Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping. America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to
degeneration without the usual intervention of civilization.
-- George Clemenceau There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
be a coincidence.
-- Jeremy S. Anderson Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes
some method of fortifying the human soul and enabline it to make its peace with its destiny.
-- George A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
-- H. L. Mencken Weather The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson It is not necessary that whilst I live I live happily; but it is necessary that so long as I live I should
live honourably.
-- Kant, Immanuel Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time and annoys the pig.
-- Anon. Weather
Whenever you eliminate the inedible, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be food.
-- Anonymous Health food makes me sick.
-- Calvin Trillin The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to
heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need
more supervision.
-- Lynn Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
-- Groucho Marx "Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world." (Oscar Wilde) Weather He who has lost honor can lose nothing more.
-- Publilius Syrus The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
-- Winston Churchill I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being
gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.
-- Molly Ivins Weather
Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw. "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." (Groucho Marx) We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share and share the life we choose. Someone to
help us through the neverending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to
comfort us along I didn't accept it. I received it.
-- Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and
two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he hel Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.
-- Chinese Proverb Weather Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
-- James Baldwin The nation's honor is dearer than the nation's comfort; yes, than the nation's life itself.
-- Woodrow Wilson "The concerned investment banker is the one who blows the horn on his Mercedes as he drives through a red light." (Anonymous) Weather
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
- George Bernard Shaw There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.
-- Peter De Vries The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
-- Mark Russell I want to die in my sleep like my friend.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his
car.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker "Hold a true friend with both your hands." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Weather "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." (Ambrose Redmoon) We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.
-- Voltaire blah bl "Less is more." (Robert Browning) Weather
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
-- Dean Acheson And since the stench of death will always attract flies and vermin, the arrival of Geraldo was
perhaps inevitable.
-- Garry Trudeau Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwile careers in the
street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack
of u As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are
certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
-- Josh Billings Weather In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.
-- Lenny Bruce We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry.
-- John Webster Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer Weather
"In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it." (Ani Difranco) "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." (Albert Einstein) Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-- Anonymous All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
-- Abraham Lincoln Weather They will say you are on the wrong road, if it is your own.
-- Antonio Porchi Nothing that was worthy in the past departs; no truth or goodness realized by man ever dies, or
can die.
-- Thomas Carlyle Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to
benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.
-- Ralph Mars Weather
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.
-- John Lyly In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
-- Michael Winner The child is the father of the man.
-- William Wordsworth What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is
the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
-- Crow Weather "I am convinced that it is not the fear of death, of our lives ending that haunts our sleep so much as the fear ... that as far as the world is concerned, we might as well never have lived." (Rabbi H Never look at the trombones. You'll only encourage them.
-- Richard Strauss, on conducting When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow Weather
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.
-- F. M. Knowles Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
-- Vince Lombardi Wherever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.
-- Harry S. Truman "If you assume that there's no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, there are opportunities to change things, there's a chance for you t "In married life three is company and two is none." (Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest) Weather We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
-- Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles, 1962 In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.
-- Helen Rowland We have drugs to make women speak, but none to keep them silent.
-- Anatole France Weather
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." (William Blake) Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you
get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for
your face.
-- Anita Wise blah "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." (Steve Roland Prefontaine) Weather blah "There is a melancholy that stems from greatness." (Sébastien-Roch Nicolas Chamfort, 1740/41-1794) Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Indian proverb "You know that being an American is more than a matter of where your parents came from. It is a belief that all men are created free and equal and that everyone deserves an even break." (Harry S. Tru Weather
"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." (Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest) "A man who flies from his fear may find he has only taken a shortcut to meet it." (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien) I worship the quicksand he walks in.
- Art Buchwald If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-- Lily Tomlin Wind is to fire like distance is to love; it extinguishes the small and enflames the great.
-- Anonymous Weather "My daughter has never forgiven me. for what, I don't know, because for years, she won't speak to me. She blackens my name in the press and makes me think abortion is an excellent idea." (Klaus Kinsk blah "It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain that there was never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous." (Benjamin Fran blah "You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think." (Milton Berle) Weather
I hate work. That's why I got married.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
-- Albert Einstein Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.
-- Oliver Herford The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
-- Roger Simon "To educate educators! But the first ones must educate themselves! And for these I write." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Weather Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
-- Mark Twain Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. "The last Christian died on the cross." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Weather
