America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a
chair.
-- Arnold Toynbee "Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." (George Bernard Shaw) No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
-- Honore de Balzac What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
-- Dave Barry The planting of trees is the least self-centered of all that we can do. It is a purer act of faith than
the procreation of children.
-- Thornton Wilder H It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up.
-- Vince Lombardi "The concerned investment banker is the one who blows the horn on his Mercedes as he drives through a red light." (Anonymous) Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
- Saint Augustine H
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.
-- John Cage The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-- Jilly Cooper Love is what happens to men and women who don't know each other.
-- W. Somerset Maugham As always, victory finds a hundred fathers but defeat is an orphan.
-- Count Galeazzo Ciano, The Ciano Diaries I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
-- Will Rogers H "Beauty without expression is boring." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
-- H. L. Mencken The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
-- P. J. O'Rourke H
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
-- George Bernard Shaw "Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one person can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, misery, ignorance, and violence. Few will have the greatness to bend history The better part of valor is discretion.
-- William Shakespeare 1564-1616 from King Henry the Fourth, Part I "Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts." (Henry B. Adams) It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain H It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions.
-- Aldous Huxley Considering the flames and intolerance, shouldn't USENET be spelled ABUSENET?
-- Michael Meissner Although the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea.
-- Led Zeppelin, Ten Years Gone H
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost." (Charles Caleb Colton) Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, U.S. President Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.
-- Alvin Toffler H Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin!
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show "Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain." (Johann Christian Friedrich von Schiller, 1759-1805, The Maid of Orleans. Act iii. Sc. 6.) Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as
saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.
-- Deborah Tan H
"I'm the artist formally known as Beck. I have a genius wig. When I put that wig on, then the true genius emerges. I don't have enough hair to be a genius. I think you have to have hair going everywhe "Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore, so do our minutes, hasten to their end." (William Shakespeare) Grow old with me! The best is yet to be!
-- Robert Browning When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is
when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
-- Marcel Achard After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely
pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent H I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
-- Michael McShane Since Eve ate the apple, much depends on dinner.
-- Lord Byron Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way
around the laws.
- Plato H
Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
-- Lisa Hoffman Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time and annoys the pig.
-- Anon. The fantasy which serves as a support for the figure of the Stalinist Communist is therefore
exactly the same as the fantasy which is at work in the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
-- Slavoj Zizek May you never leave your marriage alive. It was a day like this Marco Polo left for China. What are your plans for today?
--Loesje H Good hours, excellent pay, fun place to work, paid training, mean boss. Oh well, four out of five
isn't bad.
-- Help Wanted Ad, PA newspaper, 1994 The last good thing written in C++ was the Pachelbel Canon.
-- Jerry Olson And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.
-- The Beatles, The last lyric of their last song H
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
"Would you like some fries with that?"
-- Jay Leno Man is a natural polygamist. He always has one woman leading him by the nose and another
hanging on to his coattails.
-- H. L. Mencken In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.
-- Lenny Bruce All television is children's television.
-- Richard P. Adler America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
-- Bobcat Goldthwait H Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. "I heard the old, old, men say 'all that's beautiful drifts away, like the waters.'" (William Butler Yeats) Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment. Baltasar
Gracian H
Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken When he first ran for office, he appealed to the voters: "I never stole anything in my life. All I ask
is a chance."
-- Anon. We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H.L. Mencken However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my usual manner...sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken H "When once you have tasted flight you will always walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward: for there you have been and there you will always be." (Henry Van Dyke) There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats.
-- Albert Schweitzer "I feel I have to protect myself against things. So I'm pretty careful to lose most of them." (George Orson Welles) H
"A friendship that exacts oneness of opinion and conduct is not worth much." (Mohandas Gandhi, In Search of the Supreme) I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.
-- Doug MacLeod Feeding the hungry is a greater work than raising the dead.
-- Saint John Chrysostom In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz >From the Far East I send you one single thought, one sole idea--written in red on every
beachhead form Australia to Tokyo--There is no substitute for victory!
-- General Douglas MacArthur H Never practice two vices at once.
-- Tallulah Bankhead Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset the social sciences were for all those who had not yet decided what to do with their lives, and for
all those whose premature frustrations led them into the sterile alleys of confrontation.
-- Peter H
Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it.
-- Josephus Daniels The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
-- Winston Churchill Genius is an African who dreams up snow.
-- Vladimir Nabokov In the blithe days of honeymoon,
With Kate's allurements smitten,
I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon,
And call'd her dearest kitten.
But now my kitten's grown a cat,
And cross like other wives.
You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war they kill you in a new way.
-- Will Rogers H "I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real senten The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Paul Ehrlich May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house. H
It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious.
-- Oscar Wilde Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
-- Vince Lombardi I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism
is the equal sharing of miseries.
-- Winston Churchill "Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil) H I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in
charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about.
-- Hen In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson
articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are
apparently based I want to die in my sleep like my friend.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his
car.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker H
