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When Baby's cries grew hard to bear I popped him in the Frigidaire. I never would have done so if
I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff. My wife said, "George, I'm so unhappy! Our darling's now
comple Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy. Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes.
-- Brendan Hills Well if this is the wrong number, why did you answer it?
-- James Thurber "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously u Transport "Nothing is permanent but change." (Heraclitus) Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
-- Pope John Paul I Transport
The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet.
-- Andy Warhol "Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do." (Dale Carnegie) "I was born and raised with crocodiles; they are a piece of cake. But kids are so ... unpredictable." (Steve Irwin, "Crocodile Hunter") When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of
the world.
- George Washington Carver Transport If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.
-- James McNeill Whistler An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.
-- Alfred A. Knopf "Man is a strange animal. He generally cannot read the handwriting on the wall until his back is up against it." (Adlai Stevenson) Transport
If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
-- Mother Teresa A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant-turned-famous-movie-producer, when told his son was getting
married "I learned more from the one restaurant that didn't work than from all the ones that were successes." (Wolfgang Puck, restauranteur) Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.
-- Lyn Karol Transport Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes
your wife.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show We love because it's the only true adventure.
-- Nikki Giovanni When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of
the world.
- George Washington Carver Transport
The soul is healed by being with children.
-- Fyodor Dostoyevski Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued ... Reason: it has been
reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.
-- excerpt from a letter, Illinois Depart You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
-- Ziggy, character in comic strip by Tom Wilson Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for
your face.
-- Anita Wise A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor Transport Elegance of language may not be in the power of all of us; but simplicity and straight forwardness
are. Write much as you would speak; speak as you think. If with your inferior, speak no coarser
tha The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not,
the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you 'come to terms
with We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
-- Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles, 1962 Transport
Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love.
-- French saying Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.
-- Chad A. Gamble, Escape, short story I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-- G. K. Chesterton Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
-- Unknown history student Transport "Everyone is a bore to someone. That is unimportant. The thing to avoid is being a bore to oneself." (Gerald Brenan) If we do not maintain Justice, Justice will not maintain us.
-- Francis Bacon It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
- G. B. Burgin Transport
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and
begin slitting throats.
- Henry Louis Mencken Nobody ever died of laughter.
-- Max Beerbohm Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to
be grateful.
-- Phyllis McGinley Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-- M. C. Reed "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world, indeed it is the only thing that ever has." (Margaret Mead, 1901-78) Transport Per cubic inch, your current TV set is perhaps the dumbest appliance in your home (and I'm not
even talking about the programs).
-- Nicholas Negroponte blah "Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then be trusted with the government of others? Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him? Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them
tender.
-- Mary Buckley Transport
"Every Man and every Woman is a Star." (Aleister Crowley) My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. "Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Virtue is like health: the harmony of the whole man.
-- Thomas Carlyle We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
-- Mother Teresa Transport Whatever you are, be a good one.
-- Abraham Lincoln I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible
by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
- Umberto Eco The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
-- Roger Simon Transport
"Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) "College professors are the people who can't hack it in the real world." (William Thomas) You can not apply mathematics as long as words still becloud reality.
-- Hermann Weyl I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
-- Fran Lebowitz It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-- Abraham Lincoln Transport Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing
popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-- Dave Barry The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be
feasible.
- A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper prop Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye Transport
When you're away, I'm restless, lonely
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.
-- Samuel Hoffenstein Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
-- H. L. Mencken I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked
me in the cellar.
-- Anonymous I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
-- Edward Chilton If there is any one proof of a man's incompetence, it is the stagnant mentality of a worker who,
doing some small routine job in a vast undertaking, does not care to look beyond the lever of a
machi Transport "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." (Blaise Pascal) The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
-- George Bernard Shaw Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Transport
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." (Roald Dahl) If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
- Carl Sagan First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
- Mahatma Gandhi "A man is only as faithful as his opportunity." (Chris Rock) Beneath the rule of men entirely great, / The pen is mightier than the sword.
-- Edward Robert Bulwer-Lytton, Richelieu, II. ii Transport My father was a minister. I had to make up for the lack of sin.
-- Milwuakee mayor, on why he became a politician "A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you." (Bert Leston Taylor) "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." (William Shakespeare) Transport
"Kill a man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conquerer. Kill everyone, and you are a god." (Jean Rostand) Not to anticipate is already to moan.
-- Leonardo da Vinci Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more
experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat
soiled or torn? To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
-- Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday
afternoon.
-- Susan Ertz Transport When making public policy decisions about new technologies for the Government, I think one
should ask oneself which technologies would best strengthen the hand of a police state. Then, do
not allow The wise see knowledge and action as one; they see truly.
-- Bhagava Gita I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for
half the money.
-- Arthur Godfrey Transport
