There is no course of life so weak and sottish as that which is managed by order, method, and
discipline.
-- Michel de Montaigne I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all
the time. That would be hypocrisy.
-- Oscar Wilde "If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library." (Frank Zappa) Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree
to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. you only need a heart full
of grac The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
-- P. J. O'Rourke Guides and Directories Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the
source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity,
ign Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
-- Mae West Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
-- Colin Greene Guides and Directories
When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home.
-- Betty Bender The person who is slowest in making a promise is most faithful in its performance.
-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
-- W.S. Gilbert Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same
thing nowadays.
-- Oscar Wilde Journalism is merely history's first draft.
-- Geoffrey C. Ward Guides and Directories One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife....
-- Robert Boynton This world is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.
-- Horace Walpole "Genius without education is like silver in the mine." (Benjamin Franklin) Guides and Directories
"I heard the old, old, men say 'all that's beautiful drifts away, like the waters.'" (William Butler Yeats) The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same
joke and still feel lonely.
-- T. S. Eliot "Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." (Samuel Johnson) One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all,
give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of
sexual Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
-- Anon. Guides and Directories The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute
for life.
-- Andrew Brown Someday is not a day of the week.
-- Anon. Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of
genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
-- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Guides and Directories
Health food makes me sick.
-- Calvin Trillin Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its
coattails.
-- Clarence Darrow Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
-- Rita Rudner A multiple personality is in a certain sense normal.
-- George H. Mead When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. Guides and Directories "The last Christian died on the cross." (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.
-- Abraham Lincoln Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off
his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
-- Finley Peter Dunne, Mr. Dooley O Guides and Directories
When nations grow old, the arts grow cold and commerce settles on every tree.
-- William Blake "God is Man's stupidest idea." (Marcel Duchamp, French Dadaist) The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one. A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.
-- Albert Einstein I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
"Would you like some fries with that?"
-- Jay Leno Guides and Directories If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-- Lily Tomlin I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund. UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Guides and Directories
"In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat." (Robert Byrne) Life is like a movie--since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the
bathroom in the middle of it.
-- Nick Mirov The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
-- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as
though everything is a miracle.
-- Albert Einstein blah "The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read." (Sir Winston Churchill, 1874-1965) Guides and Directories I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all
the time. That would be hypocrisy.
-- Oscar Wilde The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
-- Lou Holtz In medieval times, people thought that evil spirits could enter a person through an open mouth.
These days they more often leave that way.
-- David Deckert Guides and Directories
Thomas Jefferson--still surv...
-- John Adams, dying words "I like boring things." (Andy Warhol, Holy Terror: Andy Warhol Close Up) Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Rabbi Julius Gordon You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.
-- Richard Bach I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
-- Oscar Levant Guides and Directories The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live Ninety percent of everything is crap.
-- Theodore Sturgeon Spinster: A bachelor's wife. Guides and Directories
"Death is always and under all circumstances a tragedy, for if it is not, then it means that life itself has become one." (Theodore Roosevelt) ...the fog is rising.
-- Emily Dickinson, dying words "Death solves all problems--no man, no problem." (Josef Stalin) "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously u What we anticipate seldom occurs: but what we least expect generally happens.
-- Benjamin Disraeli Guides and Directories Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting someone else to do the work.
-- John G. Pollard Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In
this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
-- Marianne Williamson "If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." (Mark Twain) Guides and Directories
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
-- Oscar Wilde A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted
by a little physical antipathy.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche The wit of a graduate student is like champagne. Canadian champagne.
-- Robertson Davies Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away,
the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up, does rejoice. I guess I just miss my friend. "Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational." (Charles Schultz) Guides and Directories Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good
questions.
-- Woody Allen "To make a living, craftiness is better than learnedness." (Pierre-Augustin de Beaumarchais) Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as
children.
-- Libby Gelman-Waxner Guides and Directories
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
-- Hal Abelson If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
-- Bob Edwards Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and
blows up the bonfire.
-- François de La Rouchefoucauld A thing is not necessarily true because badly uttered, nor false because spoken magnificently.
-- St. Augustine The nation's honor is dearer than the nation's comfort; yes, than the nation's life itself.
-- Woodrow Wilson Guides and Directories Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde "Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper." (Larry Flynt) Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to
be grateful.
-- Phyllis McGinley Guides and Directories
Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts.
-- William Shakespeare, King Henry the Sixth Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
-- Madame de Rieux Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
-- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television show No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. -- Honore de Balzac In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.
-- Elizabeth Ashley Guides and Directories If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing badly.
-- Gustav Holst, on amateur music-making I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
-- Rose Kennedy, (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991 If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavours to live the life which
one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
-- Henry David Thoreau Guides and Directories
