Our elections are free - it's in the results where eventually we pay.
-- Bill Stern I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in California, but it's one
more letter she'd have to remember.
-- Shecky Greene Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time and annoys the pig.
-- Anon. "Brevity is the soul of wit." (William Shakespeare) Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping. Commercial To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
-- Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
-- George Bernard Shaw If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
-- Isaac Newton Commercial
"Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you, they belong not to you. You may gi Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
-- George Bernard Shaw How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create
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- Anais Nin Spinster: A bachelor's wife. Love matches, so called, have illusion for their father and need for their mother.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche Commercial The church is the great lost and found department.
-- Robert Short The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains.The superior teacher demonstrates. The
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-- William Arthur Ward Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in
a car he sticks his head out the window.
-- Steve Bluestone Commercial
Consequences, schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich!
-- Chuck Jones-directed cartoon The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the
false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.
-- Salvador Dali The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.
-- Albert Einstein "The happy people are failures because they are on such good terms with themselves they don't give a damn." (Agatha Christie) There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as
though everything is a miracle.
-- Albert Einstein Commercial Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the
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-- Jonathan S. Haas Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.
-- George Orwell Commercial
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson By working faithfully eight hours a day, you might eventually get to be a boss and work twelve
hours a day.
-- ROBERT FROST I want to die in my sleep like my friend.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his
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-- Seen on a bumper sticker Before I married, I had three theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three
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-- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only
make $500,000.
-- Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990 Commercial I think one of the reasons I'm popular again is because I'm wearing a tie. You have to be different.
-- Tony Bennett, 1995 "Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.
-- Buddha Commercial
What does not kill me makes me stronger.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him.
-- Shelley Winters "I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs
long enough."
-- Arizona senatorial candidate Claire Sargent, on women candidates I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
-- Walt Disney Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Commercial Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the
mother.
-- Claudette Colbert "To live is to dream and to die is to awaken." (Anonymous) We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as
possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had Commercial
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
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-- Jay Leno "Character is determined more by the lack of certain experiences than by those one has had." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including:
* Both of your socks should always be the same color
* Or they should at least both be fairly dark
-- Dave Barry Count your age with friends but not with years.
-- Anonymous Commercial It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
-- Pierre Augustin de Beaumarchais Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
- James Stephens If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
-- Chekhov Commercial
Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware;
those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.
-- Unknown author, Levitating T "Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal." (Leo Tolstoy, 1828-1910) It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
- George Bernard Shaw Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
-- Igor Stravinsky Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing.
-- Salvador Dali Commercial Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor No wonder nobody comes here--it's too crowded.
-- Yogi Berra Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
-- Anonymous Commercial
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
-- Honore de Balzac No one finds life worth living; he must make it worth living.
-- Anon. Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
-- Buddha your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears. "When I was four years old they tried to test my IQ, they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear. They asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different was wro Commercial Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.
-- Judith Viorst For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good
results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
-- Laundry instructions on a shirt After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
-- Aldous Huxley Commercial
"The man who never made a mistake never made anything." (Derek Longdon, Tongariro Power Development, Turangi, New Zealand) I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. "Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it." (John Quincy Adams) "It is the nature of a man as he grows older, a small bridge in time, to protest against change, particularly change for the better." (John Steinbeck, Travels With Charley) Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of
fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality
and Commercial A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally
stopping before it gets there.
-- Agnes Repplier Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat
people.
-- Ed Bluestone Commercial
He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're
the boss."
-- Anonymous The artist alone sees spirits. But after he has told of their appearing to him, everybody sees them.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Thank God - every morning when you get up - that you have something to do which must be
done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you
a hundre >From the Far East I send you one single thought, one sole idea--written in red on every
beachhead form Australia to Tokyo--There is no substitute for victory!
-- General Douglas MacArthur There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor Commercial Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger,
as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is
when you r I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department
store and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple Black The only thing you take with you when you're gone is what you leave behind.
-- John Allston Commercial
Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.
-- G. K. Chesterton "Even death is unreliable. Instead of zero it may be some ghastly hallucination, such as the square root of minus one." (Samuel Beckett) Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
-- James Matthew Barrie First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
- Mahatma Gandhi "Life is a great surprise. I don't see why death should not be an even greater one." (Vladimir Nabokov) Commercial "If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library." (Frank Zappa) Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains or slavery? Forbid it,
Almighty God! I know not what course others may take but as for me; give me liberty or give me
de What sets worlds in motion is the interplay of differences, their attractions and repulsions; life is
plurality, death is uniformity.
-- Octavio Paz Commercial
