All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story Love may be a dream but marriage is a nightmare.
-- Joan Collins The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
-- Roger Simon "Death solves all problems--no man, no problem." (Josef Stalin) Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. Regions I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 Oregon Democratic Senate candidate Tom Bruggere, in describing his support for
comprehensive health care during a candidates' forum, said he supported "erection-to-
resurrection" coverage. He later a Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein Regions
"I never learned from a man who agreed with me." (Robert A. Heinlein) Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and
illiterate sport fishermen.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Courage: doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.
-- Eddie Rickenbacker Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
-- Oscar Wilde "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn; my God, do you learn!" (Clive Staples Lewis) Regions Biography lends to death a new terror.
-- Oscar Wilde Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an
automobile.
-- Billy Sunday Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker Regions
The more I know about people, the better I like my dog.
-- Mark Twain For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
-- Virginia Woolf When a girl marries she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.
-- Helen Rowland Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would
be doing if he were alive today?
1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2) Advising the President.
3) D "Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain." (Johann Christian Friedrich von Schiller, 1759-1805, The Maid of Orleans. Act iii. Sc. 6.) Regions "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." (George Bernard Shaw) If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.
-- Marcus Aurelius If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
-- Anonymous Regions
Truth must necessarily be stranger than fiction, for fiction is the creation of the human mind and
therefore congenial to it.
-- G. K. Chesterton Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
-- Mark Twain Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Gustav Jung If you don't know how to do something, you don't know how to do it with a computer.
-- Anon. Generations to come will find it difficult to believe that a man such as Gandhi ever walked the
face of this earth.
-- Albert Einstein Regions Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw. Now is the time for all good men to come to.
-- Walt Kelly Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner Regions
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." (Blaise Pascal) I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible
by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
- Umberto Eco When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find
that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our
pain then the world 's mine oyster
-- William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested
he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie Regions Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
- Jimmy Durante Never moon a werewolf.
-- Mike Binder Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant-turned-famous-movie-producer, when told his son was getting
married Regions
"A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car." (Kenneth Tynan) He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- Sir Winston Churchill Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
-- Woody Allen Nothing says loving like marrying your cousin! -- Al Bundy >From the Far East I send you one single thought, one sole idea--written in red on every
beachhead form Australia to Tokyo--There is no substitute for victory!
-- General Douglas MacArthur Regions To love another person is to see the face of God.
-- Lyric from Les Miserables >From error to error one discovers the entire truth.
-- Sigmund Freud If men knew all that women think, they'd be twenty times more daring.
-- Alphonse Karr Regions
Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.
-- Jerry Garcia Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
- Richard Bach You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.
-- Richard Bach The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
- Henry Louis Mencken Regions When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of
the world.
- George Washington Carver A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne "The masses are far more likely to believe a big lie than several small ones." (Adolf Hitler) Regions
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward Cricket is best described as organised loafing.
-- Anonymous British Radio Broadcaster, 1996 Asking politicians to vote themselves out of power is like asking rabbits not to multiply, it ain't
natural.
-- Bob Beckel, on term limits, CBS This Morning, 3/30/95 "If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive." (Samuel Goldwyn) Saying that Windows95 is equal to Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and
believing you've witnessed the second coming.
-- Guy Kawasaki Regions Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
-- Lily Tomlin The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.
-- Mother Teresa To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and to
finish without knowing what you have written.
-- Jean Jacques Rousseau Regions
"Be the change that you want to see in the world." (Mohandas Gandhi) blah "Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then be trusted with the government of others? Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him? I don't want everyone to like me; I should think less of myself if some people did.
-- Henry James If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
- J. Paul Getty I was going to change my shirt, but I changed my mind instead.
-- Winnie the Pooh Regions Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.
-- Gandhi "Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under." (Henry Louis Mencken) Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
- H. G. Wells Regions
Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
-- Al Capp The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
-- Joseph Heller, God Knows Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
- Henry David Thoreau It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
-- Albert Einstein Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
-- Unknown history student Regions "If I work toward an end, meantime I am confined to a process. The rainbow is more beautiful than the pot at the end of it, because the rainbow is now. And the pot never turns out to be quite what I e And I shall love thee still my dear, Until my wife is wise. Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three categories-- those that don't work, those
that break down, and those that get lost.
-- Russell Baker Regions
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas
doctors rob you and kill you too.
-- Anton Chekhov Cliches should be avoided like the plague.
-- Anon. "If you want to make enemies, try to change something." (Woodrow Wilson, 28th US president, 1856-1924) "God is Man's stupidest idea." (Marcel Duchamp, French Dadaist) Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Regions You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family. It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
- George Bernard Shaw "In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." (Eric Hoffer) Regions
