Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years. "I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me." (George Bernard Shaw) "The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding." (Albert Camus) Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically,
ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion.
-- Fred Rogers, parody of "Row, row, row your boa Localities "Humans beings can always be relied upon to assert, with vigor, their god-given right to be stupid." (Dean Koontz, Seize the Night) A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright blah "A subject for a great poet would be God's boredom after the seventh day of creation." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Localities
No matter who you vote for, the Government always gets in.
-- Anon. We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person
perfectly.
-- Anonymous Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced. Knowledge is the intellectual manipulation of carefully verified observations.
-- Sigmund Freud The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-- Blaise Pascal, Pensées, trans. A.J. Krailsheimer Localities Oregon Democratic Senate candidate Tom Bruggere, in describing his support for
comprehensive health care during a candidates' forum, said he supported "erection-to-
resurrection" coverage. He later a The democratic theory is that if you accumulate enough ignorance at the polls, you produce
intelligence.
-- Philo Vance Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
-- Samuel Butler Localities
"Conforming is only acceptable when you conform with a nonconformist." (John A. Simone Jr.) You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.
-- American Proverb I think, therefore I'm single.
-- Female philosopher Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
-- Colin Greene I find television very educating. Every time sombody turns on the set, I go into the other room and
read a book.
-- Groucho Marx Localities Truth must necessarily be stranger than fiction, for fiction is the creation of the human mind and
therefore congenial to it.
-- G. K. Chesterton Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-- Will Rogers Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.
-- Anonymous Localities
"Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?" (Josef Stalin) If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.
-- George S. Patton, Jr. I don't know as much as God, but I know more than He did at my age.
-- Henry Kissinger Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
-- Rose Franken Work expands to fill the time available.
-- PARKINSON'S LAW Localities Man and wife make one fool. A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
-- Josh Billings Localities
"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
-- Charles Pierce In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount.
-- Clare Boothe Luce Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.
-- Shane Leslie Localities Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt "I would rather die standing than live on my knees!" (Emiliano Zapata) Considering the flames and intolerance, shouldn't USENET be spelled ABUSENET?
-- Michael Meissner Localities
Drink to me.
-- Pablo Picasso, dying words Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
-- Anonymous Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
-- Ralph Marston I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
-- Michael McShane Localities Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
-- Robert Frost Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
-- Rita Rudner The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth.
-- Niels Bohr Localities
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and
illiterate sport fishermen.
-- P. J. O'Rourke It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves
great results. The wish to preserve the past rather that the hope of creating the future dominates
the Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through
self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
-- Helen Keller "I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." (Joan Rivers) "College professors are the people who can't hack it in the real world." (William Thomas) Localities Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through
self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
-- Helen Keller Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
-- Henry Ford Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
- Irving Kristol Localities
Great innovations should not be forced on slender majorities.
-- Thomas Jefferson The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are going.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes "If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear." (George Orwell) In medieval times, people thought that evil spirits could enter a person through an open mouth.
These days they more often leave that way.
-- David Deckert To be able to say how much love, is love but little.
-- Petrarch Localities I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
-- Adela Rogers St. John The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
-- Joseph Heller, God Knows Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.
-- Emily Dickinson Localities
Of the seven dwarves, only Dopey had a shaven face. This should tell us something about the
custom of shaving.
-- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every
morning and say, "How's the President?"
-- Will Rogers The only reward of virtue is virtue.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson "Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you." (Robert A. Heinlein) Anything is possible, but only a few things actually happen.
-- Richard Rosen Localities Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K. Dick The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the
bad ones.
-- W. Somerset Maugham Elegance of language may not be in the power of all of us; but simplicity and straight forwardness
are. Write much as you would speak; speak as you think. If with your inferior, speak no coarser
tha Localities
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
-- John Stuart Mill We love because it's the only true adventure.
-- Nikki Giovanni Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
-- Samuel Butler Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by
definition, is unassailable.
-- James Baldwin, Nobody Knows My Name, 1961 Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately
becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in
those tiny toil Localities Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
-- Henry Ford I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability.
-- Oscar Wilde You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald
spot.
-- Elayne Boosler Localities
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
-- Lao Tzu With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
-- Abraham Lincoln The nourishment is palatable.
-- Millard Fillmore, dying words A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. Every day sends to their
graves obscure men whom timidity prevented from making a first effort.
-- Sydney Smith Localities Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes What do you take me for, an idiot?
- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic Localities
