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In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because
we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, Giving a man space is like giving a dog a computer: the chances are he will not use it wisely.
-- Bette-Jane Raphael The more I know about people, the better I like my dog.
-- Mark Twain Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from
both sides.
-- Margaret Thatcher Utilities I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.
-- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a
woman.
-- Virginia Woolf "We're an embarrasment to college graduates across America." (James Douglas Morrison, lead singer of The Doors) Utilities
Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover The most savage controversies are about those matters as to which there is no good evidence
either way.
-- Bertrand Russell As always, victory finds a hundred fathers but defeat is an orphan.
-- Count Galeazzo Ciano, The Ciano Diaries Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen.
-- Albert Einstein They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But he finally decided to let her go.
-- Anonymous Utilities "Death where is thy sting? Love, where is thy glory?" (William Shakespeare) Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- Pancho Villa, dying words Multimedia? As far as I'm concerned, it's reading with the radio on!
-- Rory Bremner Utilities
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.
-- John Galsworthy Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein "Great spirits have always faced voilent protest from mediocre minds." (Albert Einstein) "Murderers have been known to find that young girls give them more trouble than anybody else." (Jean Cocteau, Les Enfants Terribles) Utilities When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
- Friedrich Nietzsche In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.
-- Robert Frost The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Paul Ehrlich Utilities
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that
can be shot when it breaks down.
-- Russell Baker Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.
-- Virginia Woolf "Now that we have everything we need, we discover that there is almost nothing that we have that we want." (John Cage, M, Writings 1967 - 1972) A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.
-- Ed Howe Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes
your wife.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Utilities Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take
what I have to give.
-- Cass Daley It takes a great deal of history to produce a little literature.
-- Henry James "Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same." (George Bernard Shaw) Utilities
Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family. The greatest homage to truth is to use it.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson If God does not exist, then everything is permitted.
-- Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Devils Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
- Samuel Palmer Utilities "Have love for your friend up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your friend some day." (Ali bin There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbour.
-- G. K. Chesterton Utilities
I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than
knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.
-- Albert Einstein I once asked my history teacher how we were expected to learn anything useful from his subject,
when it seemed to me to be nothing but a monotonous and sordid succession of robber baron
scumbags dev I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it.
And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
-- George Bus Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-- Charlie Brown, character in "Peanuts" comic strip, created by Charles Schultz Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.
--Don Galer Utilities It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
- G. B. Burgin The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
-- Mark Twain Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde Utilities
He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.
- Friedrich Nietzsche The wit of a graduate student is like champagne. Canadian champagne.
-- Robertson Davies Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -- PJ O'Rourke "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) The democratic theory is that if you accumulate enough ignorance at the polls, you produce
intelligence.
-- Philo Vance Utilities Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
-- Irwin Corey "Love is always a stranger in the house of avarice." (Andreas Capellanus) Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
-- T.S. Eliot Utilities
If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.
-- Lynda Barry Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
-- Will Rogers The health of the people is really the foundation upon which all their happiness and all their
powers as a State depend.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.
-- Sigmund Freud Utilities Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the
really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
-- Mark Twain However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my usual manner...sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan "I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you and education." (Wilson Mizner) Utilities
And life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.
-- Grandma Moses "A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce) There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.
-- George Armstrong Custer You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax--tomorrow you'll be afraid to
cough.
-- Pearl Williams You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they
do.
-- Olin Miller Utilities Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau ( If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the
bureaucracy won't.
-- Hyman Rickover It ain't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.
-- Will Rogers Utilities
"Have confidence that if you have done a little thing well, you can do a bigger thing well, too." (David Malcolm Storey) What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is
the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
-- Crowf "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." (Eddie Rickenbacker) When you've spent half your political life dealing with humdrum issues like the environment... it's
exciting to have a real crisis on your hands.
-- Margaret Thatcher, on the Falklands Conflict Conversation, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts most subtly on the
human will.
-- Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway Utilities Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.
-- Oliver Herford Look not mournfully into the Past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present. It is
thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy Future, without fear, and with a manly heart.
-- Henry Wadsworth Lo It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln Utilities
A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
-- Kin Hubbard A woman's always younger than a man of equal years.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh "When you resort to attacking the messenger and not the message, you have lost the debate." (Addison Whithecomb) Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
-- Lily Tomlin When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims
of intact ones.
-- Peter DeVries Utilities "The monster a child knows best and is most concerned with [is] the monster he feels or fears himself to be. " (Bruno Bettelheim, child psychologist) In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.
-- Robert Frost Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.
-- Fr. Jerome Cummings Utilities
