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Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
-- Steven Wright "The happy people are failures because they are on such good terms with themselves they don't give a damn." (Agatha Christie) For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate,
the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
-- Rainer Maria Ril Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-- Wynn Catlin, also attributed to Will Rogers Do not let yourselves be discouraged or embittered by the smallness of the success you are likely
to achieve in trying to make life better. You certainly would not be able, in a single generation, to O The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
- Lucille S. Harper "Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in the womb?" (Trey Parker) The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine O
If ever I get married again it would have to be under an anaesthetic.
-- Marie Tonkin Is it better for a woman to marry a man who loves her than a man she loves.
-- Anonymous A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.
-- George Santayana "I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats." (Woody Allen, in regard to the KKK) "I like boring things." (Andy Warhol, Holy Terror: Andy Warhol Close Up) O "Everywhere one seeks to produce meaning, to make the world signify, to render it visible. We are not, however, in danger of lacking meaning; quite the contrary, we are gorged with meaning and it is k "Deep down, no one really believes they have a right to live. But this death sentence generally stays tucked away, hidden beneath the difficulty of living. If that difficulty is removed from time to t "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." (George Carlin) O
"Fear is the dark room where the Devil develops his negatives." (Gary Busey) "Life is a great surprise. I don't see why death should not be an even greater one." (Vladimir Nabokov) The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
- George Bernard Shaw That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
-- Gloria Vanderbilt Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
-- Groucho Marx O They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to
run his, either.
-- Anonymous The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
-- ROBERT FROST Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer O
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln the social sciences were for all those who had not yet decided what to do with their lives, and for
all those whose premature frustrations led them into the sterile alleys of confrontation.
-- Peter Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an
automobile.
-- Billy Sunday The only weapon that becomes sharper with constant use is the tongue.
-- Anonymous "... What good are dreams if they come true?" (Frederick Exley, A Fan's Notes) O If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-- Lily Tomlin A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Goethe I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
-- Jules Renard O
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
-- Polish proverb We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.
-- Will Rogers "It is a curious thing that God learned Greek when he wished to turn author--and that he did not learn it better." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of
them, it's considered to be your style.
-- Fred Astaire "Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck." (George Sanders, suicide note) O I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way
around Chinatown.
-- Woody Allen The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or
theologian, unless the latter, too, be lovers in disguise.
-- George Santayana It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
-- George Bernard Shaw O
Journalism is merely history's first draft.
-- Geoffrey C. Ward If you want to sing out, sing out, and if you want to be free, be free, 'cause there's a million ways
to be, you know that there are...
-- Cat Stevens, from a song lyric "It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poe Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche The more I know about people, the better I like my dog.
-- Mark Twain O "How is it that we never have time to do a job right, but we always have time to do it over?" (Anonymous) Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of
hers.
-- Anonymous Whoever controls the media--the images--controls the culture.
-- Allen Ginsberg O
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRouchefoucauld The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
-- Lou Holtz You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton Beauty as we feel it is something indescribable; what it is or what it means can never be said.
-- George Santayana The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson O Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson.
-- Vernon Law "Death solves all problems--no man, no problem." (Josef Stalin) "Twelve magicians and two carnies have been shot dead doing the bullet catch. That's cool enough, but every night when we close our show with that trick and the loaded gun gets pointed in my face, it O
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at
the same time.
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." (Edger Allen Poe) If you are going through hell, keep going.
- Sir Winston Churchill "If you believe everything you read, you better not read." (Japanese Proverb) Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
-- Victor Borge O I'd wipe the machines off the face of the earth again, and end the industrial epoch absolutely, like
a black mistake.
-- D. H. Lawrence Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
-- Abraham Lincoln I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy.
-- J. Curtis McKay, Wisconsin State Elections Board O
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
-- Richard Braunstein "We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." (Jeff Marder) The more faithfully you listen to the voices within you, the better you will hear what is sounding
outside.
-- Dag Hammarskjold Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
-- Anonymous Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson O Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
-- Groucho Marx A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is
something everybody believes, except the person who made it.
-- Albert Einstein, attributed Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
-- H. L. Mencken O
I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
-- Michael McShane Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
-- James Joyce The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have
to shave twice a day.
-- Adlai Stevenson Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.
-- Anonymous "Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, 'What?! You too! Thought I was the only one.'" (Clive Staples Lewis) O "The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones." (William Shakespeare, Julius Cæsar. Act iii. Sc. 2.) Cute little babies that fall out of swings - These are a few of my favourite things.
-- Oscar Hammerstein, working lyric for a piece from "The Sound of Music" Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this
is not difficult.
-- Charlotte Whitton O
"If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, The Will to Power, 1888) I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over
them on long winter evenings.
-- Humphrey Bogart to Lauren Bacall, in "The Big Sleep" If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
-- Nathan Hale For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely
unnatural condition.
-- Robert Briffault O Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
- H. G. Wells "Vegiburgers are wrong." (Mike Kaup) "Drugs have done a lot of good. A lot of good songs have been written. 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. 'Dark Side of the Moon?' 100 dead kids. At least that many were conceived by people listening O
