I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
-- Albert Einstein Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain
as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't
remember what Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
- Richard Bach Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
- H. M. Warner, founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927 No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.
-- Booker T. Washington Bergen UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. The child is the father of the man.
-- William Wordsworth Bergen
"Hold the fort! I am coming!" (General William Tecumseh Sherman) "The act of policing is, in order to punish less often, to punish more severely." (Napoleon Bonaparte) "Think off-center." (George Carlin) The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth
shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.
-- Archie Bunker, character on "All in the Family, Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because
we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, Bergen "Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world." (Oscar Wilde) "The reward of a thing well done is having done it." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
- Richard Bach Bergen
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
-- Henry Ford Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things!
-- Tom Lehrer Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson >From the Far East I send you one single thought, one sole idea--written in red on every
beachhead form Australia to Tokyo--There is no substitute for victory!
-- General Douglas MacArthur In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
-- André Maurois Bergen What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
-- Adolf Hitler Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to.
-- Mark Twain Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.
-- Thomas Dewar Bergen
A multiple personality is in a certain sense normal.
-- George H. Mead The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
-- Honore de Balzac Marriage is like a cage--one sees the birds outside desperate to get in and those inside equally
desparate to get out.
-- Di Peatlins It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain Ninety percent of the game is half mental.
-- Yogi Berra Bergen I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat
people.
-- Ed Bluestone When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is
when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
-- Marcel Achard "In literary criticism the critic has no choice but to make over the victim of his attention into something the size and shape of himself." (John Steinbeck, Travels With Charley) Bergen
"The formula for my happiness: a Yes, a No, a straight line, a goal." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but
all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
- Bill Hirst Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
-- Mae West There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the
imagination.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson "One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people's lives without having to pay the price. I've never been one of those actors who has touted myself as a fascinating human being. I Bergen The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and
remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't
work and the Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Indian proverb If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.
-- Lynda Barry Bergen
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you
underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening, Love is Hell Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have
had any experience with them.
-- H. L. Mencken Question: Ted Kennedy: "Where was George?"
Answer: Dry, sober, and at home with his wife I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in California, but it's one
more letter she'd have to remember.
-- Shecky Greene I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
- Cicero Bergen I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the
calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
-- Mark Twain Before I married, I had three theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three
children and no theories.
-- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester The great advantage of being in a rut is that when one is in a rut, one knows exactly where one
is.
-- Arnold Bennett Bergen
blah "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." (Thomas Jefferson) To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother--I want to marry one who makes dough like her father. They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them.
-- Anonymous I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
-- Mark Twain You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.
-- Richard Bach Bergen "A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car." (Kenneth Tynan) Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
- Rudyard Kipling "No one ever owns his youth or the women he loves." (Pedro Almodóvar, Live Flesh) Bergen
"I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record." (Dylan Thomas, final words) He who laughs, lasts.
-- Mary Pettibone Poole History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
-- Winston Churchill Truth can be a dangerous thing. It is quite patient and relentless.
-- R. Scott Richards If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the
bureaucracy won't.
-- Hyman Rickover Bergen There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of
bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
- W.B. Prescott The great man fights the elements in his time that hinder his own greatness, in other words his own freedom and sincerity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Bergen
"So little done, so much to do." (Cecil Rhodes) If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
-- Isaac Newton "College professors are the people who can't hack it in the real world." (William Thomas) Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
-- Albert Einstein Bergen I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
- Thomas Jefferson I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul.
-- Jean Cocteau If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
- Mario Andretti Bergen
A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.
-- George Santayana When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Cat's Cradle Ninety percent of everything is crap.
-- Theodore Sturgeon "I would rather die standing than live on my knees!" (Emiliano Zapata) Bergen The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
-- Robert Benchley I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic
wastes to Third Wo "Nothing touches a work of art so little as words of criticism: they always result in more or less fortunate misunderstandings." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet) Bergen
Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.
-- John Heisman Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
-- John Tudor If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
-- Anonymous "The happy people are failures because they are on such good terms with themselves they don't give a damn." (Agatha Christie) Tear open packet, unfold and use.
-- Directions on moist towelette package Bergen When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall
looking frantic.
-- Steven Wright Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson Bergen
