Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
-- Ken Dodd Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-- Anonymous When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with
the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover,
"If you meet a woman that smokes cigars ... marry her." (Arthur Lotti) A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There
are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's
reall Business and Economy The first duty of a lecturer: to hand you after an hour's discourse a nugget of pure truth to wrap up
between the pages of your notebooks, and keep on the mantlepiece forever.
-- Virginia Woolf "Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." (Samuel Johnson) He that always gives way to others will end in having no principles of his own.
-- Aesop Business and Economy
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-
Box.
-- Wil Shriner "He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." (Thomas Paine) We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report.
-- Louis Nel, Deputy Minister of Information, South Africa I drink no more than a sponge.
-- Francis Rabelais, Works. Book i. Chap. v. It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and
superior impartiality.
-- Arnold Bennett Business and Economy The possibility that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause
we believe to be just.
-- Abraham Lincoln And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery Marriage is like a cage--one sees the birds outside desperate to get in and those inside equally
desparate to get out.
-- Di Peatlins Business and Economy
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but
all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
- Bill Hirst Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from
history.
-- George Bernard Shaw I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department
store and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple Black Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
- Napoleon Bonaparte Business and Economy "I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." (James Madison) "Learn from the mistakes of others--you can never live long enough to make them all yourself." (John Luther) I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? -- Phyllis Diller Business and Economy
"Every act of violence increases the recruitment of terrorists. Iraq has been turned into a base of terror." (Noam Chomsky, from The Toronto Star, March 23, 2004) I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a
woman.
-- Virginia Woolf With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow.
-- Wedding Vow, Book of Common Prayer Anything is possible, but only a few things actually happen.
-- Richard Rosen The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the
betterment of life.
-- Henry Ford Business and Economy "To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if
he finds her.
-- Benjamin Tillett Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
-- David Chambless Business and Economy
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law.
-- Yiddish Proverb Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- Pancho Villa, dying words You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
-- W.S. Gilbert If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
-- Abraham Lincoln There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
- Frank Zappa Business and Economy "Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." (Alice Walker) If you want to sing out, sing out, and if you want to be free, be free, 'cause there's a million ways
to be, you know that there are...
-- Cat Stevens, from a song lyric If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
-- Johnny Carson Business and Economy
In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update
would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every
computer that th Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
-- Charles Pierce "Do you know that places only yield up their secrets, their most profound mysteries, to those who are just passing through?" (Salman Rushdie, The Moor's Last Sigh) After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely
pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
-- Anonymous Business and Economy "The key to wisdom is knowing all the right questions." (John A. Simone Jr.) "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." (Thomas Jefferson) "That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves." (Thomas Jefferson) Business and Economy
To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
-- Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they
do.
-- Olin Miller The wit of a graduate student is like champagne. Canadian champagne.
-- Robertson Davies I still live.
-- Daniel Webster, dying words Say goodbye to the oldies, but goodies, because the good old days weren't always good and
tomorrow aint as bad as it seems.
-- Billy Joel Business and Economy The great end of life is not knowledge, but action. What men need is as much knowledge as they
can organize for action; give them more and it may become injurious. Some men are heavy and
stupid from It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
-- Jane Austen Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
-- Voltaire Business and Economy
For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely
unnatural condition.
-- Robert Briffault "Have you ever fed your pocket and starved your soul?" (Ivana Santilli, Too Deep) No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in
love with him first.
-- Cesare Pavese Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to
vote for Colonel Sanders.
-- Bob Inglis, 1995 Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking, but you are getting sweeter.
-- N. D. Stice Business and Economy I like nonsense -- it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way
of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope...and that enables you to laugh at all "People demand freedom only when they have no power." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein Business and Economy
The time is always right to do what is right.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
- Andrew Marvell "Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
- Georg Lichtenberg "REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion." (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary) Business and Economy If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
-- Thomas Szasz The telephone company is urging people to *please* not use the telephone unless it is absolutely
necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this
bre The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.
-- Virginia Woolf Business and Economy
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
-- George Bernard Shaw "I should reproach him for not giving us enough evidence." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970, what he would say to God if they 'met') I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
- Thomas Jefferson "Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning, but without understanding." (Louis Brandeis) Business and Economy One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if
possible, speak a few reasonable words.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the
problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
-- Buckminster The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same
joke and still feel lonely.
-- T. S. Eliot Business and Economy
We can do not great things - only small things with great love.
-- Mother Theresa If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
- Mario Andretti Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don't trust anyone over 30."
-- Anonymous "Hold the fort! I am coming!" (General William Tecumseh Sherman) A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
-- Joseph Addison Business and Economy I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-- Mae West If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
- George Bernard Shaw That government is best which governs least.
-- Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience, 1849 Business and Economy
