Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best
to become the best you are capable of becoming.
-- John R. Wooden, Practical Modern Basketball The open-minded see the truth in different things: the narrow-minded see only the differences.
-- Author Unknown Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments.
-- Rose Kennedy Translation Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the
top.
-- Ed Abbey You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's
arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
-- Jonathan Carroll, Outside What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
-- Woody Allen Translation
I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
-- Dorothy Parker Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. I don't know as much as God, but I know more than He did at my age.
-- Henry Kissinger No other success can compensate for failure in the home.
-- David O. McKay, Encyclopedia of Mormonism, Advice to parents at General Conference of he
LDS Church, April, 1964 I'll sleep when I'm dead.
- Warren Zevon Translation Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
-- David Starr Jordan Such is life.
-- Ned Kelly, Last words, before being hung at Old Melbourne Gaol A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings Translation
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.
-- Thomas Dewar The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow
extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.
-- Robert Hutchins, Great Books, 1954 There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
-- George Bernard Shaw Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.
-- Jim Beggs Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from
history.
-- George Bernard Shaw Translation It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
-- Andre Gide Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. "No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave." (Calvin Coolidge) Translation
The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent
ages as much as 20 years.
-- Anonymous In medieval times, people thought that evil spirits could enter a person through an open mouth.
These days they more often leave that way.
-- David Deckert I hate work. That's why I got married.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." (Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest) Translation "If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in government to the utmost." (Aristotle) Life is like a movie--since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the
bathroom in the middle of it.
-- Nick Mirov He who limps is still walking.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec Translation
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." (George Carlin) Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any
antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
-- Alfred Hitchcock Natural ability without education has more often attained to glory and virtue than education
without natural ability.
Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC) Translation No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
-- Channing Pollack Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
-- Abraham Lincoln When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.
-- Wilson Mizner Translation
Who, being loved, is poor?
-- Oscar Wilde If ever I get married again it would have to be under an anaesthetic.
-- Marie Tonkin "Do something for the joy of doing it and pray you won't be punished." (Sammy Cahn) This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more
they possess.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-- Lily Tomlin Translation I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
-- Henny Youngman You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
-- W.S. Gilbert Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the
gentleman.
-- Herbert Spencer Translation
"Life is a great surprise. I don't see why death should not be an even greater one." (Vladimir Nabokov) Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz The first duty of love is to listen.
-- Paul Tillich The only weapon that becomes sharper with constant use is the tongue.
-- Anonymous "Small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas." (Anonymous) Translation May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. Life is not an easy matter.... You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism
unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above
weakness Silence is as full of potential wisdom and wit as the unhewn marble of a great sculpture.
-- Aldous Huxley Translation
People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.
-- John Harrigan It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning it was
someone else.
-- Rogers When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.
-- Wilson Mizner In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to
know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
- Clarence Darrow, Translation The Church is an organism that grows best in an alien society.
-- C. Stacey Woods The love we give away is the only love we keep.
-- Elbert Hubbard Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
-- Paul Boese Translation
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
- definition of happiness by John F. Kennedy The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
-- Winston Churchill "Video games are bad for you? That's what they said about rock 'n roll." (Shigeru Miyamoto, game designer for Nintendo) "I have no special gift; I am only passionately curious." (Albert Einstein) There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one
of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
-- George Bernard Shaw Translation Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn
themselves to a life of vinegar.
-- Countess of Blessington Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-- Jackie Mason Translation
