Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
-- Erma Bombeck I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic
wastes to Third Wo The difference between a man who faces death for the sake of an idea and an imitator who goes
in search of martyrdom is that the former expresses his idea most fully in death while the latter
really Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue.
-- Hermione Gingold Women are like tea bags; put them in hot water and they get stronger.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt Recreation and Sports Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
-- Anonymous "Some people must go to extremes to get the world in balance for themselves. Some can't bear bright lights, so wherever they go they search for the dark; they turn the lights down, anything to sustain Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would
be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
3) D Recreation and Sports
"Eschew the ordinary, disdain the commonplace. If you have a single-minded need for something, let it be the unusual, the esoteric, the bizarre, the unexpected..." (Chuck Jones) Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
-- Mark Twain If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
-- Aristotle Onassis To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up. -- Nash The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
-- Richard Braunstein Recreation and Sports In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. "Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts." (Henry B. Adams) The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does
not stop until you get into the office.
-- Robert Frost Recreation and Sports
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." (Roald Dahl) Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me." (George Bernar Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.
-- Thornton Wilder This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises,
promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
-- Anonymous Recreation and Sports Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of
humor is just common sense, dancing.
-- Clive James Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. Recreation and Sports
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of
the other person.
-- Mark Twain "Man is a strange animal. He generally cannot read the handwriting on the wall until his back is up against it." (Adlai Stevenson) Use your own best judgment at all times.
-- The entire Nordstrom's Department Stores policy manual Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not
mean his maker, but himself.
-- Dean Inge "I praise loudly. I blame softly." (Catherine the Great) Recreation and Sports Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of
hers.
-- Anonymous It is never too late to be what you might have been.
-- George Eliot Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.
-- Margaret Mead Recreation and Sports
My Alma mater was books, a good library . . . . I could spend the rest of my life reading, just
satisfying my curiosity.
--Malcolm X "I couldn't find the sports car of my dreams, so I built it myself." (Dr. Ferdinand Porsche) "I've never let my school interfere with my education." (Mark Twain) Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them.
-- Richard Strauss, on conducting Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde Recreation and Sports Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
-- Billy Sunday Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than
the wisest man can answer.
-- Charles Caleb Colton When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
-- Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973 Recreation and Sports
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Therefore:
? In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its
duties.
? Work "Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
- Auric Goldfinger, in Goldfinger by Ian L. Fleming Recreation and Sports Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license. To teach is to learn twice.
-- Joseph Joubert A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Goethe Recreation and Sports
I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- Tynan Laundry increases exponentially in the number of children.
-- Miriam Robbins My good intentions are completely lethal.
-- Margaret Atwood Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely
pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent Recreation and Sports When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
-- Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973 If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
-- Johnny Carson I still live.
-- Daniel Webster, dying words Recreation and Sports
I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy.
-- J. Curtis McKay, Wisconsin State Elections Board "The happy people are failures because they are on such good terms with themselves they don't give a damn." (Agatha Christie) Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her
have her own way.
-- Anonymous I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a
woman.
-- Virginia Woolf Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
-- Buddha Recreation and Sports Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the
source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ign blah "The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read." (Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965) Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau Recreation and Sports
He who kisses the joy is it flies lives in eternity's sunrise
-- William Blake This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold
of a hammer.
-- Will Rogers "A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities." (Eda J. Le Shan) In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
-- Albert Einstein I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
-- Rose Kennedy, (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991 Recreation and Sports Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars
-- Les Brown The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning
it.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. Recreation and Sports
Cricket is best described as organised loafing.
-- Anonymous British Radio Broadcaster, 1996 Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
-- Robert Frost blah "Each friend represents a world in us; a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only in meeting them that a new world is born." (Anais Nin) "It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." (Eugene Ionesco) "Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country." (Marquis de Lafayette) Recreation and Sports The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic I am going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call the time Eternity." (Jerzy Kosinski, Polish novelist, from his suicide note) "Murder is the very bed-rock of our social institutions." (Octave Mirbeau, The Torture Garden) Recreation and Sports
The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.
-- Lord Byron A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
-- Joseph Addison He who laughs, lasts.
-- Mary Pettibone Poole In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar--a practice which is still continued.
-- Helen Rowland "Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) Recreation and Sports I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
-- Michael McShane "Beauty awakens the soul to act." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) "That's the true sign. If the lover has not yet achieved his prize, his eyes will follow the woman, while she appears indifferent. But once he's gained his goal, it's the woman's eyes that follow him, Recreation and Sports
