Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them
tender.
-- Mary Buckley Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
-- Rita Rudner "In every gathering of thirteen, expect one guest will turn out to be a Judas." (Aleister Crowley) I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson Author: A fool, who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on
tormenting the generations to come.
-- Montesquieu Puck County "All grown-ups were once children, though few of them remember it." (Antoine de Saint Exupéry) If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
-- Thomas Szasz This isn't right, this isn't even wrong.
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper Puck County
The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
-- Quentin Crisp Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.
-- G. K. Chesterton The gods too are fond of a joke.
-- Aristotle With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow.
-- Wedding Vow, Book of Common Prayer Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the
truth.
- Sherlock Holmes Puck County No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. -- Honore de Balzac The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
-- Mark Russell Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
-- Marx Groucho, the film "Animal Crackers" Puck County
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
-- Billy Sunday I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.
-- Virginia Woolf Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson.
-- Vernon Law I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll Puck County I am about to--or I am going to--die; either expression is used.
-- Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, dying words "Defeat the fear of death and welcome the death of fear." (G. Gordon Liddy) I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in California, but it's one
more letter she'd have to remember.
-- Shecky Greene Puck County
The first duty of a lecturer: to hand you after an hour's discourse a nugget of pure truth to wrap up
between the pages of your notebooks, and keep on the mantlepiece forever.
-- Virginia Woolf Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
- Bertrand Russell "The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning, but without understanding." (Louis Brandeis) Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking, but you are getting sweeter.
-- N. D. Stice Drink to me.
-- Pablo Picasso, dying words Puck County The great man fights the elements in his time that hinder his own greatness, in other words his own freedom and sincerity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." (Nikos Kazantzakis) Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.
-- Thomas Szasz Puck County
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
-- ee cummings "Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences." (Isadora Duncan) "I have an unfortunate personality." (George Orson Welles) There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power
so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way. Puck County The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not,
the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you 'come to terms
with I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
toxic waste.
-- David Bissonette Experience teaches only the teachable.
-- Aldous Huxley Puck County
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
-- Douglas Adams It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is
the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be
cr If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
- Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing I date this girl for two years--and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name."
-- Mike Binder Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller Puck County Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before
marriage, which is never advisable.
-- Oscar Wilde "Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." (Erica Jong) Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
-- Karl Marx, dying words to his housekeeper Puck County
All you need is love.
-- The Beatles, song title Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
-- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." (Abraham Lincoln, 1809-65) A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is
something everybody believes, except the person who made it.
-- Albert Einstein, attributed Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
- George Burns Puck County Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the
moment.
-- Robert Benchley The work of internal government has become the task of controlling the thousands of fifth-rate
men.
-- Henry B. Adams In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
- W.B. Prescott Puck County
Journalism is merely history's first draft.
-- Geoffrey C. Ward Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them
good.
-- H.L. Mencken "It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." (Eugene Ionesco) More than kisses, letters mingle souls.
-- John Donne If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
-- Albert Einstein Puck County Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage, they are giving evidence at an
inquest.
-- H. L. Mencken In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty.
-- Christopher Morley Vote early and vote often.
- Al Capone Puck County
"Don't let your ego get too close to your position, so that if your position gets shot down, your ego doesn't go with it." (Colin Powell) Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things!
-- Tom Lehrer One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife....
-- Robert Boynton I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
-- Nathan Hale "If you do not know where you are going, any road will take you there." (Sterling Holloway, voice of Chesire Cat, Alice in Wonderland) Puck County Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
-- Lily Tomlin We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first.
-- Anonymous He who awaits much can expect little.
-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez Puck County
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
-- Oscar Wilde "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." (Roald Dahl) There is no one so bound to his own face that he does not cherish the hope of presenting another
to the world.
-- Antonio Machado Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of
hers.
-- Anonymous I hate work. That's why I got married.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Puck County Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.
-- Abraham Lincoln You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
-- Yogi Berra Puck County
"An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics." (Plutarch) "Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard)." (Edgar R. Fiedler) A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you.
-- Adlai Stevenson When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
-- Ernest Hemingway NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows
how to make us disobedient.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Puck County Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained.
-- John Powell A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
-- Anonymous The English country gentleman galloping after a fox--the unspeakable in full pursuit of the
uneatable.
-- Oscar Wilde Puck County
