"Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women ... and the other ten percent I wasted." (Tug McGraw, Major League Baseball pitcher) Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
-- Victor Borge It's no credit to anyone to work to hard.
-- Ed Howe Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
-- Billy Sunday I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-- Bill Hoest Education Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
- Jean-Paul Sartre Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this
is not difficult.
-- Charlotte Whitton "The masses are far more likely to believe a big lie than several small ones." (Adolf Hitler) Education
It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions.
-- Aldous Huxley He who laughs, lasts.
-- Mary Pettibone Poole "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the
moment.
-- Robert Benchley My Alma mater was books, a good library . . . . I could spend the rest of my life reading, just
satisfying my curiosity.
--Malcolm X Education It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
-- Woody Allen "There are no uninteresting things, only uninteresting people." (Gilbert Keith Chesterton) All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story Education
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
- e e cummings Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
-- Anonymous Men. You can't live with them. You don't have to.
-- Seen on a t-shirt "When you have nothing to say, say nothing." (Charles Caleb Colton) The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
- George Bernard Shaw Education Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of
fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality
and The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and
remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't
work and the A White House well filled, a little peanut field well tilled, and a wife who will go to the Bronx are
great riches.
-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac Education
Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. "What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that is the first law of nature." (Francois Marie Ar Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop
questioning.
-- Albert Einstein "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do." (Anonymous) "Our lives are repetitious shams--every single day a simulacrum of the previous day. So for Man, he is out to pepper his daily activities with different things--he's fighting against boredom." (Matth Education "I'm the artist formally known as Beck. I have a genius wig. When I put that wig on, then the true genius emerges. I don't have enough hair to be a genius. I think you have to have hair going everywhe Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the
second, "For my best friend."
-- Anonymous Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
-- Steven Wright Education
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
-- Samuel Butler Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on
a date.
-- Caroline Rhea To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.
-- Arthur Schopenhauer It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
-- Pierre Augustin de Beaumarchais When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of
the world.
- George Washington Carver Education A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman
is one who can find such a man.
-- Lana Turner "I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs." (Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol's Exposures, 1980) Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
- James Stephens Education
"This is slavery, not to speak one's thought." (Euripides) Is it better for a woman to marry a man who loves her than a man she loves.
-- Anonymous The worth of the state, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it.
-- John Stuart Mill In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but how
many can get through to you.
-- Mortimer J. Adler May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house. Education Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
-- Euripides "Shared joys make a friend, not shared sufferings." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools." (William Shakespeare) Education
"My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." (Oscar Wilde, his last recorded words) "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." (Mae West) They gave me a book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits.
-- Joe Early, Congressman (D-Mass), at a press conference to answer questions about the
House Bank scandal "I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower."
"Oh yeah, well I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower TWICE!"
-- Ken Kesey from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy. Education Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
- Elbert Hubbard The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
-- Kin Hubbard "As is our confidence, so is our capacity." (William Hazlitt) Education
The sun never sets on the British empire because Britain is in the east and the sun sets in the
west.
-- Unknown history student We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us.
-- Mme de Staël Genius is an African who dreams up snow.
-- Vladimir Nabokov What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.
-- Alanis Morissette, singer, 1995 The most savage controversies are about those matters as to which there is no good evidence
either way.
-- Bertrand Russell Education Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read.
-- Button from the Computer Museum, Boston, MA Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
-- Oscar Wilde The possibility that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause
we believe to be just.
-- Abraham Lincoln Education
An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness.
-- Margaret Atwood My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this
is true.
-- James Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion "I have an unfortunate personality." (George Orson Welles) I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible
by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
- Umberto Eco Education If the government wants people to respect the law, it should set a better example.
-- Anon. Watching the debate this afternoon it was apparent they loved term limits in the House -- as
Brutus loved Caesar.
-- Bill Moyers "You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." (Albert Camus, The Fall) Education
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can
write better.
- A. J. Liebling I once asked my history teacher how we were expected to learn anything useful from his subject,
when it seemed to me to be nothing but a monotonous and sordid succession of robber baron
scumbags dev Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
-- Groucho Marx Education Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is
merely a good excuse not to play football.
-- Fran Lebowitz "A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits." (Woodrow Wilson, 28th US president, 1856-1924) Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
-- James Matthew Barrie Education
"No one ever owns his youth or the women he loves." (Pedro Almodóvar, Live Flesh) Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
- Lewis Perelman America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a
chair.
-- Arnold Toynbee Every child is born a genius.
-- R. Buckminster Fuller Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones
was alive.
-- G. K. Chesterton Education There is nothing so wrong in this world that a sensible woman can't set it right in the course of an
afternoon.
-- Giraudoux This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises,
promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
-- Anonymous "A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car." (Kenneth Tynan) Education
