"Transport of the mails, transport of the human voice, transport of flickering pictures--in this century as in others our highest accomplishments still have the single aim of bringing men together." When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall
looking frantic.
-- Steven Wright The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
-- General George Patton Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
-- P. J. O'Rourke The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the
false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
-- Salvador Dali Education The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.
-- Virginia Woolf Life is like a movie--since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the
bathroom in the middle of it.
-- Nick Mirov Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass.
-- French Proverb Education
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and
why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inex "The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is the love of ourselves." (William Hazlitt) Generations to come will find it difficult to believe that a man such as Gandhi ever walked the
face of this earth.
-- Albert Einstein I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was
doing spying.
-- Francis Gary Power, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an i There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
- Frank Zappa Education I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!
-- Woody Allen Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.
-- Socrates Education
"Eschew the ordinary, disdain the commonplace. If you have a single-minded need for something, let it be the unusual, the esoteric, the bizarre, the unexpected..." (Chuck Jones) Journalism is merely history's first draft.
-- Geoffrey C. Ward If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry
that gets you, not the loss of sleep.
-- Dale Carnegie Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the
time by watching the second hand of a clock.
-- Ben Hecht A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.
-- James Lowell Education We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we
respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
-- H. L. Mencken I want to die in my sleep like my friend.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his
car.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would
be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
3) D Education
"How can we know the dancer from the dance?" (William Butler Yeats) You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before
marriage, which is never advisable.
-- Oscar Wilde A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
-- Dean Acheson In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz Education The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and
science.
-- Albert Einstein Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first. "Freedom of press is limited to those who own one." (Henry Louis Mencken) Education
Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not
impress the neighbors as being very much.
-- Zora Neale Hurston If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
-- Kingsley Amis You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
-- John Ciardi Education Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
-- Helen Keller Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
-- Oscar Levant, to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee Education
"To avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." (Elbert Hubbard, American author, 1856-1915) We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.
-- Agnes Repplier All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was
60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
-- Ellen DeGeneres Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
-- Bob Perelman Education If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
-- Mother Teresa More light!
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, dying words Wherever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry S. Truman Education
Who, being loved, is poor?
-- Oscar Wilde Life is like a movie--since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the
bathroom in the middle of it.
-- Nick Mirov My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
-- Abraham Lincoln I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
-- Will Rogers Love me or hate me, but spare me your indifference.
-- Libbie Fudim Education "Nothing touches a work of art so little as words of criticism: they always result in more or less fortunate misunderstandings." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet) The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing
changes and yet everything is completely different.
-- Aldous Huxley "Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes." (Oscar Wilde) Education
If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.
-- Marcus Aurelius "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but
as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!"
-- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
-- Vince Lombardi Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
-- Buddha The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the
betterment of life.
-- Henry Ford Education He would make a lovely corpse.
- Charles Dickens Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
- Jean-Paul Sartre Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center of the universe. The
premise is wrong, but the navigation works. An incorrect model can be a useful tool.
-- Kelvin Throop I Education
It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
-- Emiliano Zapata "Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." (H. H. Williams) Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.
-- Shane Leslie I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
-- Carol Leifer I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
-- Will Rogers Education "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." (G. Randolf) Matters of religion should never be matters of controversy. We neither argue with a lover about
his taste, not condemn him, if we are just, for knowing so human a passion.
-- George Santayana Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.
-- Thornton Wilder Education
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.
-- King George V "One of the great dangers in having a career is getting bored." (Itzhak Perlman) It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
-- Jane Austen "Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic." (Jean Sibelius) "The only way to have friends is to be one." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Education Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
-- Oscar Wilde "REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion." (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary) "Babies are necessary to grown-ups. A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities. In a world that is cutting down its trees to build highways, losing its eart Education
It is always right that a man should be able to render a reason for the faith that is within him.
-- Sydney Smith There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
-- Fred Hoyle We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.
-- Voltaire By the time (the Leaning Tower of Pisa) was 10% built, everyone knew it would be a total
disaster. But the investment was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it cost
a fortune "I don't think it's the nature of any man to be monogamous. Men are propelled by genetically ordained impulses over which they have no control to distribute their seed." (Marlon Brando) Education A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.
-- Albert Einstein Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. -- Ken Dodd A multiple personality is in a certain sense normal.
-- George H. Mead Education
