Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and
begin slitting throats.
- Henry Louis Mencken The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I
was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
-- Smith & Jones And I shall love thee still my dear, Until my wife is wise. Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any
antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
-- Alfred Hitchcock The course of true love never did run smooth.
-- William Shakespeare News and Media Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
-- Seen on a bumper sticker "I fear we are not getting rid of God because we still believe in grammar." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The English country gentleman galloping after a fox--the unspeakable in full pursuit of the
uneatable.
-- Oscar Wilde News and Media
Honor lies in honest toil.
-- Grover Cleveland You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants.
-- Arthur Schoperhauer One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is
terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
-- Sidney Goff News and Media "I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower."
"Oh yeah, well I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower TWICE!"
-- Ken Kesey from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely
pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor News and Media
"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing." (John Powell) It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.
-- Alec Bourne, A Doctor's Creed Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
-- Albert Einstein And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts,
in living color, you're about to see another first -- an attempted suicide.
-- Chris Hubbock, who sh Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs News and Media Never moon a werewolf.
-- Mike Binder Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.
-- Diane Ackerman May the road rise to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm
upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields and, until we meet again, may God hold you in
the palm News and Media
To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
-- Karen Sunde There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- Benjamin Disraeli "Crime like death is not confined to the old and withered alone. The youngest and fairest are too often its chosen victims." (Charles Dickens, 1812-70, Oliver Twist) "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." (Roald Dahl) Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
-- George E. Woodberry News and Media How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it
a leg.
-- Abraham Lincoln I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for
half the money.
-- Arthur Godfrey You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
-- Al Capone News and Media
We must believe in free will, we have no choice.
-- Isaac B. Singer The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
- definition of happiness by John F. Kennedy Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-- H. L. Mencken A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
-- Mae West Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe News and Media Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
-- Martin Mull If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
-- Albert Einstein Art and science have their meeting point in method.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton News and Media
You can always amend a big plan, but you can never expand a little one. I don't believe in little
plans. I believe in plans big enough to meet a situation which we can't possibly foresee now.
-- Ha "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) "Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." (Alice Walker) Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the
writing will be just as it should be.
-- Mark Twain "If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." (Albert Einstein) News and Media "Everyone is a bore to someone. That is unimportant. The thing to avoid is being a bore to oneself." (Gerald Brenan) "Great indebtedness does not make men grateful, but vengeful; and if a little charity is not forgotten, it turns into a gnawing worm." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra) Here's to you and here's to me,
and I hope we never disagree.
But, if that should ever be,
to HELL with you, here's to ME!
-- Anonymous News and Media
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are
legislators.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large
organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
-- Dave Barry "In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." (Eric Hoffer) May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. It is not good enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well.
-- Rene Descartes News and Media "Now that we have everything we need, we discover that there is almost nothing that we have that we want." (John Cage, M, Writings 1967 - 1972) Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw The mind has exactly the same power as the hands: not merely to grasp the world, but to change
it.
-- Colin Wilson News and Media
As for the virtuous poor, one can pity them, of course, but one cannot possibly admire them.
-- Oscar Wilde Do or do not. There is no try.
-- Yoda, character in the movie The Empire Strikes Back I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
-- Carol Leifer We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
-- Winston Churchill "He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." (Chinese Proverb) News and Media The multitude is always in the wrong.
-- Wentworth Dillon, Earl of Roscommon, 1684 The limits of my language means the limits of my world.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein With the catching end the pleasures of the chase.
-- Abraham Lincoln News and Media
I am ready at any time. Do not keep me waiting.
-- John Brown - last words Hell is paved with good samaritans.
-- William M. Holden "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." (Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire, 1694-1778) "There is no sin except stupidity." (Oscar Wilde) My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them. News and Media "Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck." (George Sanders, suicide note) When you're away, I'm restless, lonely
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.
-- Samuel Hoffenstein I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that
M&Ms really do melt in your hand...
-- Peter Oakley News and Media
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-- Jackie Mason Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.
-- Jim Beggs There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson "Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop." (Usman Asif) Men are strong only so long as they represent a strong idea. They become powerless when they
oppose it.
-- Sigmund Freud News and Media Do not let yourselves be discouraged or embittered by the smallness of the success you are likely
to achieve in trying to make life better. You certainly would not be able, in a single generation, to Live truth instead of professing it.
-- Elbert Hubbard Thomas Jefferson--still surv...
-- John Adams, dying words News and Media
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." (Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom) Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.
-- Pauline Thomason Unfortunately, the media have trouble distinguishing between real science and propaganda
cross-dressed as science.
-- Linda Bowles, political columnist "The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is the love of ourselves." (William Hazlitt) I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
- Ian L. Fleming News and Media Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche Truth must necessarily be stranger than fiction, for fiction is the creation of the human mind and
therefore congenial to it.
-- G. K. Chesterton Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
-- George Bernard Shaw News and Media
