If you don't know how to do something, you don't know how to do it with a computer.
-- Anon. "No one wants a good education. Everyone wants a good degree." (Lee Rudolph) "God is Man's stupidest idea." (Marcel Duchamp, French Dadaist) I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
-- Lewis Grizzard Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first. Arts and Entertainment If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.
-- James McNeill Whistler I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all
over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University I drink no more than a sponge.
-- Francis Rabelais, Works. Book i. Chap. v. Arts and Entertainment
Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire.
-- Jean de La Fontaine Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
-- Buddha "REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion." (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary) Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and
ethical infants.
-- General Omar Bradley Arts and Entertainment "What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage." Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not
mean his maker, but himself.
-- Dean Inge I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
-- Jules Renard Arts and Entertainment
Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.
-- Margaret Mead "Death is always and under all circumstances a tragedy, for if it is not, then it means that life itself has become one." (Theodore Roosevelt) "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." (Eddie Rickenbacker) The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the
first half.
Fyodor Dostoevsky (1821 - 1881) A wasted youth is better by far than a wise and productive old age.
-- Meat Loaf, from the song "Wasted Youth" on the album Bat Out of Hell II Arts and Entertainment Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center of the universe. The
premise is wrong, but the navigation works. An incorrect model can be a useful tool.
-- Kelvin Throop I To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself.
-- Francis Crawford Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of
existence.
-- Sydney Smith Arts and Entertainment
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.
-- John Cage You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or
play.
-- WARREN BEATTY The only weapon that becomes sharper with constant use is the tongue.
-- Anonymous I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy.
-- J. Curtis McKay, Wisconsin State Elections Board Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -- PJ O'Rourke Arts and Entertainment I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain
terrible.
-- Jean Kerr "Truth lies not only in a dream, but in many dreams." (Pier Paolo Pasolini, Italian poet, novelist and filmmaker) Arts and Entertainment
I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. "What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to a human soul." (Joseph Addison) Experience teaches only the teachable.
-- Aldous Huxley I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
toxic waste.
-- David Bissonette [You reporters] should have printed what he meant, not what he said.
-- Earl Bush, press aide to Richard Daley Arts and Entertainment All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as
though everything is a miracle.
-- Albert Einstein Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
-- Lewis Grizzard Arts and Entertainment
Use your own best judgment at all times.
-- The entire Nordstrom's Department Stores policy manual The possibility that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause
we believe to be just.
-- Abraham Lincoln The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
-- Lou Holtz Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and
illiterate sport fishermen.
-- P. J. O'Rourke "When even one American--who has done nothing wrong--is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth--then all Americans are in peril." (Harry S. Truman) Arts and Entertainment "When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome." (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, 1547-1616) Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.
-- Sioux Indian Prayer Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each
other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's
nerves Arts and Entertainment
The society of women is the element of good manners.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
-- Isaac Newton Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the
mother.
-- Claudette Colbert Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the
source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ign God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if
he finds her.
-- Benjamin Tillett Arts and Entertainment "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." (Edger Allen Poe) The Church is an organism that grows best in an alien society.
-- C. Stacey Woods Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
-- Anonymous Arts and Entertainment
When nations grow old, the arts grow cold and commerce settles on every tree.
-- William Blake Success is just a matter of attitude.
-- Darcy E. Gibbons Now comes the mystery.
-- Henry Ward Beecher, dying words, March 8, 1887 "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick) "Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard)." (Edgar R. Fiedler) Arts and Entertainment Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
-- H. L. Mencken "O' What may man within him hide, though angel on the outward side!" (William Shakespeare) Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
-- Al Gore, U.S. Vice President Arts and Entertainment
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
-- Anonymous "We already have the statistics for the future: the growth percentages of pollution, overpopulation, desertification. The future is already in place." (Günther Grass, Winner of the Nobel Prize for Li In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not
allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating,
stealing, Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
-- Oscar Wilde "Transport of the mails, transport of the human voice, transport of flickering pictures--in this century as in others our highest accomplishments still have the single aim of bringing men together." Arts and Entertainment Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to
us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain
and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.
-- Albert Camus Arts and Entertainment
To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it more fit for its
prime function of looking forward.
-- Margaret Fairless Barber Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
-- Sun Tzu I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and
begin slitting throats.
- Henry Louis Mencken I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all
over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University Arts and Entertainment Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off
his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
-- Finley Peter Dunne, Mr. Dooley O "... adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, quoted in his obituary, Time) I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-- Mae West Arts and Entertainment
Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved.
-- D.H. Lawrence The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
- George Bernard Shaw "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." (G. Randolf) Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.
-- Buddha "We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled but as candles to be lit." (Robert Shaffer) Arts and Entertainment Our own heart, and not other men's opinions form our true honor.
-- Coleridge, Samuel Taylor blah "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." (Steve Roland Prefontaine) Better to die ten thousand deaths than wound my honor.
-- Joseph Addison Arts and Entertainment
