In the end, everything is a gag.
- Charlie Chaplin Age does not make us childish, as some say; it finds us true children.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
-- Jackie Gleason What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
-- Woody Allen There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power
so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics 2 Thank God - every morning when you get up - that you have something to do which must be
done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you
a hundre "Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper." (Larry Flynt) A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963) 2
"People demand freedom only when they have no power." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass
produced with unskilled labor.
-- Wernher von Braun "It is neccessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live." (Alexander Dumas) Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.
-- Thornton Wilder A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference
between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered: I
don't know and 2 The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because
generally they are the same people.
-- G. K. Chesterton There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a
natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than
yourself.
-- William Faulkner 2
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the
mother.
-- Claudette Colbert Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Every man knows his follies and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
-- Josh Billings Men have become the tools of their tools.
-- Henry David Thoreau I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
-- Katherine Cebrian 2 If you cannot be the master of your language, you must be its slave. If you cannot examine your
thoughts, you have no choice but to think them, however silly they may be.
-- Richard Mitchell, from I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
-- Katherine Cebrian Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the
source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ign 2
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
-- Chekhov All over Washington today, the politicians and the power brokers are happy. In fact, if you listen
closely, you can hear the sound of champagne corks popping.
-- Paul Jacob, Term Limits Executive Di "If you do not know where you are going, any road will take you there." (Sterling Holloway, voice of Chesire Cat, Alice in Wonderland) Your every voter, as surely as your chief magistrate, exercises a public trust.
-- Grover Cleveland "Death is always and under all circumstances a tragedy, for if it is not, then it means that life itself has become one." (Theodore Roosevelt) 2 I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
-- W. C. Fields "What is most appealing about young folks, after all, is the changes, not the still photograph of finished character but the movie, the soul in flux." (Thomas Pynchon) What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson 2
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is
not a conservative, has no brains.
- Sir Winston Churchill A White House well filled, a little peanut field well tilled, and a wife who will go to the Bronx are
great riches.
-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac "The brighter you are, the more you have to learn." (Don Herold) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
-- Albert Einstein Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.
-- Aldous Huxley 2 Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same
direction.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry To correct a natural indifference I was placed half-way between misery and the sun. Misery kept
me from believing that all was well under the sun, and the sun taught me that history wasn't
everythin Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
-- P. J. O'Rourke 2
They will say you are on the wrong road, if it is your own.
-- Antonio Porchi "I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." (Thomas Jefferson, to Archibald Stuart, 1791) Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and
illiterate sport fishermen.
-- P. J. O'Rourke If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by
definition, is unassailable.
-- James Baldwin, Nobody Knows My Name, 1961 2 Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
-- Al Capp Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to
be perfectly deaf.
-- Oscar Wilde Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton 2
To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother--I want to marry one who makes dough like her father. I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
-- Henny Youngman However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my usual manner...sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large
organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
-- Dave Barry A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
-- Helen Rowland 2 If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get
married.
-- Katharine Hepburn "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong." (Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire, 1694-1778) Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
-- Victor Borge 2
"The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding." (Albert Camus) "It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what other men say in whole books--what other men do not say in whole books." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols) blah bl "The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning, but without understanding." (Louis Brandeis) Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes.
-- Brendan Hills Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three categories-- those that don't work, those
that break down, and those that get lost.
-- Russell Baker 2 "The great aim of education is not knowledge but action." (Herbert Spencer) One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is
terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell "... and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin) 2
"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear." (George Orwell) "Courageous, untroubled, mocking and violent--that is what Wisdom wants us to be. Wisdom is a woman, and loves only a warrior." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) blah "Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people." (François VI Duke (duc) de La Rochefoucauld, 1616-80) "We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution." (Abraham Lincoln, 1809-65) Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
-- Robert Frost 2 We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were
reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing,
and Go away...I'm alright.
-- H. G. Wells, dying words The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
-- Winston Churchill 2
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or
play.
-- WARREN BEATTY I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin Author: A fool, who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on
tormenting the generations to come.
-- Montesquieu If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed
-- Kate Halverson 2 "People demand freedom only when they have no power." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader.
Harry S. Truman "Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours." (Dale 2
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
-- George Bernard Shaw "...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes) What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
-- Abraham Lincoln He who receives an idea from me receives instruction for himself without lessening mine; as he
who lights his taper at mine receives light without darkening me.
-- Thomas Jefferson "Great spirits have always faced voilent protest from mediocre minds." (Albert Einstein) 2 "One can do without people but one has need of a friend." (Chinese Proverb) "People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say." (Kurt Vonnegut) The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
-- Margo Kaufman 2
