A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.
-- Moliere Guide to understanding a net.addict's day:
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three ho I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me
is another matter.
- Sir Winston Churchill I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
-- Dorothy Parker Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.
-- Edward H. Land Vic Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window.
You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.
-- Jean Ke You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By
giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you
will All human actions are equivalent... and... all are on principle doomed...
-- Jean-Paul Sartre, "Being and Nothingness" Vic
"I know that God won't give me more trouble than I can handle ... but sometimes I wish he wouldn't trust me so much." (Mother Teresa) Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
-- H. L. Mencken Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
- Robert Frost The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical
deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.
-- Albert Einstein The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to
contact us.
-- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes Vic Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them
tender.
-- Mary Buckley I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but
all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
- Bill Hirst The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
- Von Clausewitz Vic
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the
consequences.
-- Isadora Duncan Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just
flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." (Dennis Wholey) The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it
prevents you from achieving.
-- Russell Green "Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." (H. H. Williams) Vic "Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time." (E. B. White) People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only
make $500,000.
-- Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990 In the end, everything is a gag.
-- Charlie Chaplin Vic
To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and to
finish without knowing what you have written.
-- Jean Jacques Rousseau Never practice two vices at once.
-- Tallulah Bankhead "You make 'em, I amuse 'em." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, on children) Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin Vic .. I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over
myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long
per Mathematics transfigures the fortuitous concourse of atoms into the tracery of the finger of God.
-- Herbert Westren Turnbull The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. Vic
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
-- Anonymous The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-- Lily Tomlin Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. "If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." (Mark Twain) Vic The course of true love never did run smooth.
-- William Shakespeare Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them.
-- Ralph N. Gerard "It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poe Vic
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
-- Clarence Darrow "If a man has good corn, or wood, or boards, or pigs to sell, or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles, or church organs, than anybody else, you will find a broad, hard-beaten road to his house, "It seems to me that there are two kinds of trickery: the 'fronts' people assume before one another's eyes, and the 'front' a writer puts on the face of reality." (Francois Sagan) Politics have no relation to morals.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli The last good thing written in C++ was the Pachelbel Canon.
-- Jerry Olson Vic Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
-- Albert Einstein History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte "Growth in wisdom can be measured precisely by decline in bile." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human) Vic
Our own heart, and not other men's opinions form our true honor.
-- Coleridge, Samuel Taylor "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn; my God, do you learn!" (Clive Staples Lewis) Its failings notwithstanding, there is much to be said in favor of journalism in that by giving us the
opinion of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
-- Oscar W May you never leave your marriage alive. When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being
brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
-- Cynthia H Vic I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
-- Rose Kennedy, (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991 The telephone company is urging people to *please* not use the telephone unless it is absolutely
necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this
bre "How can we know the dancer from the dance?" (William Butler Yeats) Vic
Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping. People, like nails, lose their effectiveness when they lose direction and begin to bend.
-- Walter Savage Landor "Humans beings can always be relied upon to assert, with vigor, their god-given right to be stupid." (Dean Koontz, Seize the Night) I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't
certain we knew better.
-- George Bird Evans "Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." (Socrates) Vic The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
-- Lucille S. Harper People, like nails, lose their effectiveness when they lose direction and begin to bend.
-- Walter Savage Landor "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." (Blaise Pascal) Vic
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first. Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and
hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in
Heaven.
-- P. J Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
-- Aldous Huxley All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
- Ambrose Bierce Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde Vic Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to
be grateful.
-- Phyllis McGinley For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
-- John Greenleaf Whittier The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
-- Lou Holtz Vic
The only reward of virtue is virtue.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Women and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it.
-- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, Lazarus Long How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create
it herself.
- Anais Nin I am about to--or I am going to--die; either expression is used.
-- Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, dying words Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein Vic If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
-- Hal Abelson The first clergyman was the first rascal who met the first fool.
-- Voltaire Paradoxically though it may seem, it is none the less true that life imitates art far more than art
imitates life.
-- Oscar Wilde Vic
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
- Ross MacDonald God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at
the same time.
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-
Box.
-- Wil Shriner And life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.
-- Grandma Moses Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting someone else to do the work.
-- John G. Pollard Vic "It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else." (John W You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.
-- Albert Camus Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
- James Stephens Vic
