My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way. In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th "The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning, but without understanding." (Louis Brandeis) "If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." (Anatole France) "It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing." (Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises) O A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963) Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- Pancho Villa, dying words Don't anthropomorphize computers -- they hate it.
-- Anonymous O
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
- Auric Goldfinger, in Goldfinger by Ian L. Fleming "I've decided something: Commercial things really do stink. As soon as it becomes commercial for a mass market it really stinks." (Andy Warhol, The Andy Warhol Diaries, 1989) Truth must necessarily be stranger than fiction, for fiction is the creation of the human mind and
therefore congenial to it.
-- G. K. Chesterton I have noticed that nothing I have never said ever did me any harm.
-- Calvin Coolidge Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
-- Anonymous O The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only
way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste
time "Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen.
-- Albert Einstein O
"When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome." (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, 1547-1616) What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other peoples'
decisions for them?
-- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All "The rules for parents are but three... Love, Limit, and Let them be." (Elaine M. Ward) Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo... Everywhere I go, I'm asked if the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle
enough of them.
-- Flannery O'Connor O In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person
must be fired.
-- Conway's Law A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The
rest is trust.
-- Nanette Newman, British actress then the world 's mine oyster
-- William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor O
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
-- Mark Twain I do not have much patience with a thing of beauty that must be explained to be understood. If it
does need additional interpretation by someone other than the creator, then I question whether it
ha I shall return.
-- General Douglas MacArthur The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
-- George Bernard Shaw Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. O "I praise loudly. I blame softly." (Catherine the Great) And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
-- Abraham Lincoln blah "Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together." (Vincent van Gogh) O
"It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard." (Dorothy Parker, 1893-1967, US writer) To teach is to learn twice.
-- Joseph Joubert Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not
impress the neighbors as being very much.
-- Zora Neale Hurston "The English have all the material requisites for the revolution. What they lack is the spirit of generalization and revolutionary ardour." (Karl Marx) The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
-- George Bernard Shaw O Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.
-- Mao Tse-tung The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
- General George Patton Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
-- Oscar Wilde O
He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that.
-- John Stuart Mill Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
-- Mark Twain Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin!
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
-- Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating
influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the
commun O "Beauty without expression is boring." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) "Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop." (Usman Asif) "If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change." (John A. Simone Sr.) O
Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board Logic is in the eye of the logician.
- Gloria Steinem A hippo does not have a sting in its tail, but a wise man would still rather be sat on by a bee.
-- Polish proverb "Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." (James Douglas Morrison, lead singer of The Doors) We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities,
talents, direction, missions, callings.
-- Abraham Maslow O No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
- William Jennings Bryan Value your words. Each one may be the last.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec My other wife is beautiful. O
Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and
hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in
Heaven.
-- P. J I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
-- Ernest Hemingway "A wise man among the ignorant is as a beautiful girl in the company of blind men." (Saadi) "The concerned investment banker is the one who blows the horn on his Mercedes as he drives through a red light." (Anonymous) O Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because
generally they are the same people.
-- G. K. Chesterton O
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
-- George Bernard Shaw A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Robert Frost (1874-1963) You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain
and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner Live TV died in the late 1950s, electronic bulletin boards came along in the mid-1980s, meaning
there was about a 25-year gap when it was difficult to put your foot in your mouth and have
people all O "Today was good. / Today was fun. / Tomorrow is another one." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
-- Emiliano Zapata Happiness is nothing more than health and a poor memory.
-- Albert Schweitzer O
"If you do not know where you are going, any road will take you there." (Sterling Holloway, voice of Chesire Cat, Alice in Wonderland) Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
-- Oscar Wilde "When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost." (Billy Graham) The mathematician lives long and lives young; the wings of his soul do not early drop off, nor do
its pores become clogged with the earthy particles blown from the dusty highways of vulgar life.
-- My religion consists of a humble admiration of the unlimitable superior who reveals Himself in the
slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds. That deeply emotional
convi O When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-- Hunter S. Thompson blah "Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people." (François VI Duke (duc) de La Rochefoucauld, 1616-80) When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
-- Helen Rowland O
Before I married, I had three theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three
children and no theories.
-- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.
-- Virginia Woolf blah "You shall find out how salt is the taste of another man's bread, and how hard is the way up and down another man's stairs." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
- George Bernard Shaw Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
-- Anon. O Where there is an unknowable there is a promise.
-- Thornton Wilder A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
- Paul Erdos The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline
luggage.
-- Mark Russell O
