"I know that God won't give me more trouble than I can handle ... but sometimes I wish he wouldn't trust me so much." (Mother Teresa) God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
-- Voltaire Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
-- Samuel Johnson Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
-- Vince Lombardi May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. R If it were weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
-- Rodney Dangerfield Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-- Wernher Von Braun R
They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But he finally decided to let her go.
-- Anonymous Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
-- Erma Bombeck We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share and share the life we choose. Someone to
help us through the neverending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to
comfort us along Nothing is beneath you if it is in the direction of your life.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal R The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the
chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
- unknown Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
-- Ambrose Bierce The real test of friendship is: Can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy
together those moments of life that are utterly simple? They are the moments people looks back
on at R
We haven't the money, so we've got to think.
-- Lord Rutherford "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." (Eddie Rickenbacker) "When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools." (William Shakespeare) If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
-- Kingsley Amis Why don't you write books people can read?
-- Nora Joyce, to her husband James R It is not because it is difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are
difficult.
-- Lucius Anneaus Seneca "The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right." (Mark Twain) Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
- Benjamin Franklin R
Luck is the residue of design.
- Branch Rickey - former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team Realism is a corruption of reality.
-- Wallace Stevens "People demand freedom only when they have no power." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
-- Paul Boese It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain R Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the
time by watching the second hand of a clock.
-- Ben Hecht "Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore, so do our minutes, hasten to their end." (William Shakespeare) Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken R
Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it.
-- Alexandre Dumas fils "Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore, so do our minutes, hasten to their end." (William Shakespeare) To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
-- Karen Sunde "Our destiny exercises its influence over us even when, as yet, we have not learned its nature: it is our future that lays down the law of our today." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) R My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
-- Buddy Hackett Our elections are free - it's in the results where eventually we pay.
-- Bill Stern A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.
-- Anonymous R
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
- Aristotle Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking
everything praiseworthy in human life.
-- Joseph Addison The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps
the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.
-- Helen Hayes There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called
marriage.
-- James Holt McGavran Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
-- Mark Twain R There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time, when he was an old man, to
learn music and dancing, and thought it time well spent.
-- Michel de Montaigne Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.
-- G. K. Chesterton Genius is 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration.
-- Thomas Edison R
"A man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it." (Claude Rains, as Mr. Dryden, Lawrence of Arabia, 1962) I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
-- Samuel Johnson Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
-- Madame de Rieux "The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is the love of ourselves." (William Hazlitt) Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of
hers.
-- Anonymous R Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-- Marion Barry, Mayor, Washington, D.C. "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." (Thomas Jefferson) Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen.
-- Samuel Paterson R
We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry.
-- John Webster A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. -- Guitry If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having
passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it.
-- Anonymous I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how
to make it interesting.
-- Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hal No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in
love with him first.
-- Cesare Pavese R The community stagnates without the impulse of the individual. The impulse dies away without
the sympathy of the community.
-- William James Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
-- Frank L. Visco, How to Write Good "Those who hear not the music think the dancers mad." (Anonymous) R
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
-- Anonymous The best teacher is the one who suggests rather than dogmatizes, and inspires his listener with
the wish to teach himself.
-- Edward Bulwer-Lytton Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin!
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show "The feminists used to say that chivalry and ladyhood were ways of keeping women down and preventing them from standing toe to toe with the guys. Now you've got a lot of women saying that if a guy is "Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?" (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) R "If you assume that there's no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, there are opportunities to change things, there's a chance for you t Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
-- Anonymous Why doesn't she like me? Is it my hair, my overbite, the fact that I've worn the same shirt and
shorts for the last four years?
-- Bart Simpson, young character from The Simpsons, U.S. animated tele R
"Everywhere one seeks to produce meaning, to make the world signify, to render it visible. We are not, however, in danger of lacking meaning; quite the contrary, we are gorged with meaning and it is k The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain The better part of valor is discretion.
-- William Shakespeare 1564-1616 from King Henry the Fourth, Part I The great end of life is not knowledge, but action. What men need is as much knowledge as they
can organize for action; give them more and it may become injurious. Some men are heavy and
stupid from Genius is an African who dreams up snow.
-- Vladimir Nabokov R "I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." (Nikos Kazantzakis) "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) "Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ine R
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Mark Twain Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.
-- General Douglas MacArthur "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (Hal Holbrook, Wallstreet) The person who is slowest in making a promise is most faithful in its performance.
-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau During the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
-- Soren Kierkegaard R The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson. I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot.
-- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show "It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company." (George Washington) R
