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"The devil's agents may be of flesh and blood, may they not?" (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles) Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the
touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
-- Jonathan S. Haas A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.
-- James Lowell The open-minded see the truth in different things: the narrow-minded see only the differences.
-- Author Unknown "One can do without people but one has need of a friend." (Chinese Proverb) Health There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!
-- Calvin "If I work toward an end, meantime I am confined to a process. The rainbow is more beautiful than the pot at the end of it, because the rainbow is now. And the pot never turns out to be quite what I e "A man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it." (Claude Rains, as Mr. Dryden, Lawrence of Arabia, 1962) Health
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.
-- Brian Pickrell Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
-- Stephen Leacock You can not apply mathematics as long as words still becloud reality.
-- Hermann Weyl Practice random acts of kindness and sensless acts of beauty.
-- Adair Lara Vote for the man who promises least. He'll be the least disappointing.
-- Bernard Baruch Health I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh, there was a happy time when I
believed in liberals...
-- G. K. Chesterton "Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one person can do against the enormous array of the world's ills, misery, ignorance, and violence. Few will have the greatness to bend history The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
-- Shirley MacLaine Health
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." (George Carlin) Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain
as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't
remember what Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.
-- Anonymous It is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by
the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off!
-- Douglas Jerold, 1858 Health You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
-- Dolly Parton Half of the American people never read a newspaper.
Half never voted for President.
One hopes it is the same half.
-- Gore Vidal Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.
-- Benjamin Franklin Health
"A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce) "Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies." (Gore Vidal) Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country
could do under first-class management.
-- Senator Soaper The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One
cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the
marvelous str It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
-- Jane Austen Health The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.
-- Mother Teresa There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
-- Steven Wright I don't feel good.
-- Luther Burbank, dying words Health
There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at
heart, you can't take part. And you've got to put your body upon the gears and upon the wheels,
upon the lev The church is the great lost and found department.
-- Robert Short "The only way to have friends is to be one." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." (Oscar Wilde, his last recorded words) Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who
can't read.
-- Frank Zappa Health If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
- George Bernard Shaw "Have you ever fed your pocket and starved your soul?" (Ivana Santilli, Too Deep) "Plato was a bore." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Health
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963) Children are a poor man's riches.
-- English proverb I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
-- Mark Twain I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady
in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
-- Dick Martin Property may be destroyed and money may lose its purchasing power; but, character, health,
knowledge and good judgement will always be in demand under all conditions.
-- Roger Babson Health Men. You can't live with them. You don't have to.
-- Seen on a t-shirt Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it. "Paper should be edible, nutritious. Inks used for printing or writing should have delicious flavors. Magazines or newspapers read at breakfast should be eaten for lunch. Instead of throwing one's mai Health
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the
truth.
- Sherlock Holmes blah "Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people." (François VI Duke (duc) de La Rochefoucauld, 1616-80) Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon
them.
-- Anonymous "I've decided something: Commercial things really do stink. As soon as it becomes commercial for a mass market it really stinks." (Andy Warhol, The Andy Warhol Diaries, 1989) All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story Health "Humans beings can always be relied upon to assert, with vigor, their god-given right to be stupid." (Dean Koontz, Seize the Night) The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to
heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need
more supervision.
-- Lynn "We always get bored with those whom we bore." (François VI Duke (duc) de La Rochefoucauld, 1616-80) Health
Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with
the powerful, not to be neutral.
-- Paulo Freire The child is the father of the man.
-- William Wordsworth If a man does his best, what else is there?
- General George S. Patton The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent
crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry
inspe A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.
-- James Lowell Health We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
-- Wehrner von Braun "Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them." (Samuel Butler) "Courageous, untroubled, mocking and violent--that is what Wisdom wants us to be. Wisdom is a woman, and loves only a warrior." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Health
In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the
next meal would come from.
-- Peter F. Drucker Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars
-- Les Brown "Today was good. / Today was fun. / Tomorrow is another one." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991) Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as
saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.
-- Deborah Tan "There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick) Health Happiness is nothing more than health and a poor memory.
-- Albert Schweitzer "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." (Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest) Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
-- Cecilia Egan Health
Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to
benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.
-- Ralph Mars The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to
contact us.
-- Bill Watterson, in his comic strip Calvin and Hobbes Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from
history.
-- George Bernard Shaw When yer in a funk, people in love are a royal pain in the patookus.
-- Portnoy, character in "Outland," comic strip by Berkely Breathed Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde Health The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow
extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.
-- Robert Hutchins, Great Books, 1954 "All our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land." (Jack Keroac) There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Health
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams "I heard the old, old, men say 'all that's beautiful drifts away, like the waters.'" (William Butler Yeats) Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
- Friedrich Nietzsche Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive.
-- Ayn Rand Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
-- H. L. Mencken Health If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.
-- George S. Patton, Jr. There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say -- unless you insist on saying it.
-- Anonymous "Politics is my hobby. Smut is my vocation." (Larry Flynt) Health
