My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. Half of the American people never read a newspaper.
Half never voted for President.
One hopes it is the same half.
-- Gore Vidal Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
-- Oscar Wilde Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. Live TV died in the late 1950s, electronic bulletin boards came along in the mid-1980s, meaning
there was about a 25-year gap when it was difficult to put your foot in your mouth and have
people all Guides and Directories Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
- Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing "Every act of violence increases the recruitment of terrorists. Iraq has been turned into a base of terror." (Noam Chomsky, from The Toronto Star, March 23, 2004) Guides and Directories
"It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard." (Dorothy Parker, 1893-1967, US writer) If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.
-- James McNeill Whistler In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams In times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves
beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
-- Al Rogers, Global SchoolHouse Netw I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put
over my kitchen table.
-- Rodney Dangerfield Guides and Directories "Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." (Oscar Wilde) A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.
-- James Lowell Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed.
-- Hoshang N. Akhtar Guides and Directories
If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
-- Anonymous Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.
-- Anaïs Nin Only the little people pay taxes.
-- Leona Helmsley, hotel owner and prison inmate, 1989 "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." (Fred Allen) Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
-- Groucho Marx Guides and Directories "To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." (Thomas Campbell) Nothing average ever stood as a monument to progress. When progress is looking for a partner it
doesn't turn to those who believe they are only average. It turns instead to those who are forever
sea Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
-- Carl Zwanzig Guides and Directories
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
-- George Gobel Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it.
-- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, Lazarus Long "From the start, marriage was instituted for contemptible, practical reasons--an idea of men." (Catherine Deneuve) Consequences, schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich!
-- Chuck Jones-directed cartoon Guides and Directories A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde "All grown-ups were once children, though few of them remember it." (Antoine de Saint Exupéry) The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-- Blaise Pascal, Pensées, trans. A.J. Krailsheimer Guides and Directories
The multitude is always in the wrong.
-- Wentworth Dillon, Earl of Roscommon, 1684 The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-- Lily Tomlin "When even one American--who has done nothing wrong--is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth--then all Americans are in peril." (Harry S. Truman) In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.
-- English Proverb By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates Guides and Directories Parents are the bones upon which children sharpen their teeth.
-- Peter Ustinov When Michelangelo finished the painting of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling, he spent the rest of his
life trying to remove the paint that had poured into his sleeve.
-- Francois Cavanna Love matches, so called, have illusion for their father and need for their mother.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche Guides and Directories
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
-- Karl Wallenda Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to
realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and
grie If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
-- Anonymous Grow old with me! The best is yet to be!
-- Robert Browning Guides and Directories What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat
guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the
truth.
- Sherlock Holmes When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being
brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
-- Cynthia H Guides and Directories
Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just
flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical
deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.
-- Albert Einstein Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-- Jim Backus "I was born lost and take no pleasure in being found..." (John Steinbeck, Travels With Charley) Your every voter, as surely as your chief magistrate, exercises a public trust.
-- Grover Cleveland Guides and Directories Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a
dozen.
-- John Steinbeck I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
-- Mother Teresa Women are the only exploited group in history to have been idealized into powerlessness.
-- Erica Jong Guides and Directories
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-- John Ciardi Ninety percent of everything is crap.
-- Theodore Sturgeon This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. "Death where is thy sting? Love, where is thy glory?" (William Shakespeare) Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately
becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in
those tiny toil Guides and Directories I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
- Rudyard Kipling Never be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with another man, be kind
and understanding. If she says she would like to go out with the Dallas Cowboys, including the
coachin Guides and Directories
Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwile careers in the
street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack
of u An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
-- Niels Bohr Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
-- Red Buttons The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
- definition of happiness by John F. Kennedy "One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Guides and Directories It destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being.
-- Benjamin Disraeli And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.
-- The Beatles, The last lyric of their last song The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. --Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Guides and Directories
"This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one." (Arthur C. Clarke) After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
-- Aldous Huxley "One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
-- H. L. Mencken Guides and Directories The person who is slowest in making a promise is most faithful in its performance.
-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a
lot less.
-- Brendon Behan "I've decided something: Commercial things really do stink. As soon as it becomes commercial for a mass market it really stinks." (Andy Warhol, The Andy Warhol Diaries, 1989) Guides and Directories
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
-- Will Rogers "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." (A. A. Milne) "The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is the love of ourselves." (William Hazlitt) "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
-- Abraham Lincoln Guides and Directories If your professor wrote it, it's as near to the truth as you ever need to get.
-- John Watson, University of Canterbury If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
-- Harry Shearer May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. Guides and Directories
