Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three categories-- those that don't work, those
that break down, and those that get lost.
-- Russell Baker "Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger." (Franklin P. Jones) "... adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, quoted in his obituary, Time) Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.
-- John Heisman Rentals In the end, everything is a gag.
-- Charlie Chaplin Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things!
-- Tom Lehrer What we anticipate seldom occurs: but what we least expect generally happens.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Rentals
I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
-- Lewis Grizzard Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
-- P. J. O'Rourke "I put on an act sometimes, and people think I'm insensitive. Really, it's like a kind of armor because I'm too sensitive. If there are two hundred people in a room and one of them doesn't like me, I' "Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." (H. H. Williams) If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
-- George Bernard Shaw Rentals A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
- Paul Erdos A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What
do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came
back with ano Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.
-- Thomas Fuller, 1732 Rentals
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the
wrong remedies.
-- Groucho Marx I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- Tynan All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. The mistakes are all waiting to be made.
- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game's opening position While we are postponing, life speeds by.
- Seneca (3BC - 65AD) Rentals "A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." (Henry B. Adams) Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
-- Karl Marx, dying words to his housekeeper Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker Rentals
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-
proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe
is Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is
merely a good excuse not to play football.
-- Fran Lebowitz "No one lies so boldly as the man who is indignant." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same
joke and still feel lonely.
-- T. S. Eliot "To avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." (Elbert Hubbard, American author, 1856-1915) Rentals There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
- Frank Zappa A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
- Isaac Asimov Rentals
LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the
influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the
physician Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
-- Cecilia Egan There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and
why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inex See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
-- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo "Think off-center." (George Carlin) Rentals blah "This is the hardest of all: to close the open hand out of love, and keep modest as a giver." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) In endowing us with memory, nature has revealed to us a truth utterly unimaginable to the
unreflective creation, the truth of immortality....The most ideal human passion is love, which is
also the m >From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some
day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx Rentals
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Sir, I would rather be right than be President.
-- Henry Clay, Speech, 1850, referring to the Compromise Measure It is because modern education is so seldom inspired by a great hope that it so seldom achieves
great results. The wish to preserve the past rather that the hope of creating the future dominates
the Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
-- Bob Perelman A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
-- Robert Frost Rentals An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for
love is measured by fullness, not by reception.
-- Harold Loukes Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.
-- Virginia Woolf In the early sixties, we were strong, we were virulent...
-- John Connally, Secretary of Treasury under Richard Nixon, in an early 70s speech, as reported
in a contemporary "American Scholar" Rentals
blah bl "The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
-- Robert A. Humphrey "To err is human; to forgive, divine." (Alexander Pope) Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not
mean his maker, but himself.
-- Dean Inge You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.
-- Albert Camus Rentals It is always right that a man should be able to render a reason for the faith that is within him.
-- Sydney Smith The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going
to make fun of you.
-- Woody Allen If all these sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised.
-- Dorothy Parker Rentals
Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.
-- Phillip Brooks The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines
staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you
ask th There is no future in any job. The future lies in the man who holds the job.
-- George Crane "No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave." (Calvin Coolidge) "Have love for your friend up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your friend some day." (Ali bin Rentals "Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer." (Jack Handey) Friends applaud, the Comedy is over.
-- Ludwig von Beethoven, dying words Victory belongs to the most persevering.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte Rentals
Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the
touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
-- Jonathan S. Haas Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read.
-- Button from the Computer Museum, Boston, MA Unfortunately, the media have trouble distinguishing between real science and propaganda
cross-dressed as science.
-- Linda Bowles, political columnist "To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend." (Jacques Derrida, French 'deconstructionist') I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
-- Mae West Rentals The great man fights the elements in his time that hinder his own greatness, in other words his own freedom and sincerity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) What a difference there is between what we say and what we think.
-- Racine I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.
-- Vincent Van Gogh Rentals
"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches." (George Bernard Shaw) Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in
accordance with the dictates of reason.
-- Oscar Wilde We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
-- Aesop Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
- Bertrand Russell A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
-- Michael Winner Rentals Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up
our minds to walk boldly through them.
-- Orison Swett Marden Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
-- David Chambless "If I work toward an end, meantime I am confined to a process. The rainbow is more beautiful than the pot at the end of it, because the rainbow is now. And the pot never turns out to be quite what I e Rentals
"The reason why kids are crazy is because nobody can face the responsibility of bringing them up." (John Lennon) It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a
few grains of corn now and then."
-- Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Sir, I would rather be right than be President.
-- Henry Clay, Speech, 1850, referring to the Compromise Measure Women see better than men. Men see lazily, if they do not expect to act. Women see quite
without any wish to act.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Rentals "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
-- Max Frisch It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
-- Andre Gide Rentals
