When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall
looking frantic.
-- Steven Wright We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
-- Wehrner von Braun When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
-- Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973 "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." (Mae West) "Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) Audio You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be
sacrificed to expediency.
-- W. Somerset Maugham Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau Grow old with me! The best is yet to be!
-- Robert Browning Audio
To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother--I want to marry one who makes dough like her father. Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.
-- Chinese Proverb If we may believe our logicians, man is distinguished from all other creatures by the
faculty of laughter.
-- Joseph Addison The important thing is not to stop questioning.
-- Albert Einstein Audio "Someday there will be girls and women whose name will no longer mean the mere opposite of the male, but something in itself, something that makes one think not of any compliment and limit, but only o Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
- James Stephens "Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details." (Andy Warhol, America, 1985) Audio
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
- Lao-Tzu "A man is only as faithful as his opportunity." (Chris Rock) There are only two things a child will share willingly communicable diseases and his mother's
age.
-- Modern Maturity Never judge a book by its movie.
-- J. W. Eagan Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of
existence.
-- Sydney Smith Audio I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
-- Katherine Cebrian "One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." (Helen Keller) If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
-- Albert Einstein Audio
Property may be destroyed and money may lose its purchasing power; but, character, health,
knowledge and good judgement will always be in demand under all conditions.
-- Roger Babson Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.
-- John Lyly Feminists are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take responsibility for your life and to be in control of
your life.
-- Abbie M. Dale "The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisi Audio "Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one person can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, misery, ignorance, and violence. Few will have the greatness to bend history Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them
down people's throats.
-- Howard Aiken Since Eve ate the apple, much depends on dinner.
-- Lord Byron Audio
I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.
-- Doug MacLeod Ninety percent of the game is half mental.
-- Yogi Berra Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
-- Mae West The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
-- ee cummings Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
-- David Starr Jordan Audio Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.
-- Grace Hansen Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
-- Voltaire There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world; and that is an idea whose time has
come.
-- Victor Hugo Audio
A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.
-- George Santayana Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
-- Anonymous See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
-- Will Rogers, to his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo Well if this is the wrong number, why did you answer it?
-- James Thurber "In every gathering of thirteen, expect one guest will turn out to be a Judas." (Aleister Crowley) Audio "That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves." (Thomas Jefferson) "God is Man's stupidest idea." (Marcel Duchamp, French Dadaist) If you don't know how to do something, you don't know how to do it with a computer.
-- Anon. Audio
"If you assume that there's no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, there are opportunities to change things, there's a chance for you t Live truth instead of professing it.
-- Elbert Hubbard Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
-- John F. Kennedy My good intentions are completely lethal.
-- Margaret Atwood Question: Ted Kennedy: "Where was George?"
Answer: Dry, sober, and at home with his wife Audio When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
- Sir Winston Churchill A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
-- Joseph Addison "Give me liberty or give me death." (Patrick Henry) Audio
Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.
-- Thornton Wilder He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.
-- Confucius You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
-- Henry Ford This world is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.
-- Horace Walpole Love is an attempt to change a piece of the dream-world into reality.
-- Theodor Reik Audio Mathematics, rightly viewed, posses not only truth, but supreme beauty -- a beauty cold and
austere, like that of sculpture.
-- Bertrand Russell "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) "I met someone on the street who said wasn't it great that we're going to have a movie star for president, that it was so Pop, and (laughs) when you think about it like that, it is great, it's so Amer Audio
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
-- J. Heller The better part of valor is discretion.
-- William Shakespeare 1564-1616 from King Henry the Fourth, Part I The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
-- Winston Churchill One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if
possible, speak a few reasonable words.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth.
-- Niels Bohr Audio "Courage is found in unlikely places." (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien) Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
-- Norman R. Augustine The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not,
the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you 'come to terms
with Audio
"He who speaks of what he knows not only works hard to portray his ignorance." (Joseph Muchemi) He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke.
-- Terry Cohen Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
-- Samuel Butler Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson.
-- Vernon Law Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright Audio Before I married, I had three theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three
children and no theories.
-- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Paul Ehrlich A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.
-- James Lowell Audio
"God is dead: but considering the state Man is in, there will perhaps be caves, for ages yet, in which his shadow will be shown." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, The Joyful Wisdom) My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day. "What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that is the first law of nature." (Francois Marie Ar It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
- Aristotle When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up
something appropriate and do it.
-- E. W. Howe Audio What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
-- Adolf Hitler In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice
that I am not a Republican.
-- H. L. Mencken Thomas Jefferson--still surv...
-- John Adams, dying words Audio
