Plandemonium - Satirical flash game in which the player explores a selection of stories concerning property development in Dublin.
elementalsoup - Alternative Northern Irish humour and satire.
Pepper - An archive of funny email forwards and attatchments.
"Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible." (Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol's Exposures, 1980) Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem
mild harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's
chara Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
-- Sun Tzu "My daughter has never forgiven me. for what, I don't know, because for years, she won't speak to me. She blackens my name in the press and makes me think abortion is an excellent idea." (Klaus Kinsk Well if this is the wrong number, why did you answer it?
-- James Thurber Humour In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.
- Friedrich Nietzsche Whoever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind.
-- Sebastian Roch Nicolas Chamfort Humour
"We have so little presumption that we should like to be known in the world, even to those who come after when we are no more. We have so little vanity that the esteem of five people, say six, amuses It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.
-- Confucius Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for
appointment by the corrupt few.
-- George bernard Shaw "It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing." (Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises) Humour A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-- John Ciardi "In married life three is company and two is none." (Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest) "I couldn't find the sports car of my dreams, so I built it myself." (Dr. Ferdinand Porsche) Humour
I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the
advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults of the first.
-- Benjamin Franklin Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
-- Stephen Leacock "It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard." (Dorothy Parker, 1893-1967, US writer) When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-- Sacha Guitry The possibility that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause
we believe to be just.
-- Abraham Lincoln Humour "Every act of violence increases the recruitment of terrorists. Iraq has been turned into a base of terror." (Noam Chomsky, from The Toronto Star, March 23, 2004) "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." (Mark Twain) "Be the change that you want to see in the world." (Mohandas Gandhi) Humour
And gain is gain, however small.
-- Robert Browning Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives. The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.
-- Emerson, Ralph Waldo "Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal." (Leo Tolstoy, 1828-1910) If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
-- Johnny Carson Humour blah "Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people." (François VI Duke (duc) de La Rochefoucauld, 1616-80) Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns By the time (the Leaning Tower of Pisa) was 10% built, everyone knew it would be a total
disaster. But the investment was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it cost
a fortune Humour
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
- Carl Sagan Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them.
-- Richard Strauss, on conducting Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?
-- The Artist Formerly Known As Prince When a girl marries she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.
-- Helen Rowland Humour "God's creatures, great and small ... eat them one, eat them all." (John A. Simone Sr.) Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
- Auric Goldfinger, in Goldfinger by Ian L. Fleming Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
- Henry Ford Humour
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first. I hate it in friends when they come too late to help.
-- Euripides If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavours to live the life which
one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
-- Henry David Thoreau "The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet." (Andy Warhol) In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not
allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating,
stealing, Humour Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large
organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
-- Dave Barry Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately
becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in
those tiny toil The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not
"Eureka!", but "That's funny..."
-- Isaac Asimov Humour
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
-- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act i. Sc. 1. "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." (Albert Einstein) Imagination is the highest kite one can fly.
-- Lauren Bacall Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
-- Fredrich Halm "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." (Emma Lazarus) Humour "The brighter you are, the more you have to learn." (Don Herold) Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
- Albert Giacometti (sculptor) Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
-- Igor Stravinsky Humour
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you
yourself have altered.
-- Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
-- Samuel Johnson All human actions are equivalent... and... all are on principle doomed...
-- Jean-Paul Sartre, "Being and Nothingness" The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
-- Winston Churchill If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
-- Anonymous Humour "A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." (Henry B. Adams) Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a
holding pattern over Philadelphia.
-- Judith Viorst Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you
together, but do so with all your heart.
-- Marcus Aurelius Humour
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor If a man is considered guilty for what goes on in his mind, give me the electric chair for all my
future crimes.
-- Prince Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the
moment.
-- Robert Benchley Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the
unpalatable.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963) Humour Only the little people pay taxes.
-- Leona Helmsley, hotel owner and prison inmate, 1989 When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with
the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover,
He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
-- Bertolt Brecht Humour
The executive exists to make sensible exceptions to general rules.
-- Elting E. Morison All you need is love.
-- The Beatles, song title When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby.
-- Nigerian Proverb "This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one." (Arthur C. Clarke) Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the
unpalatable.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith Humour In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty.
-- Christopher Morley The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-- Jilly Cooper We can never be sure that the opinion we are endeavoring to stifle is a false opinion; and if we
were sure, stifling it would be an evil still.
-- John Stuart Mill Humour
"Those that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Benjamin Franklin) blah "An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels that she may exert all her powers of pleasing without suspicion." ( "Common sense and education are highly compatible; in fact, neither is worth much without the other." (Donald G. Smith) Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Never judge a book by its movie.
-- J. W. Eagan Humour Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
-- George Saunders - last words I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.
-- Doug MacLeod By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates Humour
