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I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
-- Woody Allen It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
-- Woody Allen No other success can compensate for failure in the home.
-- David O. McKay, Encyclopedia of Mormonism, Advice to parents at General Conference of he
LDS Church, April, 1964 Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the
moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future
generations Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
-- Josh Billings Directories I don't know as much as God, but I know more than He did at my age.
-- Henry Kissinger Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
-- George Washington Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to
us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
-- Jeff Raskin Directories
Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
-- Anonymous "As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it." (Dick Cavett) Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
-- Oscar Wilde Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from
both sides.
-- Margaret Thatcher Directories Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
- Mark Twain "Paper should be edible, nutritious. Inks used for printing or writing should have delicious flavors. Magazines or newspapers read at breakfast should be eaten for lunch. Instead of throwing one's mai "There is no sin except stupidity." (Oscar Wilde) Directories
Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.
-- Pauline Thomason Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn
themselves to a life of vinegar.
-- Countess of Blessington If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.
-- Marcus Aurelius There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
-- Oscar Wilde Directories Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
- Friedrich Nietzsche Youth is wasted on the young.
-- George Bernard Shaw Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-
proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe
is Directories
Happiness, it is said, is seldom found by those who seek it, and never by those who seek it for
themselves.
-- F. Emerson Andrews "The happy people are failures because they are on such good terms with themselves they don't give a damn." (Agatha Christie) The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to
heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need
more supervision.
-- Lynn "Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts." (Henry B. Adams) I read the book of Job last night - I don't think God comes out well in it.
-- Virginia Woolf Directories "You make 'em, I amuse 'em." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, on children) Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of
humor is just common sense, dancing.
-- Clive James We must believe in free will, we have no choice.
-- Isaac B. Singer Directories
People may or may not say what they mean ... but they always say something designed to get
what they want.
-- David Mamet Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte "Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
-- Anonymous The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten.
-- Mark Twain Directories I was going to change my shirt, but I changed my mind instead.
-- Winnie the Pooh Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -- PJ O'Rourke Directories
A wasted youth is better by far than a wise and productive old age.
-- Meat Loaf, from the song "Wasted Youth" on the album Bat Out of Hell II The more we do, the more we can do; the more busy we are the more leisure we have.
-- William Hazlitt The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
-- Roger Simon You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war they kill you in a new way.
-- Will Rogers Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-- Will Rogers Directories Now comes the mystery.
-- Henry Ward Beecher, dying words, March 8, 1887 Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
-- Buddha "I think people resist freedom because they're afraid of the unknown. But it's ironic....That unknown was once very well known. It's where are souls belong....The only solution is to confront them--co Directories
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-
knowing.
- Henry Louis Mencken "Friends are those people who know the words to the song in your heart and sing them back to you when you have forgotten the words." (Anonymous) "I am not afraid of tomorrow, for i have seen yesterday and i love today!" (William Allen White) "There are no uninteresting things, only uninteresting people." (Gilbert Keith Chesterton) "The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones." (William Shakespeare, Julius Cĉsar. Act iii. Sc. 2.) Directories "Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong." (Muhammad Ali) "When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost." (Billy Graham) A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright Directories
What is the answer? In that case, what is the question?
-- Gertrude Stein, dying words I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal Our elections are free - it's in the results where eventually we pay.
-- Bill Stern "Beauty awakens the soul to act." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) The best defense is a good offense.
-- Anonymous Directories "If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." (Mark Twain) Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
-- G. K. Chesterton If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
-- George Gobel Directories
We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities,
talents, direction, missions, callings.
-- Abraham Maslow "Bread feeds the body, indeed, but flowers feed also the soul." (The Prophet Mohammad) You can not apply mathematics as long as words still becloud reality.
-- Hermann Weyl I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
-- Barbara Bush, first lady, 1989 Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as
saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.
-- Deborah Tan Directories May the road rise to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm
upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields and, until we meet again, may God hold you in
the palm Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is
not a conservative, has no brains.
-- Winston Churchill Always behave like a duck--keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil
underneath.
-- Jacob Braude Directories
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
-- Finley Peter Dunne Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because
we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
-- Anonymous Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first. "The purpose of Compulsory Education is to deprive the common people of their commonsense." (Gilbert Keith Chesterton) Directories Women are the only exploited group in history to have been idealized into powerlessness.
-- Erica Jong A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.
-- Anonymous The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt Directories
Repentance is not so much remorse for what we have done as the fear of the consequences.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld, Maxims, 1665 "Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism." (Dave Barry) "Drugs have done a lot of good. A lot of good songs have been written. 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. 'Dark Side of the Moon?' 100 dead kids. At least that many were conceived by people listening Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the
moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future
generations What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is
the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
-- Crow Directories Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
-- Anonymous Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
-- Karl Wallenda "Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Directories
