"When I was four years old they tried to test my IQ, they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear. They asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different was wro The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind
woman.
-- S. T. Coleridge Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love,
but no friendship.
-- Oscar Wilde "Have love for your friend up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy up to a limit for it is possible he may turn into your friend some day." (Ali bin We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
- Vince Lombardi Services A man who marries a woman to educate her falls a victim to the same fallacy as the woman who
marries a man to reform him.
-- Elbert Hubbard Conversation, fastidious Goddess, loves blood better than brick, and feasts most subtly on the
human will.
-- Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
-- Steven Wright Services
This isn't right, this isn't even wrong.
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.
-- John Galsworthy Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken "One of the great dangers in having a career is getting bored." (Itzhak Perlman) Services Laywers, I suppose, were children once.
-- Charles Lamb "I am not afraid of tomorrow, for i have seen yesterday and i love today!" (William Allen White) The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten.
-- Mark Twain Services
"Sometimes I think it's another sign of the sad necessity of our crowded, lonely lives, an urgent hopeless reaching out to touch something real, a deep hunger for something authentic when everything s Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
-- Oliver Herford Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley
Temple could do it at the age of four.
-- Katharine Hepburn Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with
the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.
-- Cynthia Heimel Services The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson. I didn't accept it. I received it.
-- Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and
two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he hel Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or
failure has been dependent on the one he used most.
-- George R. Kirkpatrick Services
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
-- Robert Frost I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady
in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
-- Dick Martin Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good
questions.
-- Woody Allen "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." (Nelson Mandela, A Long Walk to Freedom) The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein Services "A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Asking politicians to vote themselves out of power is like asking rabbits not to multiply, it ain't
natural.
-- Bob Beckel, on term limits, CBS This Morning, 3/30/95 A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.
-- Edgar Watson Howe Services
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
-- Lucille S. Harper Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
-- Albert Einstein There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's
being off the network.
-- Guy Almes "The most instructive experiences are those of everyday life." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) I have noticed that nothing I have never said ever did me any harm.
-- Calvin Coolidge Services There are trivial truths, and there are great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.
The opposite of a great truth is also true.
-- Neils Bohr Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature
machine gun.
-- Matt Groening, Love is Hell Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.
-- Jerry Garcia Services
The honest poor can sometimes forget poverty. The honest rich can never forget it.
-- G. K. Chesterton Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.
-- King Vidor, in the 1928 film, The Crawl "Mistakes are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce) When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his
cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that
Uncl Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy. Services Dreams never hurt anybody if you keep working right behind the dreams to make as much of
them become real as you can.
-- Frank W. Woolworth "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost." (Charles Caleb Colton) Before marraige a man will like awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage
he will fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
-- Anon. Services
"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward." (Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882 - 1945, 32nd U.S. President) Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for
appointment by the corrupt few.
-- George bernard Shaw If there is any one proof of a man's incompetence, it is the stagnant mentality of a worker who,
doing some small routine job in a vast undertaking, does not care to look beyond the lever of a
machi Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
-- Aldous Huxley I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy.
-- J. Curtis McKay, Wisconsin State Elections Board Services You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.
-- Albert Camus Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love.
-- French saying Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
-- H. L. Mencken Services
Practice random acts of kindness and sensless acts of beauty.
-- Adair Lara In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.
-- Elizabeth Ashley Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of
sin.
-- John Von Neuman Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when
people laugh.
-- George Bernard Shaw Services "Those who feel certainty are stupid and those with any imagination or understanding are filled with doubt and indecision." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970) "How is it that we never have time to do a job right, but we always have time to do it over?" (Anonymous) Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in
opposite directions, yet always punishing any one who comes between them.
-- Sydney Smith Services
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
-- Abraham Lincoln University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
-- Henry Kissinger "College professors are the people who can't hack it in the real world." (William Thomas) "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but
as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!"
-- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows
how to make us disobedient.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Services To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.
-- Arthur Schopenhauer No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. -- Honore de Balzac There is no course of life so weak and sottish as that which is managed by order, method, and
discipline.
-- Michel de Montaigne Services
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Therefore:
? In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its
duties.
? Work I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady
in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
-- Dick Martin Ambition is not a vice of little people.
-- Michel de Montaigne It is not because it is difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are
difficult.
-- Lucius Anneaus Seneca Change is not merely necessary to life, it is life.
-- Alvin Toffler Services Every flower must grow through dirt.
-- Anonymous "Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences." (Isadora Duncan) Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.
-- Gandhi Services
"By seeing the seed of failure in every success, we remain humble. By seeing the seed of success in every failure we remain hopeful." (Mel Ziegler, founder of Banana Republic) The wise see knowledge and action as one; they see truly.
-- Bhagava Gita If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
-- George Bernard Shaw "No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, g I hate women because they always know where things are.
-- James Thurber Services "In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it." (Ani Difranco) "I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower."
"Oh yeah, well I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower TWICE!"
-- Ken Kesey from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" "The feminists used to say that chivalry and ladyhood were ways of keeping women down and preventing them from standing toe to toe with the guys. Now you've got a lot of women saying that if a guy is Services
