"Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." (Erica Jong) By working faithfully eight hours a day, you might eventually get to be a boss and work twelve
hours a day.
-- ROBERT FROST No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
- William Jennings Bryan The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.
-- Aaron Machado Man and wife make one fool. By County Half of the American people never read a newspaper.
Half never voted for President.
One hopes it is the same half.
-- Gore Vidal "Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in the womb?" (Trey Parker) Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
-- Steven Wright By County
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and
intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
- Galileo Galilei "A thing of beauty is a joy forever." (John Keats) I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin "I don't believe people die. They just go uptown. To Bloomingdales. They just take longer to get back." (Andy Warhol) Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity.
-- Edward H. Land By County Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon
compounds that crawl.
-- Mike Adams I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
-- Mother Teresa We do not remember days; we remember moments.
-- Anonymous By County
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in
a car he sticks his head out the window.
-- Steve Bluestone He that would have the fruit must climb the tree.
-- Thomas Fuller, M.D. A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.
-- James Lowell Such is life.
-- Ned Kelly, Last words, before being hung at Old Melbourne Gaol "Courageous, untroubled, mocking and violent--that is what Wisdom wants us to be. Wisdom is a woman, and loves only a warrior." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) By County Question: Ted Kennedy: "Where was George?"
Answer: Dry, sober, and at home with his wife "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." (Andy Warhol) I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
-- Adela Rogers St. John By County
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Robert Frost (1874-1963) We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution,
of courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always
be If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
-- Chekhov The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt "See - one side of my face is gentle and kind, incapable of anything but love of my fellow man. The other side, the other profile, is cruel and predatory and evil, incapable of anything but lusts and By County Politics have no relation to morals.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a
woman.
-- Virginia Woolf Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous
and dreadful.
-- Samuel Johnson By County
Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs Success is just a matter of attitude.
-- Darcy E. Gibbons "Things do not change, we change." (Henry David Thoreau) "We have to be able to criticise what we love, to say what we have to say 'cause if your not trying to make something better, than as far as I can tell, you are just in the way." (Ani Difranco) Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover By County "Politics is my hobby. Smut is my vocation." (Larry Flynt) Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
-- George Washington "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." (Galileo Galilei) By County
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." (Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest) I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes.
-- Richard Nixon, U.S. President My other wife is beautiful. I believe that mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didn't wear fur coats those
little animals would never have been born. So is it better not to have been born or to have lived By County "One of the good things about low self-esteem is never having rain hit you in the face." (John A. Simone Jr.) Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
-- Josh Billings "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) By County
Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones
was alive.
-- G. K. Chesterton Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in
opposite directions, yet always punishing any one who comes between them.
-- Sydney Smith "The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet." (Andy Warhol) The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
- George Bernard Shaw By County Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley
Temple could do it at the age of four.
-- Katharine Hepburn I am not young enough to know everything.
-- Oscar Wilde The first duty of love is to listen.
-- Paul Tillich By County
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind
woman.
-- S. T. Coleridge I'm not dumb, I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
-- Calvin "Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in the womb?" (Trey Parker) Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. blah "You shall find out how salt is the taste of another man's bread, and how hard is the way up and down another man's stairs." (Dante Alighieri, 1265-1321) By County If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth What do you take me for, an idiot?
- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn; my God, do you learn!" (Clive Staples Lewis) By County
You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
-- W.S. Gilbert It is not necessary that whilst I live I live happily; but it is necessary that so long as I live I should
live honourably.
-- Kant, Immanuel "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but
as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!"
-- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you
underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-- Matt Groening, Love is Hell By County I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the
advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults of the first.
-- Benjamin Franklin The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them.
-- Anonymous By County
Honor the ocean of love.
-- George de Benneville Your every voter, as surely as your chief magistrate, exercises a public trust.
-- Grover Cleveland We look forward to the time when the power to love of will replace the love of power. Then will our
world know the blessings of peace.
-- William Gladstone The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps
the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.
-- Helen Hayes Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to
do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.
-- Anonymous By County If you want to sing out, sing out, and if you want to be free, be free, 'cause there's a million ways
to be, you know that there are...
-- Cat Stevens, from a song lyric "Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes." (Oscar Wilde) Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset By County
Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs Look not mournfully into the Past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present. It is
thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy Future, without fear, and with a manly heart.
-- Henry Wadsworth Lo Now comes the mystery.
-- Henry Ward Beecher, dying words, March 8, 1887 The better part of valor is discretion.
-- William Shakespeare 1564-1616 from King Henry the Fourth, Part I Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
-- Martin Mull By County "What is most appealing about young folks, after all, is the changes, not the still photograph of finished character but the movie, the soul in flux." (Thomas Pynchon) "And on the seventh day, God stepped back and said 'There is my creation, perfect in every way ... oh, damn it, I left pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it. Now I have to Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
-- Al Capp By County
