I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about "short" and
"cheap"?
-- Phyllis Diller If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor
one.
-- Dr. W.C. Heuper of the National Cancer Institute, as quoted in the New York Times on Apri Happiness is nothing more than health and a poor memory.
-- Albert Schweitzer "Now that we have everything we need, we discover that there is almost nothing that we have that we want." (John Cage, M, Writings 1967 - 1972) There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics a By County Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.
-- G. K. Chesterton My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way. Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde By County
"To avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." (Elbert Hubbard, American author, 1856-1915) "How is it that we never have time to do a job right, but we always have time to do it over?" (Anonymous) "In some ways, I never outgrew my adolescence. I wake up in the morning and think, 'Oh my God, I'm late for a math test!' But then I say, 'Wait a minute. I'm 40.'" (Daniel Clowes) Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- Pancho Villa, dying words History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history.
-- Clarence Darrow By County Well if this is the wrong number, why did you answer it?
-- James Thurber Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
-- Boies Penrose, 1931 In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th By County
I was going to change my shirt, but I changed my mind instead.
-- Winnie the Pooh The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the
chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
- unknown We live at a time when man believes himself fabulously capable of creation, but he does not
know what to create.
-- Jose Ortega y Gasset Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing
popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-- Dave Barry In the end, everything is a gag.
-- Charlie Chaplin By County Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
-- George Saunders - last words When women go wrong, men go right after them.
-- Mae West One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good
reputation.
-- Oscar Wilde By County
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan. "The man who never made a mistake never made anything." (Derek Longdon, Tongariro Power Development, Turangi, New Zealand) Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
- Benjamin Franklin "Politics is my hobby. Smut is my vocation." (Larry Flynt) Tauzin backs term limits -- But he thinks it's a bad idea.
-- Headline, story in the New Orleans Times-Picayune, Feb 20, 1995 By County blah "The best students always are flunking. Every good teacher knows that." (Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance) "Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." (H. H. Williams) I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Indeed, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash, Song of the Open Road, 1945 By County
"A man must dream a long time in order to act with grandeur, and dreaming is nursed in darkness." (Jean Genet) The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Good judgement comes from experience, and experience--well, that comes from poor judgement.
-- Cousin Woodman "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." (Ambrose Redmoon) The love we give away is the only love we keep.
-- Elbert Hubbard By County The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy
the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen The best teacher is the one who suggests rather than dogmatizes, and inspires his listener with
the wish to teach himself.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton Whatever you are, be a good one.
-- Abraham Lincoln By County
If people turn to look at you on the street, you are not well dressed.
-- Beau Brummel We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as
possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
-- Ambrose Bierce "Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) Keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
-- Roger Babson By County "In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." (Eric Hoffer) blah "Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together." (Vincent van Gogh) Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
-- George Burns By County
Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Rabbi Julius Gordon All over Washington today, the politicians and the power brokers are happy. In fact, if you listen
closely, you can hear the sound of champagne corks popping.
-- Paul Jacob, Term Limits Executive Di Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
-- Josh Billings If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not a poet
enough to call forth its riches; for to the creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent p "The easiest kind of relationship is with ten thousand people, the hardest is with one." (Joan Baez) By County I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson "It is a curious thing that God learned Greek when he wished to turn author--and that he did not learn it better." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in
opposite directions, yet always punishing any one who comes between them.
-- Sydney Smith By County
"Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore, so do our minutes, hasten to their end." (William Shakespeare) Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
-- Mark Twain By the time (the Leaning Tower of Pisa) was 10% built, everyone knew it would be a total
disaster. But the investment was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it cost
a fortune Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
-- Oscar Wilde I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
-- Nancy Mitford By County "I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter." (Blaise Pascal) The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to
substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.
-- Iris Murdoch "Small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas." (Anonymous) By County
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
- Oscar Wilde Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
-- Victor Borge There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics a Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and
cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
-- Tom Robbins By County Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error
that provoked it.
-- Alvin Toffler "The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you know it all." (Harry S. Truman) When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home.
-- Betty Bender By County
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take
her off his hands.
-- Sacha Guitry Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
-- William Congreve Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large
organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
-- Dave Barry It destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do.
--Don Galer By County The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
-- Quentin Crisp Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
-- Samuel Butler Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
--Anon. By County
Goodbye, Everybody!
-- Hart Crane, poet, who committed suicide by jumping overboard during a steamship voyage. Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way
around the laws.
- Plato And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
-- Abraham Lincoln The less their ability, the more their conceit.
Ahad HaAm "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick) By County Biography lends to death a new terror.
-- Oscar Wilde Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without
feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex,
the ugl One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
-- Sophocles By County
