HMP Kirkham - The largest category D industrial prison in Europe. Includes visitor information, job vacancies, Kirklan Enterprises, and press releases.
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." (Groucho Marx) The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Paul Ehrlich "You make 'em, I amuse 'em." (Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, 1904-1991, on children) I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
-- Jules Renard Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
-- G. K. Chesterton Kirkham The most savage controversies are about those matters as to which there is no good evidence
either way.
-- Bertrand Russell "You know that being an American is more than a matter of where your parents came from. It is a belief that all men are created free and equal and that everyone deserves an even break." (Harry S. Tru Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde Kirkham
That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been
all along.
-- Madeleine L'Engle "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of the dream." (Eleanor Roosevelt) "Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country." (Marquis de Lafayette) There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and
why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inex If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model.
Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush...
-- Dawn French Kirkham Soul meets soul on lovers lips.
-- Percy Bysshe Shelley "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit." (Aristotle) The wit of a graduate student is like champagne. Canadian champagne.
-- Robertson Davies Kirkham
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are
certain, they do not refer to reality.
-- Albert Einstein Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.
-- Michael Leunig "An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics." (Plutarch) Chance is always powerful. - Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it,
there will be a fish.
-- Ovid Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
-- Oscar Wilde Kirkham Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and
begin slitting throats.
- Henry Louis Mencken When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.
-- Wilson Mizner ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Kirkham
"Bread feeds the body, indeed, but flowers feed also the soul." (The Prophet Mohammad) Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country
could do under first-class management.
-- Senator Soaper "He who cannot give anything away cannot feel anything either." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were
reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing,
and Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
-- Martin Mull Kirkham "If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they don't want to hear." (George Orwell) There is more to life than increasing its speed.
-- Gandhi When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
- Sir Winston Churchill Kirkham
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -- PJ O'Rourke If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get
married.
-- Katharine Hepburn Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
-- Anonymous Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board Kirkham "It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poe The worth of the state, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it.
-- John Stuart Mill When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his
cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that
Uncl Kirkham
"I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you and education." (Wilson Mizner) If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S. Truman The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic "We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." (Jeff Marder) I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can
write better.
- A. J. Liebling Kirkham In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains! It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and
superior impartiality.
-- Arnold Bennett Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
-- Ray Bandy Kirkham
I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn't need any advice from me. With God in
charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about.
-- Hen There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the
instrument plays itself.
-- Johann Sebastian Bach "Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage, they are giving evidence at an
inquest.
-- H. L. Mencken "Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Kirkham "Twelve magicians and two carnies have been shot dead doing the bullet catch. That's cool enough, but every night when we close our show with that trick and the loaded gun gets pointed in my face, it The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their
attitudes of mind.
-- William James Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence.
-- King Vidor, in the 1928 film, The Crawl Kirkham
We have been friends together in sunshine and in shade.
-- Caroline Norton The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republic People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only
make $500,000.
-- Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990 Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw. "A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities." (Eda J. Le Shan) Kirkham "It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what other men say in whole books--what other men do not say in whole books." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols) Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its
coattails.
-- Clarence Darrow Tear open packet, unfold and use.
-- Directions on moist towelette package Kirkham
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy-- the
mother.
-- Claudette Colbert If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a 'fix' of
something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than
cocaine.
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning it was
someone else.
-- Rogers Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
-- George Santayana My father was a minister. I had to make up for the lack of sin.
-- Milwuakee mayor, on why he became a politician Kirkham You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was
60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
-- Ellen DeGeneres Twenty years fron now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones
you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in
your Knowledge is the intellectual manipulation of carefully verified observations.
-- Sigmund Freud Kirkham
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Change before you have to.
-- Jack Welch I am not young enough to know everything.
-- Oscar Wilde Kirkham If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.
-- Virginia Woolf Hell is other people.
- Jean-Paul Sartre Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job
will cost.
-- Anon Kirkham
Women see better than men. Men see lazily, if they do not expect to act. Women see quite
without any wish to act.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Icky icky icky icky fKANG zoop-boing n zowzyin...
-- The Knights who so recently said "Nee!", Monty Python, British comedy television show "Now that we have everything we need, we discover that there is almost nothing that we have that we want." (John Cage, M, Writings 1967 - 1972) Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best
to become the best you are capable of becoming.
-- John R. Wooden, Practical Modern Basketball blah "A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself." (James Douglas Morrison, lead singer of The Doors) Kirkham Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
-- Martin Mull "I don't think it's the nature of any man to be monogamous. Men are propelled by genetically ordained impulses over which they have no control to distribute their seed." (Marlon Brando) Kirkham
