"You exist only in what you do." (Federico Fellini) My other wife is beautiful. Research is the act of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
-- Plutarch In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken "There are no uninteresting things, only uninteresting people." (Gilbert Keith Chesterton) Newspapers "It is neccessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live." (Alexander Dumas) I don't feel good.
-- Luther Burbank, dying words I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
-- W. C. Fields Newspapers
Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married.
-- George Bernard Shaw "I'm basically an optimist in life but this doesn't prevent me from deducing as a scientist that we are probably doomed." (Vladimir Chaloupka, physicist, University of Washington, regarding mankind's Oregon Democratic Senate candidate Tom Bruggere, in describing his support for
comprehensive health care during a candidates' forum, said he supported "erection-to-
resurrection" coverage. He later a Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
-- David Chambless Beauty as we feel it is something indescribable; what it is or what it means can never be said.
-- George Santayana Newspapers Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
-- Henry Ford Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.
-- John Galsworthy Genius is an African who dreams up snow.
-- Vladimir Nabokov Newspapers
Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can
only read the title.
-- Virginia Woolf My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for
him.
-- Rich Little I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- Tynan Newspapers When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 "What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage." Newspapers
I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in
charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about.
-- Hen Virtue is like health: the harmony of the whole man.
-- Thomas Carlyle The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind
woman.
-- S. T. Coleridge Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married.
-- George Bernard Shaw If you cannot be the master of your language, you must be its slave. If you cannot examine your
thoughts, you have no choice but to think them, however silly they may be.
-- Richard Mitchell, from Newspapers I think, therefore I'm single.
-- Female philosopher "'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!'" (Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass) Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.
-- Sigmund Freud Newspapers
"I would rather die standing than live on my knees!" (Emiliano Zapata) Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
- Albert Giacometti (sculptor) Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but
newspapers.
-- Thomas Jefferson The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic Newspapers The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing
extraordinary All virtue is summed up in dealing justly.
-- Aristotle "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." (Sharon Stone) Newspapers
I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the
marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.
-- Bette Davis The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism
is the equal sharing of miseries.
-- Winston Churchill Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
-- Typewriting exercise Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of
responsibility at the other.
-- Ronald Reagan, Saturday Evening Post, 1965 Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
- Mark Twain Newspapers The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt "The feminists used to say that chivalry and ladyhood were ways of keeping women down and preventing them from standing toe to toe with the guys. Now you've got a lot of women saying that if a guy is "We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled but as candles to be lit." (Robert Shaffer) Newspapers
"Think off-center." (George Carlin) Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good
taste in men!
-- Wedding Toast Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is
merely a good excuse not to play football.
-- Fran Lebowitz Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
-- Unknown history student Realism is a corruption of reality.
-- Wallace Stevens Newspapers I would have made a good Pope.
-- Richard Nixon, U.S. President Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
-- Erma Bombeck Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
-- Mark Twain Newspapers
There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never
were, and ask why not?
-- Robert Francis Kennedy Correction: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong." (Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire, 1694-1778) I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and
members of the Senate.
-- Dan Quayle, Former Vice-President The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth.
-- Niels Bohr Newspapers "Life is a great surprise. I don't see why death should not be an even greater one." (Vladimir Nabokov) If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
-- Pope John Paul I "It is a curious thing that God learned Greek when he wished to turn author--and that he did not learn it better." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Newspapers
Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
-- Bertrand Russell The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is
not read.
-- Oscar Wilde I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way
around Chinatown.
-- Woody Allen "Have you ever fed your pocket and starved your soul?" (Ivana Santilli, Too Deep) If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having
passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
-- Anonymous Newspapers I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx Honor's a thing too subtle for wisdom; if honor lie in eating, he's right honorable.
-- Beaumont, Francis Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. Newspapers
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
-- Soren Kierkegaard A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
-- H. L. Mencken He who receives an idea from me receives instruction for himself without lessening mine; as he
who lights his taper at mine receives light without darkening me.
-- Thomas Jefferson "The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right." (Mark Twain) The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
-- Lucille S. Harper Newspapers Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add
up.
-- Anon If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
-- George Gobel It is always right that a man should be able to render a reason for the faith that is within him.
-- Sydney Smith Newspapers
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-- Gandhi Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and
blows up the bonfire.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King Jr. "Mistakes are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce) Grow old with me! The best is yet to be!
-- Robert Browning Newspapers A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants.
-- Arthur Schoperhauer There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.
-- George Armstrong Custer "I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." (James Madison) Newspapers
