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Why doesn't she like me? Is it my hair, my overbite, the fact that I've worn the same shirt and
shorts for the last four years?
-- Bart Simpson, young character from The Simpsons, U.S. animated tele Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
-- Roger Babson If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.
-- Anne Bradstreet "One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people's lives without having to pay the price. I've never been one of those actors who has touted myself as a fascinating human being. I Educational Software The society of women is the element of good manners.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.
--Don Galer The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
-- ee cummings Educational Software
"Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." (George Bernard Shaw) Paradoxically though it may seem, it is none the less true that life imitates art far more than art
imitates life.
-- Oscar Wilde Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
-- Harriet Beecher Stowe Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the
neighborhood.
-- Maya Angelou The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
-- Thomas Jefferson Educational Software Research is the act of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
-- Plutarch If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having
passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
-- Anonymous The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.
-- Lord Byron Educational Software
A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally
stopping before it gets there.
-- Agnes Repplier In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow.
-- Wedding Vow, Book of Common Prayer I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain
and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
-- Mother Teresa Educational Software The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
-- Publilius Syrus You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
-- W.S. Gilbert The fate of love is that it always seems too little or too much.
-- Anonymous Educational Software
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
-- Samuel Johnson "The perception of beauty is a moral test." (Henry David Thoreau) Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
-- Anonymous In the blithe days of honeymoon,
With Kate's allurements smitten,
I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon,
And call'd her dearest kitten.
But now my kitten's grown a cat,
And cross like other wives.
Educational Software Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for
appointment by the corrupt few.
-- George bernard Shaw Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-- T. S. Eliot "When you have nothing to say, say nothing." (Charles Caleb Colton) Educational Software
One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all,
give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of
sexual When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of
the world.
- George Washington Carver "Good taste is the first refuge of the non-creative. It is the last-ditch stand of the artist." (Marshall McLuhan) Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
-- Anonymous Educational Software For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good
results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
-- Laundry instructions on a shirt "What dies if freedom lives? What lives if freedom dies?" (Lindsay Anderson, British filmmaker, from if.... (1968) I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.
-- Virginia Woolf Educational Software
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
-- Hal Abelson A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.
-- Ed Howe My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no
character.
-- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of fig When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall
looking frantic.
-- Steven Wright Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you
get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a
Educational Software Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
- Honore de Balzac Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
-- Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare. Act II, Scene II, lines 220-221 The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every
morning and say, "How's the President?"
-- Will Rogers Educational Software
Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
-- Marx Groucho, the film "Animal Crackers" "If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee." (Abraham Lincoln, 1809-65) Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
-- Aldous Huxley I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked
me in the cellar.
-- Anonymous Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
-- George Clemenceau Educational Software If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
-- Voltaire "No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, g You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec Educational Software
I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic
wastes to Third Wo "He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." (Chinese Proverb) Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
-- Red Buttons "Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." (Fred Allen) Educational Software When making public policy decisions about new technologies for the Government, I think one
should ask oneself which technologies would best strengthen the hand of a police state. Then, do
not allow I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal Educational Software
The mind has exactly the same power as the hands: not merely to grasp the world, but to change
it.
-- Colin Wilson "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes." (Andy Warhol) Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
-- Roger Babson Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings The mind has exactly the same power as the hands: not merely to grasp the world, but to change
it.
-- Colin Wilson Educational Software Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.
-- King Vidor, in the 1928 film, The Crawl It was a day like this Marco Polo left for China. What are your plans for today?
--Loesje "If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." (Mark Twain) Educational Software
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
-- Woody Allen ... it is certain that the real function of art is to increase our self-consciousness; to make us more
aware of what we are, and therefore of what the universe in which we live really is. And since
We must become the change we want to see.
-- Gandhi Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
-- Typewriting exercise A multiple personality is in a certain sense normal.
-- George H. Mead Educational Software "Death solves all problems--no man, no problem." (Josef Stalin) The difference between a man who faces death for the sake of an idea and an imitator who goes
in search of martyrdom is that the former expresses his idea most fully in death while the latter
really Goodbye, Everybody!
-- Hart Crane, poet, who committed suicide by jumping overboard during a steamship voyage. Educational Software
No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.
-- Booker T. Washington This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold
of a hammer.
-- Will Rogers Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good
taste in men!
-- Wedding Toast Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll, (seen attributed to "R.S. Ingersoll" - a typo?) "Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Educational Software Women's liberationists spread the word that...the only peaceful family is one in which either the
wife is enslaved or the husband is androgynous.
-- R. Emmett Tyell, The Liberal Crack-Up, 1984 "I don't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." (John Cage) There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.
-- Peter De Vries Educational Software
