Health food makes me sick.
-- Calvin Trillin When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall
looking frantic.
-- Steven Wright You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
-- Al Capone "I am interested in anything about revolt, disorder , chaos--especially activity that seems to have no meaning. It seems to me to be the road toward freedom ... Rather than starting inside, I start ou Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own
language and forthwith it is something entirely different.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Kill Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-- Jim Backus Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and
illiterate sport fishermen.
-- P. J. O'Rourke The open-minded see the truth in different things: the narrow-minded see only the differences.
-- Author Unknown Kill
Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions.
-- John Randolph "Nothing has been purchased more dearly than the little bit of reason and sense of freedom which now constitutes our pride." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin!
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show All science is concerned with the relationship of cause and effect. Each scientific discovery
increases man's ability to predict the consequences of his actions and thus his ability to control
futur Kill Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
-- Aaron Levenstein Children are the only form of immortality that we can be sure of.
-- Peter Ustinov This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but hurled with great force.
-- Dorothy Parker Kill
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this
is true.
-- James Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
- Paul Erdos Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.
-- General Douglas MacArthur Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
-- Madame de Rieux "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." (George Carlin) Kill I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.
-- Oscar Wilde Cricket is best described as organised loafing.
-- Anonymous British Radio Broadcaster, 1996 Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.
-- Alvin Toffler Kill
"Mistakes are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce) A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Goethe Life is like a movie--since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the
bathroom in the middle of it.
-- Nick Mirov Feeding the hungry is a greater work than raising the dead.
-- Saint John Chrysostom Prejudice is the child of ignorance.
-- William Hazlitt Kill A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
-- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act i. Sc. 1. Now is the time for all good men to come to.
-- Walt Kelly Kill
"One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Not much meat on her, but what's there is choice.
-- Spencer Tracy, about Katharine Hepburn Women's liberationists spread the word that...the only peaceful family is one in which either the
wife is enslaved or the husband is androgynous.
-- R. Emmett Tyell, The Liberal Crack-Up, 1984 blah "If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." (Thomas Alva Edison) "By seeing the seed of failure in every success, we remain humble. By seeing the seed of success in every failure we remain hopeful." (Mel Ziegler, founder of Banana Republic) Kill "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong." (Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire, 1694-1778) There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one
of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
-- George Bernard Shaw "I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it." (Ashleigh Brilliant) Kill
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her
have her own way.
-- Anonymous Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
-- Albert Einstein Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.
-- Pauline Thomason The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
-- Frank J. Dobie, A Texan in England, 1945 People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard Kill "Defeat the fear of death and welcome the death of fear." (G. Gordon Liddy) To die for an idea is to set a rather high price on conjecture.
-- Anatole France Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.
-- Virginia Woolf Kill
Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
-- Anonymous "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) "You exist only in what you do." (Federico Fellini) Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between.
-- David Letterman Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Kill Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
-- Oscar Wilde If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams What do you take me for, an idiot?
- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy Kill
I would have made a good Pope.
-- Richard Nixon, U.S. President The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
-- Anonymous Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.
-- Diane Ackerman "No one lies so boldly as the man who is indignant." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The fantasy which serves as a support for the figure of the Stalinist Communist is therefore
exactly the same as the fantasy which is at work in the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
-- Slavoj Zizek Kill When you're away, I'm restless, lonely
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.
-- Samuel Hoffenstein Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. -- Borge To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and to
finish without knowing what you have written.
-- Jean Jacques Rousseau Kill
"The most beautiful things in the world are the most useless, peacocks and lilies, for instance." (John Ruskin) All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story "Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains." (Karl Marx) If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. If still boring, then eight. Then sixteen. Then thirty-two. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring at all." (John Cage) The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth
shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.
-- Archie Bunker, character on "All in the Family, Kill Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
-- Patricia Sampson You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family. Such is life.
-- Ned Kelly, Last words, before being hung at Old Melbourne Gaol Kill
Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.
--Don Galer When you are right, you cannot be too radical; When you are wrong, you cannot be too
conservative.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. Biography lends to death a new terror.
-- Oscar Wilde I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the
calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
-- Mark Twain May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house. Kill The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the
chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
- unknown Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
-- George Santayana "Every act of creation is first an act of destruction." (Pablo Picasso) Kill
"One of the great dangers in having a career is getting bored." (Itzhak Perlman) I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
- John F. Kennedy when asked what is his favorite song Correction: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
-- Albert Einstein "The feminists used to say that chivalry and ladyhood were ways of keeping women down and preventing them from standing toe to toe with the guys. Now you've got a lot of women saying that if a guy is Kill The first duty of love is to listen.
-- Paul Tillich Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.
-- Chinese Proverb The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same
joke and still feel lonely.
-- T. S. Eliot Kill
