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I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. -- Noel Coward "People demand freedom only when they have no power." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing. -- Kingsley Amis The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. -- George Bernard Shaw Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors. -- Confucius Consultants For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack. -- Laundry instructions on a shirt The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. -- Winston Churchill The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half. Fyodor Dostoevsky (1821 - 1881) Consultants "When I was four years old they tried to test my IQ, they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear. They asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different was wro "The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisi Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation. -- Francis Bacon My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way. If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes. -- Bob Edwards Consultants The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask th Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming. -- John R. Wooden, Practical Modern Basketball Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. -- Karl Wallenda Consultants An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. -- Alfred A. Knopf I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. -- Rodney Dangerfield It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. -- Pierre Augustin de Beaumarchais "A man is only as faithful as his opportunity." (Chris Rock) Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. -- William Faulkner Consultants Journalism is merely history's first draft. -- Geoffrey C. Ward If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. -- Katharine Hepburn The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep. - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live Consultants Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe- inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect i Man and wife make one fool. One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. -- Virginia Woolf Truth can be a dangerous thing. It is quite patient and relentless. -- R. Scott Richards One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.... -- Robert Boynton Consultants Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically! -- Steven Wright "As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it." (Dick Cavett) Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. -- P. J. O'Rourke Consultants "This is slavery, not to speak one's thought." (Euripides) Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive. -- Anaïs Nin A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. -- Edgar Watson Howe "Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences." (Isadora Duncan) The better part of valor is discretion. -- William Shakespeare 1564-1616 from King Henry the Fourth, Part I Consultants It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. -- Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince A friend is a gift you give yourself. -- Robert Louis Stevenson blah blah blah blah blah "This is the way the world ends: not with a bang, but a whimper." (Thomas Stearns Eliot, aka T. S. Eliot) _end] [text_start] "Hello Kitty is an icon that doesn't stand for a Consultants I was nauseous and tingly all over... I was either in love or I had smallpox. -- Woody Allen There is no course of life so weak and sottish as that which is managed by order, method, and discipline. -- Michel de Montaigne Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions. "Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper." (Larry Flynt) Consultants Lawyers are... operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass. -- Jane Bryant Quinn Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations "A man is only as faithful as his opportunity." (Chris Rock) Consultants "Great indebtedness does not make men grateful, but vengeful; and if a little charity is not forgotten, it turns into a gnawing worm." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra) Women's liberationists spread the word that...the only peaceful family is one in which either the wife is enslaved or the husband is androgynous. -- R. Emmett Tyell, The Liberal Crack-Up, 1984 When a thing has been said and said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it. -- Anatole France Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. -- Ken Dodd Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist. -- G. K. Chesterton Consultants If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. -- Thomas Szasz My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. -- Christopher Morley It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching. -- St. Francis of Assisi Consultants Children are the only form of immortality that we can be sure of. -- Peter Ustinov "I put on an act sometimes, and people think I'm insensitive. Really, it's like a kind of armor because I'm too sensitive. If there are two hundred people in a room and one of them doesn't like me, I' It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves great results. The wish to preserve the past rather that the hope of creating the future dominates the If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won't. -- Hyman Rickover If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? -- Lily Tomlin Consultants A small family is soon provided for. -- English Proverb I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. -- Albert Einstein "Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Consultants It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up. -- Vince Lombardi Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do. -- Thomas Jefferson We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. -- Winston Churchill Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw Consultants "Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." (H. H. Williams) Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them. -- Richard Strauss, on conducting If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not a poet enough to call forth its riches; for to the creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent p Consultants The closer I'm bound in love to you, the closer I am to free. -- Indigo Girls, song lyric The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century. -- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic If God created us in His image we have certainly returned the compliment. -- Voltaire We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Mother Teresa "I don't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." (John Cage) Consultants He who has lost honor can lose nothing more. -- Publilius Syrus To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself. -- Francis Crawford "Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard)." (Edgar R. Fiedler) Consultants The best theology would need no advocates; it would prove itself. -- Karl Barth Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. - H. G. Wells A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -- Michel de Montaigne Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame. -- G. K. Chesterton Saying that Windows95 is equal to Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and believing you've witnessed the second coming. -- Guy Kawasaki Consultants Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them. -- Anonymous Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite. - Sir Winston Churchill Consultants
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