What's another word for "Thesaurus?"
-- Steven Wright Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for
him.
-- Rich Little I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
-- Jules Renard To be or not to be isn't the question. The question is how to prolong being.
-- Tom Robbins Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Civic and Human Rights Defense I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot.
-- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show Love is what happens to men and women who don't know each other.
-- W. Somerset Maugham The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the
purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
-- Anatole France Civic and Human Rights Defense
I like nonsense -- it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way
of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope...and that enables you to laugh at all Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.
-- Anonymous If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.
-- James McNeill Whistler It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.
-- Mae West Good friends are good for your health.
-- Irwin Sarason Civic and Human Rights Defense Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc
jockey is not allowed to talk.
-- Fran Lebowitz He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
-- J. Heller Happiness is nothing more than health and a poor memory.
-- Albert Schweitzer Civic and Human Rights Defense
Knowledge is the intellectual manipulation of carefully verified observations.
-- Sigmund Freud The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
- Irving Kristol Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the
mother.
-- Claudette Colbert However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my usual manner...sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan Civic and Human Rights Defense Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-- Albert Einstein This world is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.
-- Horace Walpole Civic and Human Rights Defense
The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the
purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
-- Anatole France In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Therefore:
? In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its
duties.
? Work Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does
not change his mind.
-- Leonardo da Vinci, Notebooks Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. Civic and Human Rights Defense Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
- Richard Bach No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent.
-- Abraham Lincoln Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good
questions.
-- Woody Allen Civic and Human Rights Defense
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get
married.
-- Katharine Hepburn The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, "Is there a meaning to music?" My
answer would be, "Yes." And "Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?" My answer
to that would be When you're away, I'm restless, lonely
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.
-- Samuel Hoffenstein We didn't send you to Washington to make intelligent decisions. We sent you to represent us.
-- Kent York, Baptist minister to US Rep. Bill Sarpalius Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
-- Josh Billings Civic and Human Rights Defense She felt in italics and thought in capitals.
-- Henry James Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it.
-- Tom Robbins You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax--tomorrow you'll be afraid to
cough.
-- Pearl Williams Civic and Human Rights Defense
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, U.S. President An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested
he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
-- Charlie Chaplin Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh Civic and Human Rights Defense You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be
sacrificed to expediency.
-- W. Somerset Maugham The executive exists to make sensible exceptions to general rules.
-- Elting E. Morison For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
-- Clifton Fadiman Civic and Human Rights Defense
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not
"Eureka!", but "That's funny..."
-- Isaac Asimov "It is a curious thing that God learned Greek when he wished to turn author--and that he did not learn it better." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do." (Anonymous) A woman's always younger than a man of equal years.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh Civic and Human Rights Defense "The bite of conscience, like the bite of a dog into a stone, is a stupidity." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
-- ee cummings Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc
jockey is not allowed to talk.
-- Fran Lebowitz Civic and Human Rights Defense
The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
-- Blaise Pascal, Pens&eactue;es, trans. A.J. Krailsheimer "Every now and then say, 'What the fu(c)k.' 'What the fu(c)k' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future." (Curtis Armstrong, Risky Business, 1983) Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
- Henry David Thoreau Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Civic and Human Rights Defense A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne Men are strong only so long as they represent a strong idea. They become powerless when they
oppose it.
-- Sigmund Freud Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to
criticize others.
-- H. Jackson Brown Civic and Human Rights Defense
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
-- Thomas Jones "Give me liberty or give me death." (Patrick Henry) Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-- Albert Einstein I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
-- Anonymous Before I married, I had three theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three
children and no theories.
-- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester Civic and Human Rights Defense Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just
flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around "Mothers spend a lifetime excising from their sons the influence of their fathers." (Arthur Lotti) "How can we know the dancer from the dance?" (William Butler Yeats) Civic and Human Rights Defense
The mathematician lives long and lives young; the wings of his soul do not early drop off, nor do
its pores become clogged with the earthy particles blown from the dusty highways of vulgar life.
-- The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
-- George Bernard Shaw Teach a parrot the terms "supply and demand" and you've got an economist.
-- Thomas Carlyle If we don't change the direction we are going,
We are likely to end up where we are heading.
-- Chinese saying When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-- Sacha Guitry Civic and Human Rights Defense Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.
-- Alvin Toffler Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen.
-- Albert Einstein I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.
-- John Cage Civic and Human Rights Defense
If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not a poet
enough to call forth its riches; for to the creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent p The voice of the intellect is a soft one, but it does not rest till it has gained a hearing.
-- Sigmund Freud And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts,
in living color, you're about to see another first -- an attempted suicide.
-- Chris Hubbock, who sh "When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
-- Abraham Lincoln Civic and Human Rights Defense A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's
family does too.
-- Anonymous Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.
-- Pauline Thomason Civic and Human Rights Defense
