Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained.
-- John Powell "Excellence is in the details. Give attention to the details and excellence will come." (Perry Paxton) A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking.
-- Martin H. Fischer Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking, but you are getting sweeter.
-- N. D. Stice Just buy a box of popcorn and a Coca-Cola and sit back and watch.
-- James Carville, Clinton advisor, offering advice for Democrats on the term-limits vote in the
House V Reading computer manuals without the hardware is a frustrating as reading sex manuals without
the software.
-- Arthur C. Clarke I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady
in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
-- Dick Martin I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
-- Gore Vidal V
"A man must dream a long time in order to act with grandeur, and dreaming is nursed in darkness." (Jean Genet) Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Rabbi Julius Gordon No wonder nobody comes here--it's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra When a girl marries she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.
-- Helen Rowland Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man. V Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.
-- Edward H. Land Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and
begin slitting throats.
- Henry Louis Mencken If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
-- Harry Shearer V
Luck is the residue of design.
- Branch Rickey - former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say -- unless you insist on saying it.
-- Anonymous Better to die ten thousand deaths than wound my honor.
-- Joseph Addison In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Therefore:
? In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its
duties.
? Work V You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.
-- Stanislaw J. Lem In endowing us with memory, nature has revealed to us a truth utterly unimaginable to the
unreflective creation, the truth of immortality....The most ideal human passion is love, which is
also the m "Every now and then say, 'What the fu(c)k.' 'What the fu(c)k' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future." (Curtis Armstrong, Risky Business, 1983) V
"Dreams are the touchstones of our personality." (Henry David Thoreau) "See - one side of my face is gentle and kind, incapable of anything but love of my fellow man. The other side, the other profile, is cruel and predatory and evil, incapable of anything but lusts and Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday
afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz "Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country." (Marquis de Lafayette) When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- Guitry V Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
-- Karl Marx, dying words to his housekeeper My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them. The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have
to shave twice a day.
-- Adlai Stevenson V
Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
-- Charles Pierce It makes no difference who you vote for - the two parties are really one party representing four
percent of the people.
-- Gore Vidal I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't
certain we knew better.
-- George Bird Evans Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
-- Laurence J. Peter An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie V "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost." (Charles Caleb Colton) We can say 'Peace on Earth,' we can sing about it, preach about it or pray about it, but if we have
not internalized the mythology to make it happen inside us, then it will not be.
-- Betty Shabazz If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry
that gets you, not the loss of sleep.
-- Dale Carnegie V
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein "Common sense and education are highly compatible; in fact, neither is worth much without the other." (Donald G. Smith) "Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it." (John Quincy Adams) Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
-- Max Frisch The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism
is the equal sharing of miseries.
-- Winston Churchill V The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
-- Josh Billings If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. If still boring, then eight. Then sixteen. Then thirty-two. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring at all." (John Cage) If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?
-- Albert Einstein V
Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.
-- Sigmund Freud A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a
minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity.
-- Albert Einstein The fantasy which serves as a support for the figure of the Stalinist Communist is therefore
exactly the same as the fantasy which is at work in the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
-- Slavoj Zizek "A true friend stabs you in the front." (Oscar Wilde) I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it.
And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
-- George Bus V Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
-- Marx Groucho, the film "Animal Crackers" Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window.
You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.
-- Jean Ke I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
-- Barbara Bush, first lady, 1989 V
"It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what other men say in whole books--what other men do not say in whole books." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols) Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and
retaliation. the foundation of such a method is love.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. "I would rather die standing than live on my knees!" (Emiliano Zapata) "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." (Oscar Wilde) Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of
the time.
-- E. B. White V Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
-- Red Buttons The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
-- Sebastian Roch Nicolas Chamfort Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.
-- Gandhi V
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
- Helen Rowland The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism
is the equal sharing of miseries.
-- Winston Churchill Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
-- Frank L. Visco, How to Write Good The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- S. T. Coleridge "Children spell love...T-I-M-E." (Dr. Anthony P. Witham) V "To educate educators! But the first ones must educate themselves! And for these I write." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license. I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson V
Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
-- Boies Penrose, 1931 "If a man has good corn, or wood, or boards, or pigs to sell, or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles, or church organs, than anybody else, you will find a broad, hard-beaten road to his house, blah "You shall find out how salt is the taste of another man's bread, and how hard is the way up and down another man's stairs." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) The Churches must learn humility as well as teach it.
-- George Bernard Shaw, St. Joan Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
-- Mark Twain V "Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." (George Bernard Shaw) The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
-- B. F. Skinner The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the
false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
-- Salvador Dali V
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
-- Samuel Butler A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-- Robert Frost cannot imagine any condition which would cause this ship to founder. Modern shipbuilding has
gone beyond that.
-- E. I. Smith, Captain of the Titanic The best teacher is the one who suggests rather than dogmatizes, and inspires his listener with
the wish to teach himself.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton "College: two hundred people reading same book. An obvious mistake. Two hundred people can read two hundred books." (John Cage, M, Writings 1967 - 1972) V We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry.
-- John Webster Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in
a car he sticks his head out the window.
-- Steve Bluestone V
