Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain "The concerned investment banker is the one who blows the horn on his Mercedes as he drives through a red light." (Anonymous) "When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory." (Friedrich Wilhelm Ni "Any existence deprived of freedom is a kind of death." (General Michel Aoun) Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
- Elbert Hubbard Flowers and Gifts UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Every man knows his follies and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
-- Josh Billings Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all
I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going "Quit it."
-- Jerry Seinfeld Flowers and Gifts
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
- Aristotle What is politics, after all, but the compulsion to preside over property and make other peoples'
decisions for them?
-- Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-
Box.
-- Wil Shriner Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-- John F. Kennedy He who has lost honor can lose nothing more.
-- Publilius Syrus Flowers and Gifts Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a
madhouse.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe People only see what they are prepared to see.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
-- Robert Frost Flowers and Gifts
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call
me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.
-- Rebecca West, Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
-- Vince Lombardi "Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes." (Oscar Wilde) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of
mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
-- Rita Mae Brown Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
-- Oliver Herford Flowers and Gifts Life is not an easy matter.... You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism
unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above
weakness Count your age with friends but not with years.
-- Anonymous I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
-- Henny Youngman Flowers and Gifts
"I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower."
"Oh yeah, well I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower TWICE!"
-- Ken Kesey from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
-- Mark Twain Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
-- Helen Keller Sex is God's joke on human beings.
-- Bette Davis He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that.
-- John Stuart Mill Flowers and Gifts Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
-- Oliver Herford If you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others.
-- Tryon Edwards "Marriage excuses no one the freak's roll-call." (Joe Orton, What the Butler Saw) Flowers and Gifts
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence
University education.
-- George Bernard Shaw A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.
-- Edgar Watson Howe Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
-- Rita Rudner "A wise man among the ignorant is as a beautiful girl in the company of blind men." (Saadi) If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. If still boring, then eight. Then sixteen. Then thirty-two. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring at all." (John Cage) Flowers and Gifts Every man knows his follies and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
-- Josh Billings The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
-- G. K. Chesterton "I don't think it's the nature of any man to be monogamous. Men are propelled by genetically ordained impulses over which they have no control to distribute their seed." (Marlon Brando) Flowers and Gifts
Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.
-- G. K. Chesterton "The man who never made a mistake never made anything." (Derek Longdon, Tongariro Power Development, Turangi, New Zealand) Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.
-- Samuel Johnson "When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools." (William Shakespeare) Age does not make us childish, as some say; it finds us true children.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Flowers and Gifts A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What
do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came
back with ano Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
-- Ralph Marston Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
-- Albert Einstein Flowers and Gifts
It takes two to speak truth --One to speak, and another to hear.
-- Henry David Thoreau It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-- Gore Vidal There is nothing so wrong in this world that a sensible woman can't set it right in the course of an
afternoon.
-- Giraudoux May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.
-- Judith Viorst Flowers and Gifts When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being
brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
-- Cynthia H Never practice two vices at once.
-- Tallulah Bankhead Do you not know, my son, with what little understanding the world is ruled?
-- Pope Julius III Flowers and Gifts
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S. Truman An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions.
-- Aldous Huxley "Great spirits have always faced voilent protest from mediocre minds." (Albert Einstein) In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose
shoulders we stand.
-- Gerald Holton Flowers and Gifts Now comes the mystery.
-- Henry Ward Beecher, dying words, March 8, 1887 Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
- Henry David Thoreau Destiny is not a matter of chance; but a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, It is a
thing to be acheived.
-- William Jennings Bryant Flowers and Gifts
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein "I was born lost and take no pleasure in being found..." (John Steinbeck, Travels With Charley) What we anticipate seldom occurs: but what we least expect generally happens.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to
contact us.
-- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes Flowers and Gifts "Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes." (Oscar Wilde) "Everywhere one seeks to produce meaning, to make the world signify, to render it visible. We are not, however, in danger of lacking meaning; quite the contrary, we are gorged with meaning and it is k I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way
around Chinatown.
-- Woody Allen Flowers and Gifts
When you're away, I'm restless, lonely
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.
-- Samuel Hoffenstein Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes
your wife.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show What's another word for "Thesaurus?"
-- Steven Wright Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame.
-- G. K. Chesterton "The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning, but without understanding." (Louis Brandeis) Flowers and Gifts "A wise man among the ignorant is as a beautiful girl in the company of blind men." (Saadi) "I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you and education." (Wilson Mizner) "'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!'" (Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass) Flowers and Gifts
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
-- Steven Wright Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.
-- Aristotle "Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.
-- Dr. Benjamin Spock, American pediatrician, address to new parents The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
-- Robert M. Pirsig Flowers and Gifts I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
-- Will Rogers "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) Every flower must grow through dirt.
-- Anonymous Flowers and Gifts
