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I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson "That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves." (Thomas Jefferson) blah "An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels that she may exert all her powers of pleasing without suspicion." ( "The most beautiful things in the world are the most useless, peacocks and lilies, for instance." (John Ruskin) Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor of journalism in that by giving us the
opinion of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
-- Oscar W Comics "Do you know that places only yield up their secrets, their most profound mysteries, to those who are just passing through?" (Salman Rushdie, The Moor's Last Sigh) "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." (Albert Einstein) Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson.
-- Vernon Law Comics
Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.
-- Anonymous The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
- Henry Louis Mencken "Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em." (William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, II:5) Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.
-- Michael Leunig Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.
-- Thornton Wilder Comics You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald
spot.
-- Elayne Boosler "If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in government to the utmost." (Aristotle) "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) Comics
"Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck." (George Sanders, suicide note) Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
-- Bob Perelman "The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." (Thomas Carlyle, 1795-1881) "I have an unfortunate personality." (George Orson Welles) Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times.
-- Jonson, Ben Comics Look not mournfully into the Past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present. It is
thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy Future, without fear, and with a manly heart.
-- Henry Wadsworth Lo It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.
-- Alec Bourne, A Doctor's Creed A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
-- Gloria Steinem Comics
For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good
results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
-- Laundry instructions on a shirt "For how can one know color in perpetual green, and what good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness?" (John Steinbeck, Travels With Charley) The paradox is really the pathos of intellectual life and just as only great souls are exposed to
passions it is only the great thinker who is exposed to what I call paradoxes, which are . . .
grand "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do." (Dale Carnegie) My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her. Comics The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the
purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
-- Anatole France Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them.
-- Richard Strauss, on conducting "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." (Fred Allen) Comics
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
-- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act i. Sc. 1. All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
-- Charlie Chaplin All over Washington today, the politicians and the power brokers are happy. In fact, if you listen
closely, you can hear the sound of champagne corks popping.
-- Paul Jacob, Term Limits Executive Di Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. Comics .. I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over
myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long
per "I learned more from the one restaurant that didn't work than from all the ones that were successes." (Wolfgang Puck, restauranteur) In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose
shoulders we stand.
-- Gerald Holton Comics
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect, and it is shameful to surrender it too soon or to the first
comer: there is nobility in preserving it coolly and proudly through long youth, until at last If it were weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
-- Rodney Dangerfield "One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people's lives without having to pay the price. I've never been one of those actors who has touted myself as a fascinating human being. I My good intentions are completely lethal.
-- Margaret Atwood Comics The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
-- P. J. O'Rourke What's another word for "Thesaurus?"
-- Steven Wright Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labour in
freedom.
-- Albert Einstein Comics
When Michelangelo finished the painting of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling, he spent the rest of his
life trying to remove the paint that had poured into his sleeve.
-- Francois Cavanna The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-- Jilly Cooper Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
-- Anonymous America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a
chair.
-- Arnold Toynbee I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal Comics "Conscience and cowardice are really the same things. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm. That is all." (Oscar Wilde) The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because
generally they are the same people.
-- G. K. Chesterton "Those who hear not the music think the dancers mad." (Anonymous) Comics
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. "To err is human; to forgive, divine." (Alexander Pope) Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
-- Anonymous blah "Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then be trusted with the government of others? Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him? Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. -- Rich Little Comics I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including:
* Both of your socks should always be the same color
* Or they should at least both be fairly dark
-- Dave Barry If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. "When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools." (William Shakespeare) Comics
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-- Sam Kinison blah "The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read." (Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965) I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
-- Woody Allen The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning
it.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton "How can we know the dancer from the dance?" (William Butler Yeats) Comics It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
- Will Durant Drink to me.
-- Pablo Picasso, dying words Comics
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
- Carl Sagan To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
-- Lao Tzu "When even one American--who has done nothing wrong--is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth--then all Americans are in peril." (Harry S. Truman) A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company.
-- Charles Evans Hughes I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Comics The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the
false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
-- Salvador Dali My father was a minister. I had to make up for the lack of sin.
-- Milwuakee mayor, on why he became a politician Just buy a box of popcorn and a Coca-Cola and sit back and watch.
-- James Carville, Clinton advisor, offering advice for Democrats on the term-limits vote in the
House Comics
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your
girdle when your hips stick.
-- Ogden Nash "The meeting of two personalites is like the contact of two chemical substances. If there is any reaction, both are transformed." (Carl Gustav Jung) To be able to say how much love, is love but little.
-- Petrarch Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in
a car he sticks his head out the window.
-- Steve Bluestone I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
- John F. Kennedy when asked what is his favorite song Comics "Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are
capable of being.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that
no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
-- Paul Dirac Comics
