"We're an embarrasment to college graduates across America." (James Douglas Morrison, lead singer of The Doors) Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as
children.
-- Libby Gelman-Waxner Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim
poses.
-- John Weitz, American Designer The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going
to make fun of you.
-- Woody Allen What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat
guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen Titles Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
-- Benjamin Franklin "Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." (Erica Jong) Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
-- George Saunders - last words Titles
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and
begin slitting throats.
- Henry Louis Mencken It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.
-- Alvin Toffler In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.
-- American Proverb Titles Happy are those who dream dreams and are willing to pay the price to make them come true.
-- Anon. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. "The dancer's body is simply the luminous manifestation of the soul." (Isadora Duncan) Titles
The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the
betterment of life.
-- Henry Ford Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
-- Samuel Butler I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
-- Oscar Levant When looking back, usually I'm more sorry for the things I didn't do than for the things I shouldn't
have done.
-- Malcolm Forbes Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board Titles "Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing." (Oscar Wilde) Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license. "Have love for your friend up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your friend some day." (Ali bin Titles
A problem is a chance for you to do your best.
-- Buke Ellington Keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
-- Roger Babson "Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain." (Johann Christian Friedrich von Schiller, 1759-1805, The Maid of Orleans. Act iii. Sc. 6.) Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.
-- Oliver Herford Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Gustav Jung Titles There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as
though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
-- Oliver Herford We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
- Niels Bohr Titles
Be willing to make decisions. That's the most important quality in a good leader. Don't fall victim
to what I call the 'ready-aim-aim-aim-aim syndrome.' You must be willing to fire.
-- Gen. George Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
-- H. L. Mencken "Great work is done by people who are not afraid to be great." (Fernando Flores) The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
-- Margo Kaufman When nations grow old, the arts grow cold and commerce settles on every tree.
-- William Blake Titles Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her
have her own way.
-- Anonymous I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke.
-- Terry Cohen Titles
The first duty of a lecturer: to hand you after an hour's discourse a nugget of pure truth to wrap up
between the pages of your notebooks, and keep on the mantlepiece forever.
-- Virginia Woolf It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is
the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be
cr "Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country." (Marquis de Lafayette) Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde Silence is argument carried out by other means.
-- Ernesto "Che" Guevara Titles "Every now and then say, 'What the fu(c)k.' 'What the fu(c)k' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future." (Curtis Armstrong, Risky Business, 1983) "Some look at things that are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were and ask why not?" (George Bernard Shaw) Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy, character on "The Muppet Show," U.S. television show Titles
"... adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, quoted in his obituary, Time) "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." (Oscar Wilde, his last recorded words) I hate women because they always know where things are.
-- James Thurber When you don't know that you don't know, it's a lot different than when you do know that you
don't know. He knows now that he doesn't know. Last year, he didn't know that.
-- Bill Parcels, New Engla "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread." (Alexander Pope) Titles "Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something." (Plato, 427 BC-348) Since Eve ate the apple, much depends on dinner.
-- Lord Byron Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno. Titles
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
-- Harry Shearer Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get
money from it.
-- Stephen Leacock The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
-- George Bernard Shaw Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions.
-- John Randolph The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
-- Publilius Syrus Titles Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes.
-- Brendan Hills "There are no uninteresting things, only uninteresting people." (Gilbert Keith Chesterton) Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license. Titles
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
-- Edgar Allan Poe After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.
-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than
the wisest man can answer.
-- Charles Caleb Colton The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent
crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry
inspe "Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?" (Josef Stalin) Titles If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein We can do not great things - only small things with great love.
-- Mother Theresa The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- S. T. Coleridge Titles
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. "Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent." (Napoleon Bonaparte) "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) "What dies if freedom lives? What lives if freedom dies?" (Lindsay Anderson, British filmmaker, from if.... (1968) It makes no difference who you vote for - the two parties are really one party representing four
percent of the people.
-- Gore Vidal Titles "A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car." (Kenneth Tynan) "I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." (Joan Rivers) Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as
saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.
-- Deborah Tan Titles
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
-- Baskins Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
-- Mark Twain Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with
the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.
-- Cynthia Heimel Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.
-- George Orwell "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) Titles Hardly a year passes that fails to find a new, oft-times exotic, research method or technique
added to the armamentarium of political inquiry. Anyone who cannot negotiate Chi squares,
assess randomi You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was
60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
-- Ellen DeGeneres Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not
impress the neighbors as being very much.
-- Zora Neale Hurston Titles
